The CRITIC

NZ Truth, Issue 1246, 17 October 1929, Page 6

The CRITIC

CCOTCH asparagus. Without tip 3. *■ # * A BULL chased a postman for ten ** miles. Speeding up H.M. mails. ** • * W/RESTLERS should be handy with " the dice. Look at the practice they get m the gentle art of throwing! * * ■■' • A HEN laid 71 eggs m 71 days. It *** believes that an egg a day keeps the chopper away. * # # DLANS have been completed for 300 * new houses. Burglaring circles are expressing satisfaction. * # # A TOURIST asks where our winding *"* country roa.ds lead to. Most of them lead to breach of promise actions. THE life of a hair is said to be six *■ years. A strange one on the husband's coat lasts a life-time. ». # • A NOVELIST says if he .writes at night he cannot sleep. He should read over what he has written. * * * A SPEAKER says the law courts are the greatest citadels of the English language. But some of the culprits think the sentences are too long. * * # THE best waj' to prevent teeth from ■*■ chattering when bathing is to leave them m the dressing shed. ■* # • WHEN does a girl become a flapper? About the age of 15 and again at 35. *. * * A BUSINESS man says his hobby is to gather wild ' flowers. Even m his spare time he must pluck something. * # * . . THE deaf are benefiting more and more through science. Think of their advantages now the talkies are here. * # « TF you want to get anywhere you have ■*■ to put your shoulder to the wheel, says a writer! Especially if the car breaks down miles from town. ** . * THE game of life is not finished until * the last wicket is down. Some people continue a successful innings after their stumps are drawn. A BRIDE drove from a registry office with the bridegroom on the pillion. Women refuse to take a back seat nowadays. * © * A METEOROLOGICAL expert says it is difficult to forecast wet weather m the summer. In Auckland, however, it is certain to rain after the watering carts have been out.

A KiiUrt IBi i I^IN lecturer scates tuatj " bar-maids see men at their worst. And yet some men think they show to best advantage when quaffing a pint! * * ■ # THE most solemn part of thc mar- •*■ „riage ceremony i.s where sentence of debt is passed on the bridegroom. * * ■ * PIRATES used to make their victims walk the plank. Now the pirates walk the block. * * # THE man who said that "A thing of A beauty is a joy for ever" was a bachelor. . . *■.*':■ * CO many New Zealand cricketers were given out l.b.w. last season that the old game seems, to be going from pad to worse. * * '* PRESIDENT HOOVER professes to * believe m "goodwill cruises." But they mustn't be made on rum ships. * * ■ * pOURT proceedings recently disclosed that a wife had not spoken to her husband for two years. Some men have all the luck. TWO persons m every ten talk to *■ themselves. But ventriloquists. are the only ones who seem to make money. .a. M. m

THERE'S many a slip between the ■*• snick and the boundary- * * «= WHEN the wife gets the needle hiibby loses the thread of the argument. * * * TN industry, " motor traction. In ro- ■*■ mance, motor attraction. * .#'•'#■ AN eminent London medico says; "Hard work does kill." This accounts for the 1 longevity of politicians as a class. *#■ » . DAILY: "Vacuum Heads." Samples to be found m any Parliament. ' * *. * . . WITH the advent of talking pictures possibly it may be arranged for the man to have the last word. * * * . SMALL shoes cause a lot of pain when placed on the feet. Especially m a tramcar. * # # A TOAST: "The Flapper. With all her false we love her still." * * fc AN ACTOR says he never has more than lean meat for dinner. Thought actors liked fat parts. * # # THE surf girl generally .puts every A thing off for the holidays. * * * ALL'S fair m love and war with ** . blondes. T, * * MANY a man who takes off his hat to iVi New Zealand industries wears an imported hat. **' # . A CLERIC suggests dancing m churches. People who usually sleep through the sermons are quite alarmed at the idea. « #. » A HOME MISSION organiser wants £100,000. Blessed are the modest.

A WOMAN is never satisfied till she finds out what her husband is doing. And then she isn't satisfied. * ■ ■ " * *" •' FINANCIAL item: "Motor trade Tim-' i proving." Jaywalkers beware! j '• •'■ ■ • A WRITER asks what we owe to elec- ! tricity. The shock we get when |we see the lighting bill.