IT WOULDN'T WASH.

Oamaru Mail, Volume I, Issue 246, 5 February 1877, Page 2

IT WOULDN'T WASH.

Blodger is-%.convivial soul, r.nd as convivial souls usually do, he can never contrive to get- home until the small hours, but he liad hit upon a plan for conciliating the wife of his bosom which would have been efficacious to this date had he kept the secret to himself. His plan was this ; Arriving home, say at one a.m., he would pretend to think that his wife was asleep, and as he divested himself of his garments, would talk to his reflection in the lookingglass after the followin •• fashion :—"John, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, keeping such ungodly hours, and there's your dear little wife, the finest woman in the world, been sitting up for you until she had to go to bed, and there she is, the darling, tired out and fast asleep, and you spending your time and your money outside. If you were anyone else, I would punch your head ; I would, you brute and John slips under the b'ankets to find a nice warm arm under his neck, and not a word of reproach. But John, one day, told Splodger, who tried the sune ruse, and with equal success, but Mrs. S., in one of those confidential gossips which women have with each other, said to Mrs. 8., " Splodger, do, you know, my dear, is always ashamed of himself whenever he is late, and the way in which he talks to himself in the looking-glass, and praises me, is so strong that I cannot find in my heart to scold him." Blodger found out, on Burns' Anniversary that he was played out, and now goes home at nine o'clock punctually. He and Splodger don't speak.—" Here, There, and Everywhere," in the Grey Hiver A rgus.