A "FREE" TRIP, AND WHAT IT COST.

Oamaru Mail, Volume I, Issue 170, 6 November 1876, Page 2

A "FREE" TRIP, AND WHAT IT COST.

Bv IIAGGUFFIN'.

Did Igo by the free train 1 Yes, certainly, I did, and although the programme was a little varied, and the time-table not strictly adhered to, I would not have missed the treat for a trifle. It is true the day's outing was not all " beer and skittles ; but, then, it was something like being shipwrecked—the miseries encountered were worth enduring for the pleasure of retailing them afterwards, and the returned excursionists were as great objects of admiration and hero worship on their arrival at the station as the Gallant Six Hundred back from the "jaws of Hell." Well, we—that is, the second contingent—left the station punctually at eleven, some five hundred happy, joyous souls, followed by the longing, envious looks of those unfortunates left behind. As each one settled him or herself to a proper position, and began to take bearings of their immediate vicinity, and who were their neighbours, exclamations might have been heard of " Hallo ! that you 1 When are you coming back?" "Oh, I'll come by the five," says one." "I won't," exclaims another; "Now that I'm come, I'll see the whole of the fun, and get back at- seven." But L'homme propose, et Dieu dlyiOce, and little those who joined in the jubilant shout as the party steamed passed the Star and Garter imagined their tune would be so changed on their return. Those who have seen Offenbach's comic opera of " The. Grand Duchess," and can photograph in their mind's eye the dilapidated appearance of General Fritz after iiis defeat by the enemy, can form some idea of the returned excursionists. All went " mewy as a marriage bell " on the downward trip, and nought occurred to ruffle the prevailing serenity, or to give the slightest index of the thrilling incidents to be encountered before the sun, which looked as bright as the liappy faces upon which he shone, should have £er; formed his allotted task. Maheno was reached in twenty-eighfc minutes, and as a merciful man is merciful to his beast, I presume the lord of the iron horse is noted for his clemency, for a sufficient stay was made to give the engines a drink. Five minutes later, with a p'llf and a snort, we were oil" again, the long train of ten double carriages each holding some twenty ladies and three times twenty children, while the platforms swarmed with the sterner sex—rolling as smoothly as if its progress were over a mammoth billiard table, and in fifteen minutes Herbert wa3 reached. A short distance further on the tunnel is met with, after

passing through which there comes an incline of, I believe, one in forty-five, with a series of sharp nasty curves. Going clown the incline, as might be imagined was a matter of little difficulty; but the oscillation and rise and fall of the carriages as they appeared to forge ahead was anything'out an agreeable sensation. Indeed, so badly was this felt at this particular portion of the road, both on the outward and homeward trip that not a few ladies experienced qualms similar to mal de mer. As the heavily-laden train approached the Kaka Bridge, the supposed bug-bear of the line, tiie information was whispered from one to another with bated breath, and a sigh, of relief given when the last carriage rolled along on terra firma. At the very lowest calculation, the dead weight behind the engines could not have been less than ninety tons, and the fact. that the structure was as firm as a roclc under that severe test, is proof positive that it is one of the most, if not the most secure bridge on the line. And now Hampden lies stretched out before us, with its pretty cottages dropped down in the most picturesque confusion, and as the train nears the newly-erected station, the word goes from mouth to mouth : " There's Fred " I see Fred " Hallo, Fred, my boy!" To the stranger, perhaps, those utterances might be a sealed book, but there ware few amongst those who have come from Oamaru who don't know that the object of all the remarks is Fred Humphries. Although but a half a year in the district, I am game to wager that Fred is better known, and has more friends, than any three of the most popular residents. We overheard one gentleman express his wonder how Fred could bury himself alive among the mountains ; but he was quickly enlightened by a score of informants that where Fred was there would be no such word known as " burying," and instead of a sepulture taking place, there would be a glorious " waking up " at Hampden. But here we are at the station, and although its master nobly strives to do his duty, he is soon the centre of a cluster of congratulating friends, from whom, however, he is forced to rudely tear himself away by laws as inexorable a3 those of the Medes and Persians. But the shrill whistle warns that the journey is not yet at an end, and once more the iron horse forges ahead, until Moeraki Junction becomes visible. As the train slackens pace, crowds of Maoris, male and female, shout with jubilant, but discordant, yells, while not a few of the fairer portion trip the light fantastic,

