PASSING NOTES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 9565, 22 October 1892, Page 5 (Supplement)

PASSING NOTES.

(From the Otago Witue33. Triß session i 3 happily over at last, and our faithful commons are dispersed to their homes, to be baited or banquetted according to their deserts. For tho next six months Ministers will have comparative peace, and sadly they need it. Me Ballance, whose breakdown all must regret, will, I hope, be mivscd back into perfect health. And so also the erstwhile sturdy John M'Kenzie, whose health has for the moment given way—probably under the sudaen and excessive rebound at getting the burden of those calls off his mind. Me Seddon will devole himself to the dignity of tho acting premiership and his duel with the Commissioners. And, by the way, aj/rojws •of this same duel a good story reached me last week from a correspondent. The railway workmen arc supposed to side with tho Minister, and one of them being asked . why, explained it thus: " Well, you see, it's just this way. The bloomin' Commisaioners boss us, but if Seddoa gats in charge it's us as will boss him." And I doubt not they will. Of the other Ministers Mr Waid may be expected to mind his own business, while Mr W. P. Reeves will apply himself to the task of inventing more Labour frills. For the supply must be maintained at finy cost. True the Conciliation Bill, the Sight Hours Bill, and the Washers and Hanglers Uill can be served np again next f oar. But the appetite of the Labour party, though in no wiao fastidious, ia not to be pooled with Irish stews and resurrection pie?. Moreover, it grows by what it feeds on, and to Mr E°eve3 falls the Sisyphean toil of satisfying it. And his task is dangerous as well as toilful, for he must furnish frosh dishes or be devoured himself.

As 1 say, it's not a delicate palato tbis of the Labour party, and wouldn't hesitate to make a meal of the Minister himself in default of anything; fresher. Iv which distressful circumstances he caters at the peril of his life, and will doubtless bo thankful for suggestions from any quarter. I have pleasure, thereforo, and confidence, in supplying .him with the raw material of what I .consider to be a first-class Liberal meaeurei—

That all women of whatever rank, profession, or degree—v/hether virgins, maids, or widows —who shall impose upon, seduce, and betray into matrimony any of his Majesty's male subjects, by virtue of scents, paints, cosmetics, sv/iohes, artificial teeth,' false hair, Spanish wool, iron, iron stays, bolstered hips, or* high.--heeled shoes, shall incur the penalty now in Soi:co against witchcraft and like misdesiiiianours, and the marriages uudur such circumstances, upon conviction of the offending part}', shall be null and void.

The newspaper from which I take it, says that this is an astaal enactmeßt of the English Parliament in 1770. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't; I don't know and don't care. For even if the idea be not wholly original, our vigorously progressive Government taay be trnstGcl to so embellish and expand it as to make it their own.

•Jbe long-threatened eall3 have come at last, though why at this particular point of dime 'fcwcra hard to tell, for no purpose of policy seems to b3 served by it. Twelve men are placated, whilst several times 12 are inf oriated; and it would presumably bave been gjessible to keep them all in play for another six months, which is a big space iv the lifetime of a polonial Government. I suppose Ministers vress goaded into it. Moreover, ££<•' Balance's healtjj is very precarious, and srera anything to happen him the Government must resign or reconstruct. In either ease new influences would come into play, and the present Cabinet might loss a splendid pieca of patronage. Speculation as .to motive?, however, is useless, for the calls mxs made, and there's an end. As for she i&zn. are not their names, additions, agfls, pedigrees, .and performances duly recorded ■£a all the papers ? The four libotir lords raay afc first . ie&l a little awkward in their new dignity, but custom will make of ifc a property of easiness, <sad as with them so a!<so with us. labour £s honourable, as'ourcopybooks taiighfc us, and theta is no "reason in- the nature of iMngs why the "Hon.- Mr-A; suoald not hammer boiler^ or the Hoe. Mr Z. pack .oases at so much par week, it's the novelty ol tLs idea that startles us -^-that's all. Personally I like novelties, and' if only the Hon. Sir &.. an 4 J-tie Hon. Mr Z. will display the saoral courage to continue hammering and giackiug as a-foreti^ac-, they will give me an ■opportunity at watching & very curious exjjb^iraent, and I Ehail thank them accordiDgly. The other appointments eje, of course, atfcsckad and .crifeicisei, b\ih tliat'd inevitable, and the genUemen appointed will ttaar it all with philosophical equanimitj-. Allowances, you. know', mas!; bs made. Con-t-ider the devotion wasted by Mr pjko on the Otago Central and other matters; the incii-?,-e3'ion endured by Dr and Mr Fraser at Ministerial banquets; and the various other marks of merit earned by: various other gentlemen who have not bseii called. But after all wfcafc could the Government <Io 1 Into eight seats only eight jsersons can by any possibility bo go.;. No ; those who are nofc called, but feel that they j>ugbt to be, must possess fcueir souls in jiriti&uce, and haply Me Seddon wi:J promise to keep them steadily in view—after the manner a£ the famous 'Eaasjjtikei bridge. :

