RANDOM NOTES.

Oamaru Mail, Volume I, Issue 97, 12 August 1876, Page 2

RANDOM NOTES.

Br SLA.GGUFFIN. • ■ ♦ r- . " A chief* ainang ye tnkin' notes, An' faith he'il prent 'em." —Burns. A PEEP BEHIND THE SCENES. I have often remarked that New Zealand is fortunately free from those peri, patetic blindmen -which one meets at every street corner in the Australian cities, and whose mute pleadings for alms sadden the hearts of the passers-by. I am wholly unable to account for this immunity, for it cannot certainly be through a lack of liberality towards the afflicted, for there are no people who so readily respond to the call of distress as the Britons of the South. But if New Zealand be exempt, the city 6f Melbourne may certainly laj r claim to be considered the headquarters of the class. Those -who hare visited the Victorian metropolis, and attended the Sabbath services in St. Francis' Church, would have full opportunity of beholding at least a dozen different grades and specimens of the class. At distances of about five yards apart along the railings which front the edifice, a stand is taken up, and were you to bestow but a penny upon each applicant you would require a good handful of coppers before the last one should be supplied. I remember on one occasion standing outside, sunk in deep meditation, when I was interrupted in my reverie by ihe following dialogue ; but before proceeding to retail the conversation it is necessary I should introduce the dramatis pcrsonvi. At one side of the gate there stood a tall specimen of humanity, with unkempt hair, beard unshaven, a face which had been innocent of soap and water for at least a week, while the clothes of the wearer were deeply encrusted with mud. His head was surmounted by the shattered remains of a black silk "boxer" or " bell-topper," being remarkable for the irregularity of its outline, and bearing other sundry tokens which plainly declared that it had been a suffering companion of its master in his midnight revelry. In the hand of the owner there was held another boxer — but different in color —as a receptacle for the stray coppers of the charitable. A lively conversation had been going on, which ever and anon would come to a sudden termination, and a piteous whine be substituted, as the acnte ear of the speaker caught the sound of approaching steps. So much for No. 1. On the other side of the entrance there stood a veiy different object. The pink of cleanliness, boots nicely polished, comfortable overcoat, with a warm muffler encircling his throat, and, as in consonance with his respectability, his pleadings were of a mute nature, for although the outstretched hand left no doubt as to what was expected, the appeal was a passive rather than an active one. As the service had

commenced, and the stream of worshippers passing in became less frequent, No. 1 turned his sightless orbs in the direction of where his companion in affliction was standing, and after feeling his shoulders, his elbow, and both knees, thus broke the silence, " Well, Tim, I'm as sick as a dog, and sore from the arown of my head to the sole of my foot this morning." '•' How's that ?" was the curt reply of Tim. " Well, you see, I got tight last night, and I went into the Ci'own Hotel, but the brute of a barman flung me out on my back in the channel," and another sympathetic feel took place all over the injured portions of his body. " Ah !'" said Tim, " you must be a fool to so expose yourself. Such conduct is the ruin of any one in our profession. It looks so bad to be seen in public houses. Now, I make it a point never to do so myself. When I knock off work I always go straight home, and then, if I feel so inclined, T produce my decanter of whiskey or brandy, and have my tumbler of punch ; but T never drink in public-houses." This bit of information had no other effect than eliciting a " Well, well; see that now," and as if the comparison instituted was not a source of pleasure, the conversation was quickly changed, and took a pecuniary turn. I may state that the Melbourne Races had come ofl' during the preceding week, and the dialogue was renewed by No. ] asking if Tim had been at the races. Tim replied that he had, and was further interrogated as to whether he had done much '' business." The reply was tli.it he could not complain, though he had often done better ; "but," says Tim, "I paid ten shillings for a ticket to the lawn, hill and saddling paddock, and after paying all expenses, including refreshments, I just made £2 10s. each day, or £7 10s. for the three days." " See that now," responded Iris companion. "Well, av coo'. - se, I coidd not go to the lawn—no doabt referring to his shocking bad hat, and ditto habilaments —and had to confine myself to the Mat. I don't know exactly what I made, as I spent it pretty well as I got it, but I know that all I could rake up last night was ten bob, and of that I hadn't ten pence this morning." The conversation then took a general turn, and it would appear that not a single town in the Colony but had been favored with a visit, and I learned with surprise that Castlemaine—the Victorian " Sleepy Hollow" —bore off the palm as the best place for " businrss " that a blind man could patronise.- Just about this time I suddenly became conscious that I was not acting a stric J ly , honorable part in thus learning the . " mysteries of the business " of the worthy I couple, and I quitted the scene, impressed J with the conviction that although the loss of sight was a deep affliction, in the hands of a good "businessman" it was not at i all a bad stock-in-trade. '

No doubt everyone has heard of Sydney Smith's stinging sarcasm on those hailing from north of the Tweed, when he said that it required a surgical operation to get a joke into a Scotchman's head, i and nothing less than a corkscrew to extract one. The following, which I lately come across, will serve to show that jokes are not the only matters in which they exhibit a dull appreciation. On one occasion the celebrated Mrs. Siddons, the Queen of Tragedy, paid a professional visit to Edinboro' Toon. The grave attention of Sandy, and his canny reservation of praise till he was sure it was deserved, had well nigh worn out her patience. She had been used to speak to animated clay, but she felt that her best efforts were being made to adamant. Successive flashes of her elocution, that had never failed to electrify her Southern audiencesj fell in vain on the Northern flints, her fiery outbursts being received with a stolidity which was perfectly maddening, causing her to chafe and fume in the impotency of her rage. At last, when she had worked up her powers to the most emphatic possible utterance of one passage, determined to take the citadel by storm, and having previously vowed that, should her masterpiece fail in its effects, never to ei'oss the Borders again, or essay another attempt to touch the Scottish soul. The time had arrived, the effort had been made, and in such a manner as almost to electrify herself. She felt that on that occasion she had soared to a height never before reached, and she waited for the outburst of applause which she fully expected to have greeted the conclusion. The applause, however, did not come, and the distressing silence which had reigned was at last broken by a single voice exclaiming: "Well, come noAV ; that's not so bad."