with scanty drapery and a reckless display of ankles. The present terminus of the - line is situated in an open country, about two miles frofia Port Moeraki, to reach' which place, a branch line is being constructed. : As a great portion, however, is a viaduct, and a particular wood is required for the piles, which at present there is some difficulty in obtaining, it is to be feared some considerable time will elapse before the trains will run on to the jetty. Port Moeraki is one of the prettiest places I have seen—the splendid sandy beach forming an agreeable contrast to that of Oamaru—but I very much question if it ever will be a place of business ; the formation of the country entirely forbidding the supposition. At the Port I found numbers of the first contingent which had left town at 9.30, the hills all about being dotted with little pic-nic parties, while a constant stream of Ganymedes kept passing to and from the solitary hotel with empty and full jugs of nut-brown ale. In the goods shed there were assembled a goodly number of the votaries of Terpsichore, who were gliding through the quadrilles to the music of a phthisical fiddle, fingered by a fully-accoutred volunteer, mounted upon the orthodox barrel. It will be observed that up to this particular period of the day there was no shadow cast upon the flood of sunshine which crossed our paths; but, alas ! a change comes over the spirit of the dream ! The first return was notified to make its start homeward at a quarter past three, and your humble servant having done more of the peripatetic than he relished, hurried back to the—as he thought—unoccupied train to find it crowded with women and children, he with difficulty securing one foot on the platform. That was an hour in advance of the starting time ; but, however, small as the vantage-ground was, it.was too precious to be relinquished. Once more we are adrift, heading for Oamaru. Hampden is reached and passed, the new bridge over the Otepopo River is crossed, and now we are gone two miles beyond, when the pace becomes considerably slackened, the two engines puff and snort, and make spasmodic plunges which seem to carry the train a few feet at each plunge, and then a brace for another bound. By this time the cattle were nearly pumped, and, from a dead march, they soOn come to a complete halt. As luck would have it, however, what was supposed to be a misfortune proved the reverse, for, on stopping, it was discovered that smoke was issuing from the grease-box, caused by the friction of the axle, and had the train not been pulled up, and the matter attended to, serious consequences might have ensued. As we have the General Manager of Railways, Mr. Conyers; Mr. Amos, Foreman of Works ; and Mr. Dunbar, tne Contractors' representative on board, a Council of War is held, and it is determined to despatch one of the engines to Moeraki for an engine left behind to bring tue last train into town. Now, I do not know to whom must the credit be given for the tactics pursued, but they exhibit an amount of good generalship which is certainly deserving of praise. It is this : Instead of leaving the train where it stuck on the incline, it was run back some two miles, and drawn up in front of the Bridge Hotel. " It's an ill wind that blows nobody good," and Mr. George, the proprietor of tne Bridge Hotel, I have, no doubt, invoked a silent blessing upon the contractor when he had finished counting the tillfui of silver wiiicu. the excursionists left behind. No sooner had the train stopped than a perfect stampede was made for the haven of refreshment, and notwithstanding a pretty stiff wirefence stood in the way,-that obstacle proved no barrier to many of the gentler sex, who sought the whereas to refresh the inner woman. The landlord was absent when the train stopped at his door, but, on his return, the moment his Bonifacic eye took in the situation from a distance, he clapped Ins spurs to his horse, imitating the circus riders on his journey, so that when he arrived at his door, he had already divested himself of his coat, and, sending the beast adrift to look after itself, he rushed to the rescue of the almost distracted lady. Some epical passengers were wicked enough to hint that there had been a case of collusion, and that the " Powers that be " had been tipped by the lucky innkeeper; but I am inclined to think the charge has no foundation. One lady, well known in Oamaru, raised a good laugh at the expense of the simple landlord. Going into the hotel, she asked to have a bottle of ginger beer " from the top shelf " given to her. It may, perhaps, be necessary, so that the public may see the point and pith of the story, to state that, in the little store contiguous to the residence of the fair one, and blessed with her especial patronage, " the top shelf " is solely devoted to "John Hennessy." Now, the owner of the Bridge Hotel was not aware of this fact, and, in his simplicity, he handed the lady a genuine bottle, of ginger beer. To his astonishment, however, she replied, " Is that from the top shelf, you booby? It's brandy I wantand having secured her prize, she started across the road flourishing the bottle with a yell of triumph, and forcing her portly person through the wire fence, regardless of an ample display of stocking. By this time the third engine had arrived on the scene, and with a cry of " All aboard," once more to the breach. For two miles the pace was good, but again symptoms of distress became apparent, and once more the sponge was thrown up, and a " stationary motion" was the result. Another Council of War, and another half-hour's delay, and then a retrograde motion was determined on. About this time it struck me. thai; we were somewhat like the eminent general who discovered, the celebrated manoeuvre of marching his men up the hill and tlien iharching them., down again. Reverse engines was the* - order of the day, and as if to, condone for our sloth in we descended the

