PASSING NOTES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 8419, 16 February 1889, Page 5 (Supplement)

PASSING NOTES.

(From the Otngo Witness.)

If the wicked world could be regenerated by the multiplying of philanthropic societies, we in Dunedin should be in a fair way of salvation. This week a Mr Jones, member of the Society of Friends, has established amongst us a society for promoting the abolition of war, the referring of international disputes to arbitration, and the bringing in of universal peace. The society numbers at present about GO members, and Miss Kelsey has been appointed secretary. It would be unfair to ask what effect this is expected to produce on European public opinion,— whether the Czar will disarm in consequence, and the Bantam of Berlin cease to clap his wings and crow ;—it would be wicked and unjust to ask sneering questions like these. The Dunedin Peace Society does not expect to influence European politics, at least not immediately. True, there are hopeful symptoms even in Europe just now. Mr Stead has discovered that the Czar is a Quaker at heart, and Prince Bismarck has been made a Doctor of Divinity ;—but these considerations will not be allowed, I should hope, to draw aside the efforts of our local Peace Society from their proper object. That object I take to be the maintaining of peace between this colony and the external universe; also resistance—moral and passive—to any attempt to erect New Zealand into a great military power. Those citizens who "sympathise with these objects should hasten to send in their names to Miss Kelsey. Also their subscriptions.

This same Peace Society embraces so sound a theory that it is melancholy to see how easily it can be brought up standing by the brick wall of fact. That war is an unmitigated evil everyone agrees, but that some wars arc necessary evils few can deny. The members of the Peace Society just now expounding their doctrine have resolved, nevertheless, to deny it, arguing doubtless that to admit the legitimacy of fighting even in self-defence is to allow the insertion of the thin end of the wedge and make room for anything that may follow. True enough. Nearly every war is undertaken either in selfdefence or in obedience to the loftiest call of duty. It has been really an elevating Chris- I tian exercise to read the war proclamations of European sovereigns during the last 30 years. Many of them for their dulcet piety might have been leaves from Thomas a Kempis. Austria, faithless to her treaties and reckless of the liberties of an oppressed people, had done so and so ; therefore Prussia drew the sword, trusting that the God who had always prospered her just arms would, &c, &c. Alexander of Russia, in the name of Christianity and at the sacred call of humanity, set out in '7G in defence (strictly in defence) of the barbarously-used Balkan principalities. The despatches o£ the old Emperor William during the Franco-German War read just like tracts, and in short, every nation who feels impelled to burn gunpowder nowadays does it in obedience to a Divine mandate. If self-defence is admitted as a just plea for war, such, lofty inspirations as these must also be recognised, and the programme of the Peace Society vanishes forthwith into thin air. To avoid this culmination Mr Jones and his supporters resolve to taboo even defensive fighting, and thereby back themselves into a corner where they can be knocked about by all passers-by cheaply. Nothing can be soundly logical that will not stand the test of simple reason. Leo an attempt be made to punch the head of a member of the Peace Society, and it will be found that although in his collective capacity he is a turtle dove, as an individual he has bellicose tendencies. Insult the wives and daughters of the Peace Society or desecrate their hearths, and see how they will act. An exception in that case will be held to prove the rule.

Another new society with aims hardly less ambitious has been formed under the auspices of Mr A. Bathgate. (N.B.—The "A" in this name does not stand for "Amenities." Not having a directory at hand I am unable to say what the "A " does stand for, but I feel confident that the word cannot be " Amenities.") The objects of Mr A. Bathgate's newsociety as proposed at a meeting held last week are as follows :—

That free education in all its branches be provided by the State.

The nationalisation of the land,

That the State or community provide employment at adequate remuneration for all who are able to work.

That a system of national or municipal cooperation supersede ths present system of competition, with the view of ultimate commercial ownership of machinery and control of distribution.

