FUN AND FANCY.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XXXIX, Issue 10783, 3 June 1911, Page 4 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY.

Speaker (warming to his subjecii: What we want is men with conviction*., and where shall we find them ? Voice: In gaol, guv'nor. "Pray do not hesitate, madam." said the judge to a witness who was t-o state her age. "The longer you Imitate the older you get." "I understand that after waiting years she married a struggling inanr' "Yes, poor chap. He th' best he knew, but she landed iiim. ' Stranger in London: How nm< li d" your policemen get? I'olicotnaii: uverago about thirty shillings a ue,k. "That much a week, and limnd: ".No, we are never found." Wife (reading paper): .Mere, is an ;n----count of a man in Yorkshire ivlio .sold his wife for five pounds. Isn't if, <lre:inful? Husband (thoughtfully,!: I dunno. Five pounds is a good deal oi money. Neighbor: Why docs your new liidiy cry so much? Little Brother: Well, i> your teeth were out, your hair olf, a"d 'your legs so weak that yen cmil'lii!' stall' on them, I rather fancy you'd iH like eryin\yourself. "It is estimated," says a contemporary, "that a man who lives to [''' 60 years old has spent seven months w buttoning his shirt collar." The t" ll '' he spends in searching for that l"* 1 stud must be appalling to eoitteuipwte ; "I want to ask one more (iiic-stion. said little Frank as he was beiiiK P"j to bed. "Well?" acquiesced the tirrf mamma. "When holes come in stockings, what becomes of the piece 111 stocking that was there before the came?" . "What's the matter with yon morning, Delia?" asked Mrs ma'am," replied the servant girl, = the terrible earache I have this raor "j in'." "Ah! You should ho carcn Delia. All the keyholes hi this Iwuf are very draughty." . , "Isn't Jebbs a believer m the tau cure?" "He is.." "Is it true 'he didn't have a. doctor f" r ~,W the other day, when she was ill." is quite true." "Well, I saw a doc£ go into his house just now. _ that's all right. He's ill how Juki- ■ Little Mary went into the on a visit to her grandmother. • ing in the garden, she elm nee'd . la peacock, a. bird sho had never ■ She ran quickly into the housis ■ j cried out: "Oh, gran'ma, come o.u see. There's an old chicken in - bloom. . ]• The respondent in the • case acknowledged that He not spoken to his wife, for I;i'' t i, e "What is your explanation' i „] judge. "Your lordship, lie didn't like to interrupt the l™y. Doctor: Yes, the symptoms ao serious. You must go to , and I will call and see- you twice ■ -j Patient: In that case it s hick> 1 J■ . , the lodge last week. Drc'oi • • V o;i case! Good gracious! Wh>d>Jy ' m oq v so c r* Take a pennyworth oi M'-_-salts? you'll be all right "Weil, Jack, r the links the inorra . J „ u „ ili» jock repeated doubtful >. -. > a jnorrn'," said Sandy. 1 U roun' on the links the; morrn - weel," said Sandy. 111 , t ]„ I had intended to get mari^l

morrn." „ c -y.,.,- York Patrick Ford, editor of Irish World said nt a i„ New York: "Those Utetu p with their talk of a. revolution, me. They are a lawless lot-as ia as Annie Kelley. w parlor maid to a ? Annie siirMerion Square, Dublin. - prised her mistress one n iiv the gift of a toe pheasant b , tress, to find out if Anme ff ]jer? the I)ird honestly,, said. , c ],? « JOU if'Sfc, "»• "Sure, ma'am, saia „ father's poacher to Lord ■ • -