"incline at a "rattling pace. ; As we rounded -the last curve iand came in view of s our old quarters; friend Boniface Was seen at hisSdoor; gleefully rubbing his hancUat the;; cheering prospect of; another silver harvest. But alas !we shot by, merely giving him-a cheer, and;-never slackened speed until a siding not far from Hawp. den was reached. Here the Council of War wasrgsumed, ending in the shunting of the engine Bothwell. All the muscle of the male excursionists was then brought into requisition, and the laden train was pushed along at a pace which should hate put the three iron horses to the blush, One speculative individual made an off® to the General Manager to engage all tie male passengers, pay them two shilling, an hour, and by that means get the train pushed into Oamaru in no time. However the offer was' not accepted, the disabled Bothwell and its stoker were marooned,and once more a start was made town, ward. This time the two engines suoceeded where the three had failed, and the fatal spot was cleared ; but a Cassandn beside me said she was positive we should stick in the tunnel, and never prophecy more fully borne out. Four of the carriages had entered into Cimmerian darkness, when locomotion ceased, aid once more we came to a standstill. Council of War the fourth took place, and another retreat followed. Then was done what might have been done in the fiut instance. Five carriages were detatchedand left behind, and with the remainder in tow the engines started off through the tunnel, and Herbert and a haven of . safety was again reached. Of course the' same tactics were employed with the remaining portion of the carriages ; but when the; were conjoined and everything ready fori start the engineer said the exertion had been severe on his team, and they should have to wet their whistles. Mr. Dunbat came to the rescue, and • with, his own hands drew from an adjacent well- the invigorating fluid. Next it was discovered that the fuel had succumbed, and an on-; slaught was made upon Mr. Dawson'scoal cellar, the ' * Special Correspondent" oi the Ckiardian skilfully steering One of the porters who carried a bag. Having finished operations at the well, Mr. Dimbar assumed command of the coalforagen, and ordering a detachment to wheel a dilapidated railway-dobbin to the stationmaster's door, the vehicle was quicldj filled with bags borne out by the afore/ said " Special" and a few others of tjf bon ton. While those operations W ( being carried on som3 sacri'ejious scAdrels kept singing out, " Gee-wo, Dobbin," while a gentleman of the Yankee persuasion gave his expedience of getting up steam on the Alabama by the-throw-ing in a greasy nigger or two, and flai* out the atrocious suggestion thattie journey could be easily made by the sacrifice of Brogden's representative. One lady in my vicinity innocently asked me if it would always be as it was oh Sate day. I assured her it would not, as ii was a trial trip on that day, when she heaved a sigh and replied, " She could easily believe that, as it was a sore trial

to her, and to every one else." .-But ona more we are afloat, and save. rr'Jii a shoii delay at Maheno for liquid refreshmeii for the engine, nothing out of the'ordinary occurred until we arrived at $8 Station, where Mrs. Magguffin—formiig one of about 200. weeping widows in prpr spective—clasping me to her wifely breasi swore a solemn vow never again to alio? me to brave the terrors of a " Free Trip. 1