THE 'BUS HORSE CONSCRIPT.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 10597, 28 October 1910, Page 2

THE 'BUS HORSE CONSCRIPT.

(By Alan Ostler, in the London Express.) The London omnibus horses were detraining in sections in the goods yard . at Aldershot, and as they stepped.nervously among tarpaulins, luggage-lor,-ries, and. milk-cans, a big bay troop horse and an artillery wheeler regarded ' their arrival with amusement. "What do you make of them, mate?" asked the Artillery Wheeler at- last. "Animal, vegetable, or mineral?" "I'll be fired if 1 know," snorted E27 contemptuously. "Here's one .-that looks like a cross between a clothes- ! horse and a battery mule." I The omnibus horse looked up viciously, showing a motithful of prodigious yellow tusks, and laying his ears bacli: wickedly as he spoke. ■ I "None o' your lip," said he.' Ivo I been shut up. in a.bloomin' 'at-box and towed over the scenic railway for hours,

nn' I don't feel inclined to listen to 3heap wit from a lop-eared, slab-sided :ostermonger's moke that" doesn't know i 'oss from'a 'am-sandwioh. Jest you 'earn a little respect for your betters. [ 'ad a own brother that was through the South. African campaign with the yeomanry, let me tell you." "You look," said E27 acidly, "as jI you'd had a- grandson that came over with William the Conqueror an' a 'jrother-in-lav that 'elped build Stoneiienge." ' , , ~ ,_, "That's right," retorted tho 'Bus Horse. "Hub it in about me hem' wot you might call aged. lam a bit oldish, [ grant you —all us 'bus 'orses are, cos there's lio new blood since them bloomh' motor-buses come in. But Ive got , more work in me yet than any qllcroacked cavalry 'orse that over spoilt a orse blanket, and don't you forget it. "There, there, mate, you'll be all -ight in a day or two." The Artillery Wheeler spoke soothingly. "Don t you .ake our idle words to 'eart. And don t -ush about like that, 'cos if you do vour bones'll rattle and you'll stampede ;he camp." —, The 'Bus Horse turned away and presented to his tormentors a serrated 3a "lt's alius the same," he mumbled, ,vag<dng a hairy under-lip wratliiully. '"Wc London gents come down 'ere and shows these' rural blighters 'ow to work, in' all the thanks we gets is an amount if cheek that 'ud sicken a penny rockiu orse I've been through it all before, Tom Aldershot to Okehampton an jack. I've pulled water-carts, forage vagons, kitchen vans, commissariat >arts, an' 'Eaven knows what else; Ive jerved my country 'ard and honest, an ill I gets is jeers. 'Taint my fault I ihi't a 'Ouse'old Cavalry charger. An f they was to give us the job, I dessay is 'bus 'orses 'ud get through real miliary work as well as most. Anyway, ve could do two days' trottin' and can;erin' without wantin' to lie downfall lie at the end of it; which is more than lome of these precious troop 'orses can iar. "Why, dash my hocks and pas;erns, I've been 'arnmerin' 'lgh Oloorn long enough to know what work is, I reckon, and I ain't afraid of any 1 m

likely to meet with on manoeuvres. "Between ourselves, we London orses makes nothing of a week or two m the country. Quite an 'oliday, m fact, for us pore 'ard-working blokes. There s three thousand of us dahn 'ere nan, an' we'll ge through more work m » fortnight than any bloomm' provincial nags 'ud do in a lifetime. But, bless yer 'eart, that ain't nothink to us. Whv, the relief of gettin' out of that eveflastin' trot, trot, trot is worth anythink. Some of us can't 'ardly realise it. I've knowed some as couldn t tall in with these country ways nohow. There was a mate of mine—a gentleman wot pulls the Archway Tavern omnibus —wot would trot. Couldn't 'elp 'isseU; and to see 'im joltin' a light forage-cart over these 'ere narrer lanes was a fair treat. An' many a time I've seed a 'ole column set orf just 'cos a baker's hoy on a bicycle come be'ind an rung 'is bell. There's many a one can't he got to start at all unless 'is driver shouts 'Right, Bill!' an' rings a bell. "Of course, we misses a lot o' things. I don't 'old with this sleepin' on the ground floor, for instance. I believe in three or four flights o' stairs up to the stable door, like I've alius been used to. It 'elps to take the stiffness out of your joints afore startin' on a day's 'work. An' this 'ere.green stuff growin' "all over'the ground—l don't think :t's 'olesome. There's some that gets into the way of eatin' it by the mouthful. But pussonally gimme prime old vatted 'ay. with a good bloom on it, like we 'as at 'omc

"An' then, again, this 'ere Plain's a puflick 'owlin' wilderness. There ain't no ouses, no kebs, no coppers, no nothink, sometimes. "Why, it's wuss than Trafalgar Square of a rainy night on tilt last trip 'ome. An' I ain't never seed a fog 'ere —not wot you might call a real 'ealthy fog, with" plenty of nourishment in it. Would you believe it, I sometimes gets that 'ome-sick [ fair longs to be up in the middle of a. nice cosy 'old-up near the Mansion ?Ousc, with a copper 'oldin' 'is 'and up against my nose, an' sparrers an' newsboys 'iimmin' about all cheerful an' 'appy, an' nussmaids crossin' the road and tellin' the kiddies not to go too

near the pretty 'orses. ' 'Of course, w'en we goes back we alius 'as a lot to talk abalit- to tlie blokes wot was left be'ind. There's my near stable-mate, now, wot wasn't, able to pass inspection, 'im bein' blind an' a bit laine, not to speak of 'is bein' 'ard on forty-two. Well, w'en I come back from avin' served my country out 'ere 011 manoeuvres, that 'orse fair idolises me. An' there ain't no fairy tales 'e don't swaller. Last year I told 'im I'd been drafted straight into the Queen's Bays, me bein' a weight-car-rier. Told 'im I was mentioned honorable in despatches twyst. Wen I get back this time I'll tell 'im the tale 'ow I'was picked out by a Major-General to be 'is charger. After all, there ain't no knowin' but what I might be. If you was to see me pacin' proudly between the shafts of a commissariat waggon, 'ang me if you wouldn't take me for a. thoroughbred. "But all the same, I gets a bit 'omesick sometimes. Yer don't 'appen to carry a bicycle bell in yer pocket, do yer, guv'-nor No ? Then p'raps you'd be so kind as to 'oiler 'Benk! Benk!' or ' 'Ammersmith an' Marble Arch, tuppence all the -way?' An' if yer could add, ''lg'ner up, there!' or -'This way for the gallopin' 'orses!''.m' say a few rude words abahfc motor buses, I'd take it very kind. "Thank you, sir."

Watch the New T Model Ford go j fry.—F R. Dennison, Agent. |