A GHOST OR A SATYR?

Otago Daily Times, Issue 206, 6 August 1862, Page 5

A GHOST OR A SATYR?

To the Editor of the Daily Times.) Sir,—l know very well that the present is aa age of illogical unbelief, and an era of transcendental credulity. Ghosts, -h itches, and fairies, et hoc genus omne, are amongst the things that were. Theywent out with pig-tails, powder, and short-waistcd frocks ; whilst mesmerism, asinine—l mean aniiaal-magnet-isra—spirit-rapping, and the oMz force <s»me into vogue simultaneously witli crinoline and peg top peripheries; consequently the latter are devoutly believed in by the orthodox heretics of this absurd age of reason, whilst ghosts are contemptuously poohpoohed as heing out of fashion Tliere is some reason for tins state of feeling in a country which is the antipodes (I had almost written antipathy) ofthe civilised world. Why should " dead corses arrayed"—or ciis-arrayed, as the case may be (though how visitors from the other world ever became possessed of nether garments and silk gowns is beyond my comprehension, Mrs. Veal to the contrary, notArithstanding, unless, indeed, I am to believe that the frail apparel in which poor human nature loves to conceal itself, is revived in spiritland) —why, I ask, should such phantoms " revisit tht glimpses ofthe moon" ia Tavai-Poenamoi ? I can understand their haunting of baronial hals and daintily-cobwebbed cellars in the worn-out—yes, thMt is the phrase—the AA-orn-out countries of Europ, if it be only to procure a renovating sniff of the ~00l things, whereof in their fleshy and vinous days They were such sincere adorers. But, here -faush '— who eA-er heard of a Maori ghost ? Their cannibal feasts are done (I don't mean cooked) ; and there is no chance of thoir getting any moa,—the last of those ancient chickeiu having quitted the country in disgust, just about the' time that the first emigrants arrived here Then, as fur witches — £ cU > * gran* J*o" theie are witches m Dunedin,—lovely Avitches,—dear, bright-eyed, rosycheeked, osculatory Avitches; but none of the stereotyped pattern,—wretched, wrinkled, and rheumatic old creatures, beloved of sable male pussies, and deA'oted to ring-tailed Lucifers. Even ladies'of an uncertain age are good-looking ia Otago,—thanks to the delicious climate, which eifeetually prevents their drying up. Fairies too swarm on eVery hand ; but they do u't pirouette by " the moon's pale rays" on the grassy sward, no !—they waltz " in' halls of dazzau" light," or tantalize all beholders by, daintily picking their steps through the subaqueous thorou-jhfarest attired the while in sweetly-short Balmorals, and' attractive scarlet hose. And"it is mv solemn conviction that the old race of Juries have retired from the scene in an uncomfortable state of mia-1. consequent on being outshone by their modern rivals. So, as I said before, Avhat can the poor, per^cut^l, old night-walkers do ? You know yourself, Mr! Editor, that if you were to meet a ghost you woul I not believe your own eye-sight. Ho.v- theu can I expect you to credit me, when I tell you thai on this very night I have held converse with one cf thesa mysterious beings 1 It is true, neverthelesJ; and it kapoened vast like this. I had been at Jones's—you know him of course— everybody knows Jones of Duuedin. I had been, I say at Jones's, where, in the company of a select few of a scientific turn of mind, I had assisted iv certain elaborate researches, of which the«r.'oi-ld wiil one day reap the benefit. Our experiments were conducted with saccharine matter, aad warm fluid solvents; and I have reason to brieve that the noxious exhalations from the steaming crucibles (which Avere repeatedly exhausted and replenished* temporarily afiected my nervous system in no inconsiderable degree. When iv tiie open air, I experienced a feeling of elasticity—so to speak—a sensation of extreme buoyancy, really astonishing for a <*entlem:*u of my age and weight. In spite "of tlie heavy Avet, the gelatinous mad, and the spherically-metalled roads, I felt some difficulty in maintaining mwelf mthin the scope of the earth's attraction: and I verdy believe, that but for the weight of my boots, and the ingenious ruse (to which I several times resorted) of throwing myself ou the ground, I should not haA-e been able to remain ia ghjbo. Now, sir, it was my desire and intention to proceed to my domicile at Pelichet Bay ; but by some mysterious impulse, ay holly inexplicable to me even vet. — my legs persisted in taking me elsewhere. In vain I strove to resist this impulse. Legs conquered, and I had to go with them; the result was, that I got into the scrub somewhere about the Water of Leith—not Lithe -certainly not Lethe, or I could not have remembered what afterwards occurred. "All at once, as I was going quietly along, following mv erratic legs, I felt a sensation like a violent biow on mv