RANDOM NOTES.

Oamaru Mail, Volume I, Issue 36, 2 June 1876, Page 2

RANDOM NOTES.

" A cliiel's amang- ye takin' notes, An' faith he'il prenfc 'em."

It is generally supposed that in matters of business the Celt is no match for tlie Gael, and that when the bawbees are in question Pat can but seldom get to windward of Sandy. The following transaction, however —for the truth of which I can vouch —exhibits a keenness in trading for which I had not given my countrymen credit, and induces me to slightly modify my exalted notions of Scotty's shrewdness. A youthful sprig of that profession, the members of which are sometimes sacrilegiously dubbed "paper-men," was the possessor of a nag which he determined to turn out to grass, and consequently made arrangements with the owner of r. paddock who hailed from the Land o' Cakes to quarter the beast for the weekly consideration of Iwo shillings. The animal remained at grass for some months unthought of, or unpaid for, by the master, and the bill for pasture had readied a pretty respectable figure, when, paying a visit to the paddock one fine Sunday, to his disgust he found the beast had "shuffled off this mortal coil," evidently the day before. Next day, while melancholily devisirg a committee of way s and v\ca n s for its support. while living, a?id its semilture ?vw dead, who should step into the office but Sawney himself. My Celtic friend naturally supposed he would be informed of the " sorrowful event;" but no, w itli a courtesy f< >r which his c> mntryinen. are conspicuous, particularly when, engaged in such pleasing occupations, Sandy presented the bill. Pat was in a quandary! Was Sawney aware of the <lemi.se of the " dear departed.'"' or did he imagine the beast was still revelling in. the grazing instead <>f the equine "hunting groin-ds i" A bright thought flashed upon him, ami thoinrh his soul was idled wit]i a hidden, joy, no trace was visible upon, his placid yet sympathising countenance, as he informed the presenter of the account it would be impossible to settle before the end of the quarter. Seeing, however, that the information conveyed had any thing but a pleasing effect, lie added that as he had determined upon giving up sports in order to read up for matriculation, lie would dispose of the beast cheap. As might be expected, the value of the animal was depreciated to almost next to nothing, and a disinclination to become a purchaser at any price strong asserted. On being told, however, tliat it would be put into an auction sale for what it would fetch, and the account then liquidated, the bait was eagerly snapped at, a~nd Sandy speedily signed a receipt in full, gave four pounds into the bargain., a)id wei.it away chuckling at the stroke he had done. Next day he might have been seen heading for the office with the speed of a man. wlu.- had lately left his mother-in-law ; his mamer on entering though far more excited, was not nearly so courteous as before, and his invocation of the wli.Je Saintly Calendar was sadly mixed with devils and dead quadrupeds. " Why, dash it, men," said he " Maister Qui]', the nag's di>ad." "Dead!" said young Quill, iu affected surprise ; "dead! why av coorse he is ; didn't you know that?" "Know it bedashed," said Pthe irate vendee, "did you ?" "Of coorse I did," returned Pat; "sure that's why I sould him." "Then, there's nao bargain," said the infuriated Scot. " an' I'll just tak' my four pounds hack agin, Maister Quill." I'm afraid not," said the youth; for, as I'm very honest, it immediately went to square another debt. But I sympathise wid ye, sur ; upon me sowl, I do." The rejoinder was more profane than polite, and Sandy left the office vowing to invoke eveiy legal tribunal for satisfaction. It may be interesting to know that young Quill has not ojdy since matriculated with honor, but is now a promising member of " The Devil's Brigade." " There are more ways of killing a cat than choking it with butter," is not only an old saying, but an admitted tri'ism ; and, as in the case of the feline difficulty, in mundane matters there is seldom an. end eagerly sought, but a means is found to effect it. My friend Macgin.nis had been for many years what is styled in the classics a bo it vivant, but i?i vulgar parlance is termed addicted to '* Cocking his little finger." The "T.T.'s," however, got h H of him in an hour of weakness, and in an unguarded mr mer.t he riot only gave his word of I\. ,71, ,iu- to refrain, from the "firing b<de " f >r twelve months, but attached a rather dilapidated sign-manual t--> a dccumen.t to that effect. To his everlasting honour, however, be it said that

