PASSING NOTES

Otago Daily Times, Issue 6190, 10 December 1881, Page 1 (Supplement)

PASSING NOTES

(From Otago Witness.)

I have never been a defeated candidate, but ' I fancy I know how a defeated candidate feels. It is a mistake to picture him as utterly miser able. There are alleviations in the lot ot evei, a defeated candidate. When first his calamity is revealed to him ho has, no doubt, what the French call a bad quarter of an hour. Ho it* smitten with a sudden conviction of the hollow ncsa of lifo and the vanity of all terrestrial things. He wishes ho were a thousand mile* away, and hardly known which hurts him most, —his own defeat or the other fellow's triumph. It is useless to condole with him. The defeated candidate in this early state of his malady doesn't want to talk or be talked to. What he wants is a stiff whisky, and to get homo the nearest way. And yet, perhaps, there is nothing he dreads so much aa going home. How will his wife tako it ? Will she fling herself tragically upon his breast with tears and lamentations, or will Bhe adopt the i qually disagreeable course of making nagging enquiries about Lis election expenses, and remarking that she " always told him bo ?'* There is no jolly little supper, with radiatt committeemen trooping in to fight the battle o'or again, with pipe and glass, till the Bmull hours. All that belongs to the triumphant other fellow ; and the defeated candidate., after more whiskies, goes to bed with a ho-idache, and the conviction that ho ia an ill-use'i man, and tbat there is nothing left in life worth living for. But his bad quarter of an hour probably doesn't last beyond the first night N\xt morning he begins to console himself by reading the list of all tha othor defeated candi dates, from north to south. There is much comfort in that. Next he begins to explain hii. defeat, and demonstrates to hia own entire satisfaction that though at the bottom of the poll he has won a "moral victory." Ho theu discovers that io reality it would not hay*. been to his interest to go into Parliament. The grapes aro out of reach it is true, but it is quite certain that tho grapes |ar6 Bour. Tne election contest has advertised him, and paid for itself that way. Though it didn't succeed, it was a pleasant excitement wliilit it lasted. Better luck next timo. If I don't misread human nature the rejected ones will pull thorn solves together again in some such fashion aa this, and ia a week after Friday's poll tho sum of human happiness will not be much leas than it was before the verdict of tho ballot-box was t-ken.

Among the curiositiea of advertising, of which from time to time I have noticed a few, I have 'seldom come acroas anything to boat the following from au Australian paper :—

They wandered by the hawthorn hedfo, George anil Alive, and -s they plucked the blosnoma rich Willi fragrance, sho murmured to him, "George, Uilkitii; about blohsoni:*, you remember, some weeks ago, you yaid you were taking something to remove the blossoms that (lowered so prolilleally upon your none. Now, do you know, my brother l*'red has juxt begun ;o ahoot out in tho fcanie way, and from tho appearance of your face now I ahould judge you had icasoii to praise and recommend the medicine you havo beon taking. Do tell mo what it wan, 1 want to get some for Fred." " Willi all my heart, dearo-st Alice ; thee are no secrets between you md uio— it was kucke's Fluid Magnesia. Rucke's, mind ; no other wiU do." Thia combination of pootry and press, ot sentiment and sickliness, of blossom of tLo*ros<* and blossom of tho nose, ia almost " uniquo iv the annals of journalism," and the anti climax which associates " blossoms rich with fragrance" with fluid magnesia i-i a stroke of genius. I almost wonder some of our c.mdi dates for electoral honours havo n-,*t adapted this style of advertising, as thus : " Anna Maria, walking with her friend Susan Jane, in the cool of a lovely summer evening, lookeJ down from the slope of the hill on that exquisite panorama which is visible from tho Town Belt. The air was redolont with the scont of May. The blue sky above aud tho still lake below suggested thoughts of peace; but Aona MarU sighed. ' Oh I Sußan Jane,' she said, ' I oould be happy if only it wasn't for these nisty public-houses. My Joe is one of the lineal fellows as over was, ouly on Sundays ho will go and get a drop of drink.' ' But don't you know, Maria, that the publics are to be el'jse.J ou Sundays ?' 'Oh ! I'm oo glad, Susan; who managed that ?' ' Why, Mr Dick, with his new Licensing BilL 'Bless his heart, then I I'll get Joe and evory one I know t, vote for him, and now we shall be happy a> the day's long. Good-bye, Susan ;—if only we women had a vote, we'd all vote for Mr Dick; wouldn't we ?' ' Ay, that would we*, Maria. —Good-bye.' Perhaps I am rather laio in the field with this suggestion ; but the idea might be utilised at another election. There ir an endless variety of election topics, at least as olosely allied as blossoms and fhiid magnesia, and they only want a little working up. I must say our election has been exceedingly tame this time. Every election ought to have Its feuiUetems.

