FUN AND FANCY.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 10628, 3 December 1910, Page 4 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY.

; Customer: Are- those .eggs any good ? Grocer : Can't heat envsjr. ■ Custonjcr: My .-..gracious! arc they as far gone as that? " In. a poultry journal mention is made of a hen-pecked poet, egged; on by need of cash, who. wrote a' lay about the setting sun. Mistress (to cook, as the deljt collector goes): That is my brother, Jessie. Cook: Yes, I -know. Ho was my last mistress' brother also. . Little Willie: .What "is a lawyer, pa ? Pa: A lawyer, my son, is a man who induces two other men to strip ( for a fight and then runs off with' their clothes. First AVoman: My-/usband came- 'ome. early last night, so I put' my arm,round.

'is neck aud kissed im. Woman: All' serve, 'im ,i"Hy < right. "When Harold proposal in iw•• s Maud, "1 told him In pi :l, "l papa." "But you don't really him?" said Maymie. nnit.-iM But 1 do so love to pl:iv lull' 1 papa." Mrs X (away from lunne): .lulm, you leavo out anything lor il"'™' i'oro you started? .Mr X ikluhlim tho beast): Yes; I Ml a ••an ' doused milk on the table, u:iii tli'"' opener beside if. . . Wife: John, you had li<"ii drink too much last evening. 11 hslkiii'l. a sense! But what makes \»u lit™ Wife : You were so 'I. J know.' flie children M>i<l iwy '"1 saw you so pleasant. , "What was tho matl'T who just went out of Hie simp. « the, greengrocer of his ' found fault witli the put n ""J was tho matter with tliein.

difln't like the color of iheireu* Small Girl: Why doesn't. what arc the .s.vmj>)oins Lassitude, doctor—a sense 1,1 '"''j' and a general disinelinaiieii tnu"» thing. Motoring .Doctor•: Oh. v 1 "11 boon exceeding the feed limit. The electric veiitilaiin;;, la " wall of the restaurant. wiin »* round. A. gentleman wlm M" dil extremely well sat h">kiii;', at j l . some time. "Waiter," I"' i" 111 ! 1 ™ at last, "that clock's fast. , Husband (angrily): Look luiv.» will you learn (.hat a rav.'ir iql1 : tiling for cutting rope nwl ■ s "" ''"J pencils with? Wife <raliul,\)- ' when you learn that ;i Ikiiil" 11 lHlt ' thing for cleaning a. pij><' "it'l- - Lady: Aren't, w.ti tin- ' gavo a piece of cake. In ki>t . The Hobo: I'm dat Hani''. ' Kind Lady: 1 suppose y.iii llllV '. ' at work ever since ? r J'ii<■ linen:' • ■ teller lie, ma'am. I've I'm 111 1 [ pittle ever sence. ~ Steward (the first day mil): ring, sir? Traveller: e.-. ' .—1 rang. Steward: AnyllniiK bring you, sir? Traveller: tewa'rd. IJ-ring me a eniii ineiit, i . have one, or an island--: 111 ?, steward, so-l-ltd-long as it's sl "''' you cftn't sii.s-sink-tlie-slii|i. , .Timiuie giggled when the ' road the story of the Roman u"".hacross the Tiber three 'ii"' s '!. 1 breakfast-. "Voti do »" 1 trained swimmer could do that. <ln James?" "No, sir." an-H'orw mie; "hut I wondered wh.\ make it four and get hack t" his clothes were on." ii.fi Homail Guide (impiesMyel.v)ruins of the Coliseum! SentU>'•■ (astonished): 'Well, wlnn d". v " U |,l of that! Why, 1 saw plioi>«»»£, that heap twenty years a;;". Guide ■ (loftily): Quite hkel).', Seattle Man: lint why u> 'K aren't those ruins cleared a«: 0 mode.'U coliseum creeled J ja A deaf but pious English l:i«) , ( i:ig a smair connLry l.ou n in h' ll , went to church, armed wiili m' trumpet. The elders had nevci one and viewed if uith su.-in 1 ' 1 " 'j 0 uneasiness. Aftei' a short one of tliem went up to the before the opening ul' the sei vi ll '- ' j,. wagging his finger at her ,»»' ( jr whispered, "One toot and ye ie - ;t Sho was bubbling over «)'» j t i„ mas excitement and could S , ■ secret .no longer. "Dearest. •; claimed todier husband, "I not till Christmas to tell you "I': 1 !', p ijo, vou for a present. ' "Wen. jt ;- ! tho young ' husband, "what . "I'vo-got you. a new rug l" 1» 1M | )r(1]lz o of ' niy 'dressing-table ami , jclf . statuette for the parlor m.u { )l£1 p" Now j what aro you going y> p l ', c ] l3 ll "Well," ho, replied, "I , j,nd « get you a ne-.v shaving razor.','