FUN AND FANCY.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XVIII, Issue 12070, 25 October 1913, Page 4 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY.

A wag' says that when he thinks of Ireland wanting Horn© Rule his hoait goes ''Pity Pat." A. sago n's a man who will nit up all night and worry over thiings that a fool never even heard! of. Joan : Do you think he will love m when I am old ? Jean: There is oim consolation—you will goon know I She: W;e women are all misunderstood. He: Well, you never sair out who tried to make herself plain, did you ? That man must lie thick-skinnod indeed who cannot be touched by tit depth of feeling evinced by the mosquito. ' Old-fashioned! Individual: Well, lit* man; building a castle? tfin-de-Siocfo Infant: Nope. This is a hotel; there'/ no money in castles. Wagg: What is tho diifferenco between a hen with two wings and a hen with only one wing Bagg: I don't know, I'm smvo. Wagg: Why, morrfj a difference of a "pinion!" "Boss," complained tho famow twirler, "I'm all rim down I" "I don't wonder," sharply answered tho m»» ; agea- of the team. "You've been tryinf! to save, your arm by pitching witlioot winding up." ■;, "It seems strange that ho could plunI der a great corporation like that fa years without being found out." "Wat you. see, the corporation was prettj busy itself." landlady: You believe in mustarj plasters, doctor? M.D.: Rather I I always order them for patients who.tfß mo out in the middle of tho night wiie» there's nothing tho matter with 'om. "I wonder who originated, tho «; pression, "Reckon without his host?'. "Very likely it was some deluded hoM guest who tried to figure out for hißself what his hill was going to M. ■'• "Louise, I really can not-permit J* to read novels on Sunday." "B 0 ; 1 grandma ma, this novel is all right; t! tells about -a girl who was engage to three Episcopal clergymen, all » once." A lady whom Cassini, the astronomer, had invited to see an cclipsow the moon, arrived too late. She saw "M. de Oassiui, I know, will Lave* goodness to 5 begin it all over again » please me." - Nervous Tourist: Are you sure* driver is a strictly sober man? »* does not look like an abstainer. Law lord: Woel, there's no an abstain* aboot the place, mam, but he's thonef best thing tao it; yc-canim fill that J" 1 foil."

Twenty. years' ago, a largo stonm 9 was wrecked off the coast of DioPl* With considerable difficulty some oft* passengers were rescued in a boat. -J few Custom-Houso officers, who l" 1 . courageously rushed to their assistant, began by asking them "if they had an?* thing to declare." , 9 „ "What exactly was it vou said, asked the Wild West waiter. "Watdi,. replied the thirsty customer. "I f dcrod a glass of water." "The te c \%\ sir," said the waiter, "there's so Iwr demand for these foreign drinks ""' the boss don't stock them any longef-j Try a little rye, whisky, maybe?" ~ "I was weacling an —aw —account* 1 ' woman being gored l to death by a/betfjj Iv cow, doncher know," retawf.. young Dudleigh. "Weally. I <*' imagine a, more howwiblo affair,J 1 ,.; you .Miss Caiistique?" "No, Mr P°*-j leigh," replied Miss Caustiquo. ff 'Vjj\': mighty yawn; "unless it is being »<>•*'<: to death by a- calf." rf ; "0 Clara, wo had a dreadful this morning, a burglar, scare!" s>Vi. Mrs. Fink. "There was a, iYigM'l noise about two o'clock,, and I E O , „''' I turned on the light and looked do*»' ; to see a man's legs'sticking out. Wff under the bed." "Mercy, how full The burglar's?" "No, my a*; my husband's. He Had heard ®fnoise, too." Jfc