Want of sunshine has been the Btanding national want in the Old Country of late years. At least, so Bays the Hon. John Bright. Writing to one of the papers about tha agricul;ural depression, and the proposals to euro it ly tinkering the t&riff, Mr Bright says :—"The ,and suffers from want of sun, and for tha* ;here is no remedy." He quotes a member ol Parliament, " a high authority on matters ol and," to the same effect:—" We don't comploii it prices—pricea are high enough and goo,: jnough ; what we want is sunshine and mor, leat, and about that thero is no remedy." M Bright goes on to say that £200,000,000 sterlii (_ ias been lost to the country through scam mpply of Bunlight during tho last ihrco year*, [f these figures are correct, it may be eaid wiU itrict truth that British prosperity is " undtr ? :loud." Tno sun of England's graatxrss in* lot set, but it is certaioly for the moni'n uffcriug disastrous eclipse. And yet in L mdo hore "are deaths every year from sunstroke. I'hat is tha tantalising fact. Old S.l hi ippartnlly gone over to the Fenian inteiesi. rhough refusing to ripen BriUa'a harvests, hln 11-timed and misdirected fervours occasionall* ■ive the Britishers themselves a Uate of tin ' Black Holo of Calcutta." Here is a table *, naximumshade temperatures for ISBO, extract,:* rom the London Times :— Jape of Good Hopo 100 9 Toronto .. Si)*o .lolbourno .. lOli's London .. SS':) ,'nlouttu. .. •■ 077 Newfoundland .. Sli's Sointiay .. .. 04-6 M.IU itius .. iSfrU Joloinljo .. .. 00-8 Ba'rbaJoes .. S. r* 0 laiiitobft .. 930 Wellington, N.Z. .. 70 6 jondon, it seems, Ib higher on the scale of hes' han Mauritius and Barbaiioea, which &ro butl* . vithin tho tropics. Melbourne, ag.-.in, ha.- | lotter days than eithsr Calcutta or B-imbay 'n Wellington, on tho other hand, a ph,ca tha* ye are accustomed lo think nfflicted by the leastliest climate in New Zealand, thesumaioi ( 3 less oppressive by ten degrees than it is in Annitoba nnd Newfoundland, whore, in winter, ( he mercury sinks below zoro. I feel aa proud | f our New Zealand climate as if we had madf j t ourßolves. Some day the electric light will upersede sunshine for agricultural pu pores, j )r Siemana is already growing cabbages by it. | 'ending that reform the British farmer Bhould , urn his attention to the sunny and equable ( 'Britain of tho South." ] ] A " romantio elopement," reported from , lydney the other day, Dearly camo to gritf »tjj| critical moment through a difficulty which I roso about the young lady's age. Tho run ] ways, accompauied hy two of the young i entleman's friends, had reached a church, the ( arson was ready, the outraged parents were i nown to be iv pursuit, when it was discovered £ iat tho lady waa under 21. "After a fei* s linutes'discussion," saya the telegram, "the t ifficulty was surmounted by tha best man a aklng the bride-expoctant to give him hor shoe ] i pon the sole of which he wrote the figures f yenty-one, wheu she solemnly declared sh* [ as'over 21.' Then the pair wore irrevocably ? ulted." Whether it was for tbe psaco of th*. g irson's conscience or hor own that the brid* h id her wl. ohalked is not aUizCi, Ju a

either esse the incident is ci.riouu. It illus trates a weakness uf human nature which is »p old as the race, aud has bad in its time important historical consequences. Tbe naked ness of the first pair of cinners exacted a fig-leaf for its eoiicenlmenh.- On the sums principle, the Sydne-jr girl who was not- bold enough fo perjure herself out aud ont ws persuaded to make oath that sho iv-?a "over 21" when " 21" had been chalked on tho sole of her boot, In other wordu,hor nbamo had to ha covered by a fig.lonf. A clorcymaii's uon of "my acquaintance, whoße troubled career lately came to a tragical ond in a neiEhbouriiig province, once confided to me the little device by which in early days he used to outwit papa, and fit the same time keep a'clear conscience. " What time did you come in last night, Tom ?" would ask papa at breakfast. " Ol>, between nine and ten," Tom would reply. Young hopeful bad chalked up "9" on one side of tbo door frame and "10" on the othor, so that at whatever unholy hour he returned to tho parental roof he always came in "between 9 and 10." The Jesuits, who understood thoroughly tbe philosophy ol he fig-loaf, produced enormous political re" suits in tho lGfch century by their dexterous applications of it. Thousands of wouk-knoed Frotejtants, especially in courtly circles, were conciliated to Home by the wondrous Jesuit doctrines which made sinning easy, &nd at the same time safe. , By tho direclio intentionis you escaped the guilt of a bad act provided your thoughts were occupied during its performance by a good object. By the reservatio mentalis you could take a frdso oath and yut speak the truth. A man might awear, for instance, that ho had no money, provided he added mentally " none to lend." A favourite formula was, " I •iwoar that (1 say hare, though it is untrue) ihat I, &c, &o." " I swear that I did not do that (a hundred years ago)." Again, by the amphibologia, or equivocation, one might deny or affirm anything by secretly understanding some word in an unusual sense, —about tho French, for instance, by thinking of the word "gftllus" aa implying a cock instead of a Gaul, Pascal's " Provincial Letters' knocked tliis interesting system of siuniug made easy into little bits, but the Jesuits had a good time with it while it lasted, and some people question whotber they haven't pieced it together again. There iB always a demand for it iv weak human nature—witness the young lady in" Sydney with 21 chalked ou the sole of her boot.

