AN OBLIGING LECTURER.

Oamaru Mail, Volume I, Issue 231, 18 January 1877, Page 2

AN OBLIGING LECTURER.

Some time ago we announced that Sir. John Philip Armstrong, who, we may mention, is an amusing lecturer and a clever dentist, intended visiting Oamaru with a double object —that of opening his own mouth in his first capacity, and those of dental sufferers[in the second. Hewever, be it also known that " Honest John," as he is familiarly dubbed, is a patriot of the first water, and just at the time he was due here. Mr. Macandrew issued his famous Convention invitations. Mr. Armstrong received a summons, in his capacity of M.P.O. for Mount Ida, but he nobly scorned the filthy lucre which would accrue from the trip, and hurried to the summons of his chief. Our amusing friend, " Frank Fudge," in the Saturday Advertiser, now informs us that the lecturer intends—we presume his Provincial business being thoroughly at an end — to visit various districts, and in conjunction publishes an advertisement, which we annex. We do not for a moment doubt that the lecturer will faithfully carry out all that is set down in the programme ; but our acquaintance with "Mr. Fudge's " abilities as a clever " skit " writer has been of too long a standing to be taken in, he being the same gentleman who not only successfully hoaxed the Melbourne Argus, but a few of the Koine papers over De Murska's marriage : " Food for the ear, s'.veets for the memory, happy thoughts, ecc.ntnc smiles, wit without vulgarity, and joy without alloy. About 0:10 hundred minutes o: healthy time can bo -.u.v0i.e.1 to the pleasant pastime of Hearing John Pliihp Armntivmg, 6.D.. cU-livvrr <->ll j of his qasiint extemporaneous soliloquies ! in tie ii'ure; ■ tors' ri.ai!, Port C.".aliii.;io, oil i?Yi ".ay iv-_::tn:-r, -''an. 12. The doors v.'i.i op.n a* 7 .&/ p.!;:.. aiul Mr. Ai';ii:-,tfoiig v.-i;i i ..:u■ i;p r pr.:;;,; upon ii»oiu . ;.:s i ■■>■■■■■> v ..is iu-ill. T.iij hi-t- v r.-;.: -i :.•> . clock, no!; to Mr. A.'s t.>■ Vnu.: i b-u iiii 2 mail, ho \vi;i j/> > i ioiir-j;-/; and !i« will s-ipply t'.tv crowded audi.-m-e with an ent:ivly now portfolio <>i summer laugliter. And t..is supply is warranted to supersede all advertise taee creams in its power to erase wrinkles. Friends will do well to bring their deaf relations, for Mr. A.'s anecdotes are charms to soothe the dullest ear ; and stepmothers and mothers-in-law who desire to be mothers in love will receive, free of ex.ra charge, several gallons of the milk of Armstrong's kindness, which, if allowed to stand long enough, will yield the cream of good content. At the end of his remarkable speech, if there should be any hard up members of the audience present who feel the sharp tooth of poverty, Mr. A. will willingly draw the monster gratis, and borrow from the relieved party, in sign of sincerity. If there should be any fair member of the audience who is imbued with a very free'nly spirit towards the entertainer, he will receive from her a cheque for any reasonable amount. He will also return her affection, but he will keep the cheque solely as a relic of gratitude. o charge for leaving the room, but any one found taking the room with him wili be charged before a constable. Mr. A. has telegraphed to the Secretary of the Moon Company (unlimited), for a full supply of light on Friday, Jan. 12, 1877. If this should meet the eye of any former resident of Victoria, he or she will, on the above evening, receive a full account of the adventures of John Philip Armstrong, in connection with life on the goldiields and experiences of Australian society, interspersed with lively biographical details too numerous to mention. '