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Oamaru Mail, Volume X, Issue 4206, 6 September 1888, Page 4

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A lucid explanation.—Teacher(to class): " la this atacza what ia meant by the line, ' The shades of nisht were falliog fast ? ' " Bright scholar : " The people were pulling down the blinds." 11 Hammond says that deatli is not a necessity." "Does he? Well, I have jaat finished settling.np Harkins' estate, yon know, and judging from the undertaker's bill I paid, I'm prepared to. agree with him. It's a luxury." A health writer says " the washtub is an excellent gymnasium." Bat will our yoong ladies take kindly to it ? As Mr Bacon says in Shakspeare's works, " Ay, there's the rub." And it is the "rub" that makes the washtub unpopular aa a gymnasium. " And if I should die, dear." said a sick husband, " will you B.imetimes visit my grave?" "Yes, dear," she replied, . brokenly, " every Sunday afternoon ; and I will take tbc children. Poor little things they don't have very much to enjoy." A Melbonrne doctor say 3 new-born colonial babies average a pound heavier than those which come to light in Eogland. He was a Jew, who travelled for a big New York house, and sold small wares. Seated comfortably in the Pullmnu, be found beside him a rather sedate-looking gentleman, with whom he sought to converse, and after the manner of his kind, began by telling what goods he sold. " And yon, my friend," he said, " vat i3h your line?" "Brains," answered his sedate and would-be retiring companion. "Ah brains, you aay ? That must be nice. Yon carry no samples, eh 1" A lady correspondent in Rome sends the following amusing account of the Pope'a jubilee presents, now on view at the "Vatican. So numerous wa3 the collection that it was more like the Manchester Exhibition, or some huge cooperative store, than anything else, and it was impossible to see the sculptnre or paintings on the walls, so hidden were they by the piled-np bales and packing cases. In one heap we counted no lees than one hnndred cushions (including every horrible variety of worsted and crewel work). There were literally thousands of slippers, and 200,000 stoles; and though the number of " vestments to match" did not qnite attain to this gigantic figure, they were yet sufficiently numerous to keep most of the churches in Italy supplied for many a long year to come. One large room was full of cases of champagne, piled upon one another with such confusion that, ia some inBtauces(to the great indignation of connoisseurs), the bottles had been placed upside down,, or were standing ia an upright position; cork 3 were consequently flying fast, and much of the valuable contents had already been Bpilt upon the floor. Gaskets, vases, rcsaries, pieces of plate, were there innumerable—every sort of curiosity from every part of the world. Among'other odd things that might be noticed were hundreds of sets of baby clothes—about the last Bort of gift one might have expected to meet with under the circumstances. These were given, howevef, by the Pope'a own express desire. He particularly asked for baby clothes, in order that he might band them on to the foundling hospitals and other kindred institutions, in which he has always taken a benevolent and fatherly interest. Said the little one : " Mother only ordered one babe, and when the doctor came he brought two, and they were so much alike and so pretty that mother didn't know which to choose, and bo Bhe kept them both." In a recent article on General Boulanger Henri Rochefort remarked :—His desire, or, if the word be preferred, his dream, !b to make an end of the deplorable war of parties which at present endangers France by substituting the self-interest of sections of tie Hou3e,-aye, even the self interest of individuals, for the welfare of the country. But what the enemies of General Boulanger have never said, although they all know the fact, is that the head of the great national party which demands revision deaires above everything else the conservation and consolidation of the Republic. In fine, the Boulangist movement Is' the product of a twofold current of opinion. It resumes in itself on the one hand the dissatisfaction which all thinking frenchmen feel in view of the stupid inefficiency o{ the present Chambers, and on the other hand that love of country, that desire for the security and greatness of France, which is the deepest passion in the French nature. Qaite recently M. Clemenceau, mistaking the character of this immense movement cf public opinion, and looking with suspicion upon the intentions of General Boulanger, predicted all sorts of sinister eventualities, and said at last to me, "Boulanger will yet pnt you in Mszis." "So much the better," I replied ; " I shall be content if he will bnt give back to Francs Alsace and Lorraine." I must confess that in saying this my temper led me perhaps into a little exaggeration. I do not believe that General Boulanger will ever put me into that cell in which I passed sometime onder the Empire, but I have a wild hope and a profound belief that if within our time the French shall float again over Scrassbnrg and Me'z it will be planted there by the patriotic officer who was turned out of the active army by politicians who can do nothing but talk. As the sword of the best-tempered steel Is the most flexible, so the truly generous are the most pliant and courteous in their behaviour to their inferiors. Affect not little Bhifts and subterfuges to avoid the force of an argument.—Dr Watts. Sometimes a noble failure serves the world as faithfully as a distinguished success.—Dowden. He that loves not his wife and his children feeds a lioness at homo and broods a nest of sorrows, and blessing Itself cannot'make him happy.—Jeremy Taylor. Truth on the Parneli forgeries has the followingl confess that I attach no sort of importance to the question whether the signatures are declared to be genuine by experts, because I myself could so closely imitate Mr Parnell's signature that no expert would be able to distinguish between his name written by himself and written by me. In proof of this I make the following sporting offer to the Times, to experts, or to anyone else who will take np the challenge. I will submit 20 sheets of paper, C. S. Parnell; and I will make a bet that i: will be impossible to say which are genuine signatures and which are not. Anyone who takes up this bet shall have full opportunity to study the 20 sheets, and may call to his aid all the experts in the world. N.B.— I am a man of business, and, as I am ready to Btake the money, I shall expect any one taking up this challenge to do the same.