I made some slighting remarks last week :S.nai?fc Mr K. T. BoothV announcement of a 'Golddfi .Benaedy (price 83 per bottle) against ■i he eraxlu? for strong liquor. Reflection lias •shown raft 1 b:>t I was wrong. As thus: Mr !Booth is a prohibitionist, and miian3 to en■force tsatotalism Jay the sirocg arm of. the Haw. But Mr .Booth is also a humaaa man, -fiud does nofc deshe that we should bo •ioriured by an appetite that can never be gratified. Accordingly he invents a Golden Seaicdy, which, at the moderate price ot jjs ;ii bottle, will extirpate that appetite for ever. ißornsbody asked him at his meeting •twhether, as a consequence of his having disioovered a " uevv method/ he meant to aban•lion Prohibition. A foolish Question ! It is rpraeiseiy Prohibition that is to create the M3emaa<3 for the "sow methed," Our •drouthy tbvapples will have to be appeased somehow-; it forbidden to get our poison ifjpm brewer ans publican we shall be driven ifco take it in 5s bottles from Mr E^-'fr Sooth and the sjndvc&te of fAr-seeicg philanthropists who have joined him in his •i7S.ut.ure. Booth and Co. wisl fijijoy a anofiojjoly in which they can simnltaneou3ly i'atten atd ternain virtuous, whilst brewers #,nd publicans (vide the PiOiiibilioniat) viend their remorseful way to the State altnshonsefs to be prodded for them, where ihey will be made a great deal more comgortabia than they deserve. The Golden Ka^aedy is the logical corollary of Prohibition, Why fits nobody ever thought of it before? There was g, police court case in the Oiiristchurch papers wine lime ago in ■which the maker and vendor of " teetotal clriuks " was fined for sly-grog selling. His c< teetotal drinks" yielded, on analysis a liberal percentage oE alcohol. This by way i of a tip to Mr Booth. Only, couldn't the price be reduced 1 Why, at 5i a bottle it ought to be nearly all whisky!

-r "<(CiW»i M.r Worthing ton, of the Christchuvch"' *'ffifSlßR !e o£ Ti' ath'" is aoc^ed of TiPrnlinr on the EllbjOCt of « eexolciy " " wor4 is bif, ow. n~a f T i!e hybrid unkno."** *f em\ in7entl.°" probably of some' ?^ee lifcan-and I Luu^prote^V^^Xf^ marks. Its meamr, % , . ,„,(.„,•„ ™j, ' nastiness of some H^^ftAtf^ihwTS founders of " Temples c /"f" u -| 2^,:^f to supersede our old-fasL ™s^^f:^ churches, these hypnotists, t^o S og.y.a(s ; spiritists—the modern

Ambubaiarum. collegia, phaniiacoiiwat?,' Mcndici, mimae, balatrones,— have a tendency to run in that direction. Thsy either invent a quack medicine, or pnt forth pamphlets on " sexology," and [sometimes they do both. In the Wortiiingioa case developments are awaited with interest. Apparently there is going to faa some fun. Toe Chiistchurch women, orat least the Free Methodist section of them, seem determined to hunt the "sexologist" out of the place. They have begun by paying him a domiciliary visit in strength, and invifcing him, with the accompaniment of prayers, tear?, arid texts of Scripture, to move on. Noi a. bit of it I The worthy Worthiagton is very com- ■ fcrtable where he is, aud knows when he has • a good thing. Cranks still flock to his "Temple of Truth," anil probably '< the collections are good. A little persecu- ■ tion will do him no harm, nay, may • even ba helpful, and so he is nor, going to ■ qnit Christchnrch " till he is carried to the ■ cemetery." On the announcement of this ■ heroic determination the female Methodists ■ retired non-plussed. They could think of nothing better than a futile attempt to dis- " infect the neighbourhood by surrounding the Worthingtoa abode and holding a prayermeeting. Bnt the end is not yet/ I can't, : bring anyselE to bslieva th.it the Metboaist women of Ohri&tchurch are going to be ■ -beaten. Unfortunately they don'fc read

.Shakespeare or 1 might refer them for iilihtt to the "Merry Wives of Windsor." What ia wanted is something in the way of a buckbasket and a ducking in the Avon.

