OH-LIMP-HIC!

NZ Truth, Issue 1200, 29 November 1928, Page 7

OH-LIMP-HIC!

Athletes Who Broke Rules, i ■ Records, Crockery, And The Manager's Heart, During The Tour of The 1940 New Zealand ' Olympic Team

The charges and counter charges, hints and innuendoes, whispers and straight-out statements that have surrounded the return of the Australian and New Zealand Olympic teams almost made "N.Z. Truth" despair of finding anything that could be seized upon as having justified the public money that was lavished on the sending of the athletes away from their native shores. Now, at last, a nugget of the purest gold has been snatched from the appalling heap of dross, and the metaphoric treasure chest m the sporting strongroom of New Zealand will immensely be augmented by its inclusion.

THE article m question is a report by I Manager Harry Amos to the N.Z. Olympic Council covering recommendations for future International meetings. The Council is urged to get an undertaking from all future teams to observe the following rules: — "No member of the team to contribute newspaper articles, etc., without permission of the manager, or to give interviews to papers without the manager being present. "The members of the team, when on board, and at hotels or private houses, to cause tho stewards, servants and maids as little inconvenience as possible. They should do what the manager requires re taking care of baggage, keeping rooms tidy, etc., so that gratuities can be kept down to minimum. ' ■ .. "The team to attend such functions Churcn t=e vices, etc., as requested by die manager. "The members of the team to conduct themselves as gentlemen, not to be loud-voiced, etc., to be polite, to remove their hats on proper occasions, to comport themselves decently at meals (not to throw fruit, cutlery, rolls, etc., about), and to take the suggestions of the manager with regard to manners and conduct m the proper spirit. "That, the team's uniform be worn throughout the (rip, ;md that it should consist of two blazers; two pairs white bags; two pnirs grey bags; one navy blue suit; one straw hat with band supplied; two pairs white shoes; one

jMiiiiiiimiiiiiimiifwwiiiMiiiiiiiwiwiiiiimifiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiimmimuiiii pair slippers: one pair brown boots or shoes." So impressed was "N. 3. Truth's" sporting writer with the far-reacnins effects that must take place through the- adoption of these momentous clauses tmit ho was constrained to hold a conference With, the Spiritualistic Editor. The latter also realized the possibilities Amos' recommendations opened up. • He adjourned to his inner room and proceeded to digest the matter m "the proper spirit" .(with a chaser of water). The result was that after a lengthy session with the spooks m which he lapsed into a state of coma, which to those who are not properly acquainted with such matters might have been mistaken for sleep, he suddenly awoke, and, seizing the office planchette board, proceeded to write feveHshlj r . As a result "N.Z. Truth" is able to publish a remarkable account of the tour of the 1940 team to the' Olympic Games. Though some people Avill doubt the authenticity of the messages, the medium claims that they are interceptions of messages sent through the ether by the Special Correspondent of "The Dominion.'' In' view or this, "N.Z. Truth" is unable absolutely to vouch for their ac-

curacy, but has referred the matter for investigation to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, THIBETAN OLYMPIAD Wellington, March 20th, 1940. At a special meeting of the Olympic Council nekl to-day, Mr. de Plomat was appointed manager of the N.Z. team to compete m the Olympic games to be held m Thibet this year. The Council also instructed the secretary to advise affiliated bodies that the rules governing conduct of Olympic teams will be strictly enforced. See Handbook. Section two. Sub-section three, Part four, clause O dealing with tooth-picks and clox sox. EXCITEMENT IN AUCKLAND. OLYMPIC TEAM SAILS. AUCKLAND, APRIL. Ist, 1940. The City was en fate to-day, the occasion being the departure of the N.Z. team for the Olympic Games. The Prime Minister. The Right Hun. W. D. Lysnar, telegraphed to the Manager as follows: "N.Z. is with you to-day, tomoirow and any time between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m." In a speech at the Town Hall, the manager, Mr. de Plomat, said: "The people of the Dominion may rest assured that the honor of tine country is m safe keeping and the same happy spirit thai is m evidence of every, city, town, hamiet and hotel m the country will not be lacking m the performances and conduct of the team. "Whether we win or lose you may be satisfied that every man knows his fish fork (Cheers).

iiiiiiiiniiiniiiiiiii aiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiMiii Every woman has passed the asparagus and spaghetti eating test as laid down by Mussolini (more cheers), and no member of -the team will disgrace the nation by using an enamel tooth-pick." (Tumultuous applause). DISQUIETING RUMORS. Trouble In Olympic Team? (By Wireless R.M.S. TITOKI, at sea). APRIL sth, 1940. It is rumored on board that all is not well m the ranks of the Olympic team. The first hint of trouble occurred when Miss Back Stroke, a prominent member of the team was caught throwing a distinct glad eye at the second officer at lunch to-day. The manager insists that this is a breach of the "throwing at table" rule, under the etcetera section, and threatens to send Miss Back stroke home from the first port of call. The trouble was intensified when a. section of the team point blank refused to attend a church service held m the saloon .by the Rev. Bathtub Singh, the prominent Hindoo faithhealer. The manager refused to make a statement to . "The Dominion" representative, but hinted that he was contemplating stern measures. LATER. *• In connection with the trouble m the