BEER AND BOW-WOWS

NZ Truth, Issue 1103, 20 January 1927, Page 5

BEER AND BOW-WOWS

Doggy Doings of Gisborne s Dog-Tax Collector

MELHUISH MET HIS MA TCH

(From "N.Z. Truth's" Gisborne Representative.) Albert Melhuish Beer is quite well-known m Gisborne and elsewhere. He's better known now than he was a week or two ago,' and his 'latest venture into the limelight did not result m his being illumined with a halo of glory.

ELBERT MELHUISH BEER! is vested with a small degree of power, but he sought ,to invest himself with a far greater authority, and it £3 fortunate that / he was exposed before there had been any serious misuse of the courts of justice. Without any authority whatsoever Albert Btarted taking people to court for the purpose of having them fined, and also — incidentally, perhaps — to recompense himself for "a lot of trouble" by having them ordered to pay^ Mb "expenses." V Albert Melhuish Beer— lhe full name has a nice flavor about it— holds the distinguished position of dog-collector for the borough of Gisborne. ' i His job is to" see that all Gisborne's bow-wows are. dressed up m collars. V' , He took unto himself Tthe additional duties of prosecuting people who didn't have their puppies so dressed, and it's quite possible that he .might have done a good business m this line If — on one of his first prosecuting ventures—he had not'struck a snag. The first case was bluffed through all right, and the owner of one canine was mulcted m the sum of 27/6 — temporarily. FLY IN THE OINTMENT As soon as the- conviction had been entered Albert put m a claim for his comm. ' "I have had a lot of trouble m , this case,", he told/Magistrate Levvey, "and I want expenses." . j Now if Albert had been properly educated m the important matter of etiquette he would have said: "Please may I have?" and not "I want." Anyhow he's still wanting. ,It may be that Albert's manner assisted Magistrate Levvey's prompt reply that inhere was nuthin' doin\ for he tersely remarked: "I do .not allow expenses." That was the end of that case— for the time being. . Then Albert Melhuish Beer, dog-tax collector for the' borough of Gisborne, was cited as complainant m an action against Herbert Musgrave Porter. Porter is returning officer for the borough of Gisborne, but that appears to be all he and Albert have m common. ' ' /'■

Porter Is no melon? nor Is hlr . counsel, Lawyer Jack Wauehop. This time Albert not only lost hla expenses, but also fairly got it wh«r« the chicken is popularly believed to have got the axe. "Porter's dog," Albert confided to th« bench, "has been falsely registered" 7 Falsely, he said, In answer to tho magistrate's inquiry, meant not ln a proper manner. In further elaboration of th. point he explained that the dog: was registered as a oattle dog, whereas m factl and m law it was not a oattle dog. 7 It ; was an Airedale. He, the dog -tax collector, Mid sor— on the authority of the dog* 7. tax collector. Then Lawyer Wauehop put the fly J* the . ointment — or the. dog m. th»~ manger. * r Beer told him he was authorised by ( the Borough Council to collect, dog) fees. T "'.-.-■ ■ 'T".'7T BENCH AND BEER Lawyer Wauehop: And to sue?— y Well, if there isn't authority from the council there is m the Act. But the ;do£-tax\c6llector's authority to say there was. authority didn't T satisfy, the authority of .the court. T Beer tried to push* the case on, He said he would relish the opportunity p_ having: Porter m, the box.' Lawyer Wauehop: Didn't the- 7 town clerk tell you to withdraw y . these proceedings?— Yes, but the ■ defendant has made a fool of me. He put me to a deuce of a lot of . trouble.. The bench at this stage butted In;T Beer was told he was wasting the time ; of the court, and the f case was dismissed. This time costs were allowed. ; But Albert doesn't get 'em. He's got to pay 'em! To add insult to Injury the magistrate reinstated the former case an 4; remitted the fine. . . Still, Albert butted his head against a brick wall." Another similar case 7 was called, and the bench asked Albert ' to withdraw until he received authority to sue. ".'-''. "No, ,1 won't. I won't withdraw," said Albert and the case was ad- .' iourned.