Criticism of this sublime programme I leave to philosophers and serious politicians, but it may be permitted to me to remark on the special attractiveness of Article III—" That the State or community provide employment at adequate remuneration for all who are able to work." May I live to see it 1 Fancy the blessedness of existence in a state or community which finds employment at adequate remuneration for lawyers, doctors, parsons, dentists, undertakers, and writers of Passing Notes ! Mr A. Bathgate's new society, it wiJl be perceived, aims at Socialism, the full-blown, thorough-s^oing, State Socialism of Karl Marx and the Berlin Radicals. Well, as H.R.H. the Prince of Wales lately remarked —" We are all Socialists "— to a certain extent. We are like polyps in a coral reef; each profits by the labour of all the rest, if only to the extent of finding ready made a foundation on which to build. Socialism may be defined as a state of society in which the individual lives at the expense of the community. H.R.H., therefore, who neither toils nor spins, is much more of a Socialist than I am, who am obliged to forage for mj own provender. I would su-gest to Mr A. Bathgate that he should obtain permission to head the prospectus of his society • " Patron—H.R.H. the Prince of Wales." ' i

" It is stated on good authority that the Prince of Wales conversing with an eminent statesman, while lamenting the prevalence of Socialism, added reflectively: ' But we are all Socialists.'" The above item of intelligence was cabled to us across some fourteen thousand miles of land and sea on Monday last. It is most interesting—even diverting—but its effect is to stimulate rather than satisfy the appetite. We are sorry after reading the message that there is not more of it. In the first place there is no absolute guarantee that any such conversation between the Prince and an eminent statesman has taken place. It is merely a rumour based upon authority, and who the eminent statesman may have been is a matter of pure conjecture—Lord Salisbury o£ course for choice. But these are merely minor drawbacks. What is really needed for the full enjoyment of such a piece of news is further information, first, as to the demeanour of the Prince when he uttered these weighty words. Did the expression on the royal features indicate that H.E.H. seriously believed himself to have said something clever 1 Was the remark, on the other hand, propounded as a kind o£ conundrum, with an air that said, "There, ray lord—make what you can of that"; Did "the eminent statesman laugh, cry, or only stare at having such an observation fired at him point blank? Was there a reporter present, or has this information been filtered through uncertain channels 'I Has the gentleman who despatched the cable message been medically examined as to his sanity 1 And by what standard is the intelligence of colonists computed when they are bombarded by this kind of stuff at their breakfast tables ? That the heir to the throne should say anything " reflectively " is gratifying to every loyal subject, but if liis reflections"arc to be cabled they must evidently be cabled with key attached.

Assuming that our cable news from Home is to be developed upon these lines, we can easily imagine what it may come to in the future. Here are a few messages which may or :nay not appear among the Home intelligence of a year or two hence : —

April 1,189—.— Tup Duke of Argyll at a banquet at Glasgow last night is reported to have Baiil—" We are all John Tamson'.-i bairns." Considerable excitement has been created by the remark.

Later.—lb has transpiro-1 thai; the Duke of Argyll was singing a well-known Scottish song, and that the remark attributed to him was not made in the course of an after-dinner speech. His Grace has disclaimed all intention of reflecting upon anyone's parentage. The Prince of Wales has just completed a tour of the most notable places in Scotland. At the threshold of Abbutsford he was overheard to exclaim sotto toce," great Scott!" The liveliest feelings of satisfaction have benn awakened by this tribute on the part of the Prince to the genius of the Wizard of the North.

Later.—An official explanation has been mado that the utterance of the Prince of Wales, cabled yesterday, _ had reference to the fact that he had that instant trodden upon a projecting nail, which pierced his shoe and penetrated some £in into the foot. His Royal Highness states, however, that he does hold the memory of Bir Walter Scott in great esteem.

Items such as these would surely not be much more ridiculous than cabled news as to disconnected observations rumoured to

have been made by a prince of the blood in private conversation with this or that statesman. Such a system of news purveying must culminate in the absurd. The London compiler of Press Association messages has the world's news before him ; surely he oan skim from it some better cream than this. Something moiu about Boulanger's mistress, or Bismarck's liver, or Mr O'Brien's breeches would be preferable. Lot us have even gossip if nothing else can be got, so long as we steer clear of what the late Mr Macanilrevv used to expressively term " flapdoodle.''