os fronfis, and at the same instant a multitude of vivid" flashes dazzled my vision. Overcome by my emotions I sank into a thick bush, consisting principally of " lawyers," from whose clutches, as usual, I was unable to emancipate myself: sd I lay still for a while, to collect mv scattered faculties. Judge of my astonishment! Just before me (I pledge my veracity for the faert was a huge pine-t"ee out of one of the boles of which, an ugly black visage, having one horribly-winking eye, a savagely comic nose, and a red lob-lolly sort of tongue, was leerin^ at me. With that pluck" for which all the residents of Pelichet Bay are remarkable, I endeavored to resume the perpendicular, preparatory to defying the ghost or satyr before mo. But again the same striking pain pen-aded my cranium, and the spectre's goggle eye winked faster than ever. But, sir, I am not to be daunted ; so I said, most emphatically — " Who are you ? and what do you want ?" I did upon my honor. My blood seemed to freeze, and the marrow in" my spiual vertebra? to stiffen, when I heard "the Thing say in a short, dry, barky sort of voice :— " Get out cf that, you peripatetic A-egetable ! What should such fellows as you do'crawling about mv domain 1" • " Sir," I replied, with that suaviter in modo for which our family has always been renoAraeu, " I am one ofthe oldest residents in the country, yet I neA-er had the pleasure of hearing of you before*: and if I haA-e not a rizht to be here, I should like to know who has, that's all! " " Bah!" growled The Thing. " Don't tell me. You one of the oldest residents! You call yourself an 'Old Identity' I suppose, aad imagine that because you came here a year or two bofore the rest of your tribe, the country belongs to you. Faugh ! you ephemeral interloper. Look at me. Here have my forbears flourished for uncounted centuries, always ranking amongt the highest and-the noblest in the land. Here have I dweltfor two hundred and fifty years, from the time I was t-vrigcred as a spruce young tree, till now that I pine in'soliiary grandeur amongst the scrubby race of the present day. Tie Dinomis and I were old chums, and when the Maories came, I thought them innovators, and looked do-am upon them with far more reason than you—-with your one-day-old Identitvship—presume to look down on your half-a-day-old brethren. Take a lesson from'a tree, and learn to be civil. If I-can tolerate you, why should you grumble at them ? You will ail of you be dead and gone, long before I shall disappear : unless indeed, some of you axe me to remo\-e my trunk, which would certainly be the uakindest cut of all, if my age and ancestry are fairly eonsiAnd here The Thing emitted a moaning sound, Avhich quite touched my heart; so in «rder to soothe the old fellow, I said; "Sir, I quite sympathise with you, as thfe descendant of an ancient and honorable family myself." The Thing Interrupted me with a hoarse laugh. "Oh ! ho! ho!" it shouted, or lather snarled, " You Elume_ yourself on your descent, do you? Ho! • o 1 I shall split my sides if you talk, such nonsense. Think of a descent from one of my collateral branches, and shut up ! Ho ! ho! ho 1" "I tell you what, old gentleman,"said I, "it is my opinion you have been on the spree somewhere You're drunk, sif!" * * * " No," cried The Thing, snappishly, "Not drunk, * • only a little fresh. It has been raining all the ni^ht* and being cold without, perhaps I have haS a Srop « too much. But I am not as seedy as you" (this, of course, was a fib.) " 4nd now," it continued, " take c your lea\-e of me, and get home, and bear in mind what I say. Be advised by a tree, or you, and such as you, avill soon be up a tree yourselves, Av-ith your shallow pretensions, begotten of. yesterday, *£nd doomed to perish to-morrow. If any body has a right to set up for the real, Old Original Identity, it « is myself; but lam too sensible to do anything of the sort, for I have leafnt by experi€face, that there is room enough for all.—There!" « " * And then The Thing bowed a lofty farewell, and (before I could mention my name) vanished, leaving me rooted to the ground with amazement. Just as I * was considering whether it was really a pine or a hoax, an individual came along with a lantern. He wae= a New Identity of course—l was _%re of that by his carrying a light. Why cauld hs not be content to Avalk in the dark, as we of the old school have done for many a year ? However, as I like to be civil to , strangers, I politely assisted him, so far as the door i of my own house, outside of which I left him, and at once sat dotra by the fire, with a good stiff glass of , toddy, to pen this epistle, whilst the circumstances i were fresh in my memory. I don't think much of the old fellow's intellect - but no doubt his heart is sound, for all that. I remain, Mr. TKditor, i Yours to command, Jack Bomksos, August Ist, 1862.