Iv justice to Scotland, read the following

Diun Civis, —I observe that the newspaper.* gquerally are in the habit of stating that Queen Victoria has roignocl longer than any British sovereign save two—namely, Gaovge 111 and Henry 111. Tho former reigned 59 years, the hitter 56 years. Edward 111 used also to bo computed, but lio has fallen out of the race now that Victoria has reigned 55 years. I have now before mo it copy of the Times of May 4 last in which tho above is stated. Now, in justice to Scotland, I want to know why King James VI of Scotland and 1 of Great Britain is not computed ? Counting; from his coronation ou July 29, 1567, as King of Scotland, fco his death as King of Great Britain on March 27, 1G25, we have 58 years and 8 mouths. True, ho reigned only 22 years over England, which is (as Scotland also is) only a part oC Great Britain. Now, if you eounb'Henry 111 and Edward 111, who reigned only over 'England, why omit James.Vl and I because ho reigned for 35 years 8 month? of the whole of his reign only over Scotland ? Ido nob see why Scotland or Scotchmen of the present day ought to put up with such a slight on their nationality, especially as it is highly probable that Scotland in the reign of James VI was as powerful a nation as England was in tho reign of Homy HI. 1t.0.5. I don't see why Scotchmen should deare it tobe remembered that this particular James reigned over them so long. He is uo creditto them. As I think of him, he is always the slobbering Scotch Solomon whom Heury IV of France, his contemporary, used to calf " the wisest fool in Europe." A court preacher of the time'gob off a rather good and very audacious pulpit joke, in the King's presence, on tho subject of his twiddling vacillations. Taking for his text (lie Gth verse of. tho first chapter of Sk James' Epistle the preacher announced it thus: "James the first and sixth—' He that wavereth is like a wave of the sea, driven with the wind and tossed.'" On the whole, were I a Scotchman —which, unfortunately, I can never be now ; that is past praying for—l should not bo eager to ciaim. kinship with Jamie Stuart the I and VI, and tho fact that ho reigned over Scotland for tho unconscionably long period of 35 years and eight months, I shcnl desire to be as generally as possible for gotten.

People send me from time to time odd specimens of business circulars which have come to them solicitiug commissions or orders for goods. Here is one from Hanover:

I Gentleman ! We hereby allow to draw your attention to a new article of our make, viz our Roller-Composition called „Reform". — This composition is in the samohighway appropriate for rotary —as for printing - machines ou account of its high melting-point and its matchless elasticity and tractive power. Our Keform being free of liquid parties the rollers manufactured of our composition are warranted not to break or to shrink, aiid consequently ihey enjoy of a durability unattaiued by rollers of any other material. . , . We flutter ourselves to be favoured in a next time with your est. commands and remain, Gentlemen Yours very obedient, &c, &c,

This is how the educated German writes English. Yes, and with ranch the same measure of succsss, doubtless, does the educated Englishman write German. Rememberiog this, one may read the Hanover example to edification as well as amusement, and pass from the intelligent foreigner with a smile that is both kindly and sympathetic. Here is a very different sort of thing—a type-written circular from Melbourne, dated last month, the production of a travelling bagman in the hardware and ironmongery lice, who, after exploiting the colonies, is about to return to England. Bat not without one last effort. Ha tlias addresses a Dunenin firm:—

My earnest desire is to go laden well with a further measure of FRUIT possessed of yr valued Orders, therefore doubly equipped, & a crowning proof of the resognition of 7-J- years Labor and Travel in this immeasurably Important, inconceivably valuable and extensive Continent already emerging and probably destined ere Jong to attain to the zenith of a MIGHTY NATIONHOOD in the scale of Nations Upwards of THIRTY THOUSAND MILE 3 of Travel embracing every colony of Australasia (i.e. W.A., S.A., V., N.S.W., Q., T. and N.Z.) may not unduly warrant this averment. Once more earnestly soliciting yr responsive IJoply hi the desired direction and finally tendering herewith my gravest salutations. Bejieve nje, Sjrs BXosb respectfully &c, &c. ■ThU rsan m»st bg,vp been at one time a popular preacher (note the suggestive phrase " a furtber measure of fruit "), or, if not that, the leader-writer of a Youeg Ladies' Journal. Ia commerce his talents are wasted, lie ought to go into the New Zealand Parliament; aad add a new exuberance to what somebody describes as " the plethoric and disgraceful pages of Hansard."* Civis