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Oamaru Mail, Volume XVI, Issue 4952, 18 April 1891, Page 4

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A Spv:vfc>'V ®fi». \x;v< lit tin? hah it of i fhe PSfTPSMtfitt *• I say" t»>«. frc* : H-HKntty *;>.< eriticwtl by an opponent. ;mif thp tvs*C Etnip hj»; saw Che critic, he ! t.fuw htm : '* I say. Mr. I hear say jo't s;vy I ,*ay * I say' at every «»nl I ; »ivy. Xf>w. sir, atf hnttirh I know I say • ( «ay* ;%6 «»v*ry wont I sav. still. I my, sir. it U ru>6 for y«>w to say 'I wy' at i every wnetl I say. ■ *" What f.< sweeter thati to Itav»*a trtfii'l v.'it cu.tv r.ctt-af. ' " a«ke»t Sfawkirt*. "To fiavo » friend who will fruit yon." re--1 plit'iE tlHwfcin.s. " I'tc iiMiltr tip my ntiml t»» dl#nd for • j»mw plwe at th«< nest sreneral election," I f>lw««!jrve» 3fwscji»!»i:«n. ""I'm glad of tha* • - &«©»«««» y»>wll n«e get a wt," replied hi»C(""tt friend tVrkins. I'cKwre : *" I had my diamond j>;it -t- ---: tw«f, nnjht." : "" How can it Ik* i'K-riCitici t '" •• It had » patent thivf safety chain attached." Instanees »t heavy ."-coring by three brother* in the cricket tieM have been alf";iieti (siiy.* the Daily Tinier Mt'llwumc o >mspoudent> during the week. On Friday. D. M'Lwd, playinj; for the ! Scotch College ajjainst the Cicclong (Jramruar Sch"»>!. carrier! oat lit* bat for the ftu*> score »f li»>l raw. On Saturday R. M"L»:>>i| *:n al->o not out with ah innings tif for Melbourne against .South Melbourne. A third brother. C. M'Ukl, I playing with Oniinnd against Coburjj for \ l*»yte and ScottV Cap, on Saturday made : ir»7 without Wing hi* wicket. The three j brother* have thus made ail aggregate of 47*5 runs without, any of them icing out. Temperate : Pshaw ! Talk about you swearing off". I don't believe you could do it 11 «aro your life : Fuller: Is that so? That"* all you know about it! I swora off five times last week ! Ixion. the hurdle horse, hat been sold to Mr A. R. Blacklock. owner of Vengeance. and will, it it stated, be taken to Australia. The price ho {aid was 3QO gui * I

I am not speaking at random (.says "Mazcppa" in the Witness) in prophesying that Itcfore next session is over, there will Iks a more made in '.ho House in the direction of limiting hy Btatntc the percentage chargeable to the public for the use of the totalisator. A Berlin chemist claims to have discovered a chemical preparation which will turn a living person to marble in six minutes, the petrefaction being complete one month after death. You can have your choice of white, black, or mottled marble, ami. if a good figure, you will bo worth LoOO as a piece of statutory. Bismarck says his only ambition is for a good epitaph." Plenty of his enemies would agree to furnish the epitaph if Bismarck would only furnish the opportunity. A inan can't expect an epitaph as long as he lives. A doctor practises on his own patients, but a musician practises oil the patience of others. Hp thought, and always had thought, that he was a born humorist. " What quantities of dry grass you have collected Miss Jones : nice room fur a donkey to get iiit«>." '• Make yourself at home." >he said sweetly. Nervous gentleman: "Now, be careful how you drive, cabby, and go slowly over the stones, for I hate to he shaken ; »nd mind you pull up at the right house, and l"<>k out for those steam-rollers." Cabby: " Never fear, sir, I'll do my best. And which 'orspital do you wish to be taken to, sir, in the case of a haccideut