On Saturday night last, as I learn from an evening paper, our local professors and patrons of the " noble art" held a grand pugilistic performance at the Choral Hall immediately over a room in which, at the same hour, the Christian Young Men were holding a prayer meeting. Whilst on the lower floor Brother Branton and Brother Dick perhaps-(my use of these two respected names is merely hypothetical)—were lifting up their voices in supplication to a throne of grace, on the upper floor, with only the boards between, Murphy, the "crack feather-weight" was engaged in knocking out Bill Baster in eight rounds, encompassed by a bellowing crowd which filled the place to the doors. From one point of view this juxtaposition may be regarded as scandalous; from another it illustrates the catholic sympathies of the proprietor or lessee of the* hall. Is not this gentleman one and the same with the new proprietor of the Lyceum, whose conscientious scruples about letting that erstwhile temple of_ unbelief for Sunday use to the Freethinkers were so remarkably illustrated in his published correspondence with Sir Robert Stout 1 I can't say,—anyhow it is clear that theproprietor of the Choral Hall is a man entirely unhampered by prejudices. A " bruising match " or a prayer meeting—it is all one to him; he can accommodate both. What is more remarkable, he can accommodate both at the same time. Let us devoutly

hope that no incautious brother intending for the prayer meeting got swept along by the crowd intending for the fight, and thus, penned up and unable to escape, was compelled to look on at the spectacle of Murphy knocking out Baster. That would have been too horrible.

"Tommy Forthwith's " toy steam-engine now on exhibition at the Times' Office, is intended to prove, as I understand from " Tommy's " letter to the Times—(l) that Heron, the Alexandrian, who invented it 250 8.C., or thereabouts, did not know Greek, and (2) that " Civis" did not know that Heron's steam-engine differed from George Stephenson's. This is to put more on " Tommy's " model than it is able to bear. The model proves nothing at all, except that " Tommy " has a neat hand for a mechanical toy. That Heron the inventor knew Greek is to be inferred from the fact that he wrote books in that language, including one in which he describes this very motor. Heron's engine is not the same as Stephenson's, but then "Civis" never said that it was. On this point " Tommy's " memory, or his intelligence, has betrayed him. What I said was this : " It is curious that Heron of Alexandria, aforesaid, describes a steam engine on a principle said (by the classical dictionaries) to be actually now in use, so that Watt and Stephenson, had they been able to consult this ancient Greek, would have found their labours considerably simplified." " Tommy's " sapient comment on this is to' make and exhibit a model in order to show that Heron's eugine was not the same as Stephenson's. "So much for the classics and classical dictionaries!" he exclaims. Yes, so much,—and more than enough for the purpose. " Tommy" has made a model, and he has also made a muddle; it may be doubted which is the more complete. I learn on the authority of Professor De Morgan, in Smith's Classical Dictionary, that Heron's, engine "acts precisely on the principle of what is called 'Barker's Mill,' " and that it is "nearly the machine afterward? introduced by Avery, one of which, of six horse-power, is, or lately was, at work near Edinburgh."

What can it have been, precisely, that Dt Batchelor told the congress of doctors in Melbourne about the naughty secrets of ladies' afternoon teas ? I have seen no report, but allusions, humorous and otherwise, to the subject in the Melbourne papers there have been several. The Herald, for example, lias the following:

Dr Batcbelor, of Duuedin, has told the Medical Congress that the conversation which sometimes takes place at afternoon tea tables is physically suggestive and detrimental, and certainly not of a nature to be heard by young girls. We are sorry to hear this. Like most people, we have always imagined that conversation of the suggestive and detrimental character was confined to male clubs, the talk at the feminine tea table being, like the after-church chat, all -beauty and bonnets. It seems tuat we are wrong, and that the tone of the conversation among the female worshippers of the goddess Tanine is often nearly as harmful as that of the devotees of Bacchus. How all the old illusions are fading away!

Now this is tantalising. The Herald tells us just enough to whet our appetite for more. I don't doubt that a popular medical oractitioucr is in a position to know airahout afternoon teas. The doctor and the parson alone of masculine humanity have the entree. Every other male creaf.im—unless it be a cat, or a canary, or a toy terrier—is rigorously excluded. A man at an afternoon tea party would be Clodius at the ! mysteries of the Bona Dea—a sacrilegious intruder. These things being thus, a healthy curiosity .exists amongst husbands, fathers, and brothers as to what afternoon tea-table talk may he like. Are we to accept as accurate the description of it given above? That is what I should very much like to know. Do tell us, deav Dr Batchelor, what you really did say ! Civis.