Here aro a few elegant extracts strung together as a pendant to my note of the other week on Kissing. I don't reveal how I came I y th.-m. Snffico ie to Bay that there ate r *adcrs of the.Witnesa, both yonng and old, who take keen practical interest iv tho subject, and r>ne of them has, been; cultivatirg what may bo called tho literature of kissing. The first ixample ia from Mallock's "Romance of the Nineteenth Century," a book which the reviewers, I observe, have been handling Mivarely. The two principal lovers kiss fisquently after this manner:

As he was slowly drawing back, hor breath stirred his hair, lie raised his eyes, and hia lips wero cloao to hers. Neithor of them Bpoko, thoy each drow a breath sharply, in another instant tho outer world was dark to them, and their whole universe was nothing but a single kiss.

There ib aUo a lady in the book who " could kina with her eyes almost as unequivocally **a with her lips," though, as the Argus' critic writes, " she does not by any means confine herself to mere occular osculation." The next ► xtract records the smartneES of a New York reporter who interviewed Sara Bernhardt:—

ildllo. Bernhardt grew enthusiastic over America, and expressed tho wish that the natio-i had but one mouth, that she might kiss it. The reporter inbtaully -suggested that he represented tho nation to a certain extent, and ho had " but ono mouth."

Let ua hope that the reporter got his kiss. At the entrance of a restaurant in Peath, where young ladies are employed to stand and wait, ia posted a notice reading, " Gentlemen are requested to abstain from kissing the waitresses en the stairs, as this is a fruitful source of

reaknge, and impedes tho servico." This notice is said fo be a successful protective. Gentlemen frequenting tho restaurant aro eaietul not to kiss tho waitresses "on the stairs." The following from an English funny paper, though only oonnectcd in a remote way with kiting, gives the British as opposed o tho Continental view of the waitress ques-

IiKAUTY axd tiie Ekast.—Scano — Fancy Fair Refreshment Stall.—Matter-01-Fact Man ; " How much is this cup of tea ?" Gushing Thing: " llalf-a-Crown." (With insinuating emphasis.) " llufc than, I have tripped it, you know." AI. of F. Man: "Havo you, |hy JovoV Then 1 tell yon what—here's five shillings, J and give me a clean cup !" Last in the present list comes a little song, by 'an almost forgotten writer, Lord Herbert * ofCherbury. I don't profess quite to understand iit myself, but It''is all about kissing, runs : smoothly and sotmda sweet: — ' Come hither, Womankind, and all their worth, [ Givo mo thy kisjea as 1 call thorn forth ; Give mo thy Billing Kiss : that of tho dove, A Kiss of Love ; | Tho Melting Kiss : a kiss that doth consume To a perfume ; ' Tne Extract Kiss, of evory Bwoct a part: A Kiss of Art; The Kiss whioh ever stira smno new delight: 1 A Kiss of Might; i The Twacking, Smacking Kiss; and when you coaso, — A Kiss of Peace; £ Tho Music Kiss, crotchet and quaver timo : P Tho Kiss of Rhyme ; * ' Tho Kiss of Elooncnce, which doth holong Unto the tonguo; The Kiss of all thu Sciences ln one : The Kiss alono. - So I 'tis enough ! A word about tho approaching examinations for School priz :s. School Ex-tins, require not only a certain amount of superficial knowledge of the subjects, but a good deal of presence of mind. Some nervoua boyß are Boon nonplussed by au unusual f- rm of question, or by tbe manner of tbe examiners. Aa a case in point, I will quoto the following good story from an American monthly :—A ateru-looking bishop was examining a Sunday-school, when, fixiag bis eye on one trembling small boy, ho suddenly asked, "Who made the world ?" "P-p-lease sir, I didu't," was the frightened response of the transfixed little criminal.— "What do you mean, sir?" thundered the stern bishop. "Please, Bir — Jf I did, I won't do it again." Moral—Don't frighten your pupils. The same principle applies to written questions, and I have no doubt aome of ths fu* ny answers ab.mt South Sea Bubble-, &c, are the result of nervoui obfutcution. Promptitude, or what is vulgarly known as "cheek," will often corry off a priz*) when plodding won't do it. If examiners want real results they shouldn't begin by putting tho pupils in a " blue funk." Cms.