when confronted with the 'loath-warrant to nil future social gatherings at the " Cow and Fiddle," he met his fate like a man, s> oner thai', tarnish an ancient name with dishonour. For three l. -r.g weeks did the struggle last, and already the once Bardolphian visage had begun to wear the sober and staid aspect befitting his altered state, when c?ie day I met my old friend radiant as of yore ; happiness sat upon his shinin.g countenance. and the merry twinkle of a half-closed optic conveyed a world of meaning. Unable to account for so remarkable a change, and knowing hirv to be a man of honour, I eagerly sought an exj.lanation, when I was informed that he had " borrowed a day." Imagining that he had given himself a holiday, I asked what was the happy occasion of the treat, when, in utterance thick, but whispers low, he returned, "Fact is, old boy, the strain. -,vas too much, too much altogether ; so I've borrowed a day ; but I'll pay it up at the end of the year." I have no doubt that when Mac. opened the account he

honourably intended to mate good the days appropriated ; but finding his borrowing powers unlimited, like a good many others when so placed, lie " outrun the constable." It is now some months since the conversation retailed above took place, and as Mac. 's jovial countenance has lost none of its rotundity, I am afraid the juvenile digit is still being elevated, and the borrowing powers still utilised. " There is nothing so successful as success." Some person or other has uttered the above must truthful saying. Now, although I bear witness to its accuracy, unfortunately the truth has never been sheeted homo to me in an agreeable manner, and, consequently, I do not speak fr-vm practical experience. No such, thing ; I wish I could ; but, nevertheless, I see it exemplified in so many cases that the admissio?i has caused me bat little trouble. If there be any who are sceptical on the point, a gLui.co at Avhat may be termed a thoroughly Colonial institution ought quickly convince them. I refer to the presentati; .11 of testimonials. Tomkins has made a pile, and determines to sell out, cut business, and go home to do the grand tour. No sooner lias his intention become known, than a public banquet is given to his honor, at which he is presented with a purse of sovereigns in token of the esteem his fellow-townsmen pay to his success, enough praises are sung to have satisfied even a Diogenes in his search, and put a stop to his peregrinations. Simpkuis, on the other hand, after a long and brave fight, finds he has to put up his shutters and seek ! ' fresh fields and pastures new." Are there anj 7 postprandial speeches eulogistically extolling his many struggles, or sympathetic wishes for his future "welfare I .Rather not. But it is human nature, and a confirmation of the adag.', " Great help waits on little need." Did you over meet. an old acquaintance whom y-.u had iv-t seen for years. Eo tell., you, ocrhapr., that he has been disg'ji.g, un«'i Fortune has smiled upon his labours, and relieved him of the necessity of further to'l. Though that man be dressed in nnloskin.. whila you are in broadcloth ; though .his hands are huge and his hair unkerqt, you immediately entertain a profound resect for him. Are you ashamed of las company, or do you blush at his ignorance of Lindley Murray ? No; far from it. Although, if any one were to hint at the idoa <-f your being bettered or.s single sixpence by Jus' affluence, you would be insulted ; vet involuntary you ignore his vulgarity 011 account of his success. Should the name be mentioned in your presence, and comments made upon his luck, you never miss the opportunity of telling how intimate yon are with him, and how much he ihinks of you. Now take the other side. There is your old college chum, and after shipmate, whom yon saw yesterday, wet av.d miserable, slink aloi.g the street/ You saw the passers-by cast looks -..-i pity fit his faded gentility. JLx.l ar-.y one asked you wliv he was, would you have been so ready t'. blazon forth y, ,ar r itimacy '= Hut such is life, and such is human nature. So I shall er.dasl commenced, ly saying, "There is nothing so successful as success.' - Magguffin.