FUN AND FANCY.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XLII, Issue 12823, 15 April 1916, Page 4 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY.

"Miss Flighty made all her money in letters." "She doesn't look literary." "She isn't. Slip won a'luearh of promise suit with 'em. "Is he a good golfer?" "What do yo\i -mean? Does he play proficiently,' or does lie refrain from swearing when he makes .a bad shot?'' "I trust we shall make you feel quit* at home," remarked the hotel manager. "Don't you try it," expostulated °tlnmarried man. "Pin away for a good time." Irate Father : "It's astonishing, Richard, how much money you need. Son: "i don't need it. father": it's the hotelkeepers. (he tailors, and the -taxi cab men.

Hub: "One night while you were awav I'heard a burglar. You should have seeii me ;j.oing downstairs three steps at a time." ' ' s

Wife (who knows -himj : "Where war he, on the roof'/"

lat and Sandy were discussing d." merits nf their respective regiments, and each one was of the opinion that his own was the best.

"Why," said Pat. "when our colon-1 is dismtssm' us he says to the officer. 'Fall out, "iiitlemen!'" "That disna coont for miickle,'.' replkd Sandy. "Gin oor colonel wis tae sav that, a" the regiment wad fa' oot." Fun and Fa nth. "Before we were married, you used ;. send around a dozen roses every week said she. "Roses are easy," replied he. "TL week I'm going to send around two He; oLcoal and a rib-roast." "How did Jack come to break wiii Miss Sweetleigh? He used to say that sh was as good as gold." "Yes, but-you see he's cot acquaint.-: with a girl who has gold." Dora: "How many times did vou •■■■ fuse Jack before you accepted him ?" . Ethel: "Only once. He seemed so encouraged, I was afraid to try,it again. First Officer: "What was the joke ab.'e;; Lieutenant Footle ?" Second Officer: "Why the major's wi;'said she'd be glad of his companv at he; house %n Wednesday, .and the silly atook all his men along." Mother: "My dear Percv, m,v.- ii,-.-.-you've left college you must reallv h.--j.... looking for some sort of employment.'' Percy: "But don't you think, moth., it would be more dignified to wait imn ; the offers begin to come in?"

An old Scotch farmer, who had l-.er-henpecked all his life,' was about to ill-. His wife felt it her duty to offer bin such consolation as she mlcbt, and said "Sandy, you are about to V>. but I v.ii follow you." "I suppose so, Jean," said the old in'.; weakly. "But so far 33 I am concerns you needna be in ony extraordinai' birr about it."

Going Down. 'Die Missouri pastor looked over in glasses and shook his uncut locks. "Carrying out my original declaration.'' he Said, "I am about to call the names of those, persons who are now asleep :r. the congregation. John Stackpole!" There was no response; "John Stackpole!" The stout man stirred again. "Be down in a minute," he drowsilv calls. "Keep things hot for me." The pastor's voice rang out: "You're going down, all right, John Stackpole," he roared; "and things wii": be kept very, very hot for von! Let ua now sing the 99th hymn."