The CRITIC

NZ Truth, Issue 1001, 31 January 1925, Page 1

The CRITIC

Great Britain is furnishing ''a big loan to subsidise migration. May we , hope it will prove more satisfactory than many of the unsubsiding loans raised on furnishings. .

Some men think while they are. play ving golf. Others work at it.

* "Fracas m Napier," we read. That troublesome chap with the. foreign name seems to bob, up all over the place. Why isn't he given an indeterminate sentence?

Commonwealth Treasurer Earle Page' announces that fie, is not floating a loan m America. In these days of crowded seaside resorts there is 'not much chance of a man floating alone.

. Heavy -withdrawals at the. London "wool sales are announced. Our--sav-ings banks' had .a similar experience just before Christmas.

In the opinion of some British ex perts St. Paul's dome is doomed.

Some people say it' assists health' to lie oh the right side. But make sure the side you are lying on really is the right one.

J You are either mean or an optimist ,if you try to replace the toothpaste when you have squeezed out too much. * Some people are born to be dodgers. Some dodge work; some dodge the income tax; some dodge the speeding '* motor car. All who' succeed' have been 'born under a lucky star. Those who fail m the last-mentioned test "'are borne m a hearse. : : .:: J! Light fines oh motorists on modern 'highways indicate that the way of the transgressor ( is soft.^ ..•'.' * Had there been a book on child psychology m those days Gain might have learned not to treat Abel as he >did. ' :: :: :: What "Critic" calls real frankness *is the admission, of an American girl, Luella Gear (who has made a hit m musical comedy m London), that she phas "the worst voice m the world." No doubt, however," the admission will cause many who have heard other , musical comedy stars to pay to see. her to ascertain if such a thing is possible. So perhaps the frank admission had admission tickets m view. "Does bobbed hair save time?" iriquires a lady reader. "Critic" does Fnot profess to be an expert, but he I votes "No." He has known baldL headed men- -to take more time m than men with luxuriant I crops of hair. " . ■ wt "Full many a flower is born to blush I unseen." Not the only ; thing.; that does Hit m these days of excessive use of J face, powders. ... * „' '.,'.■ "-'.■;' I America, is wondering whether m ■ years to come under the process of I evolution, prohibition will ■'■-, produce ■ fool-proof stomachs. '"Critic" has r.o m doubts about the ultimate results. ■ Abolish the consumption of liquor and H something worse will take its place. I You can't always tell a self-made ■ roan at first sight. If you get to know ■ him you may rest assured that he will ■ toll it. H The doctor who advises: "You must Heat less, but don't give up your fay- ■ orite dishes," is well on the way to an ■ early retirement on his well-earned ■■wealth. ■ The German scientist who declared ■that men may yet live to be a thousand ■>e.'irs old evidently had forgotten ■about the increased use of motor cars. B There, is no. reason why the person ■who prefers to be called a "man" in■stead of a ."gentleman" shouldn't be ■ it looks as .though the nations are J ■petermined to "remain armed m order \ Bo maintain peace. "Critic" is a great ■fcellever m peace — and plenty. . : : H City streets provide more entertainHnent than country roads. Even the H»raffic is diverted m the former. H Some canvassing salesmen have only H)ne thing to support their claim to be W'live wires": their shocking manners. ■ .It must be the old Scottish blood Ban us that enables us to tolerate bagHpipes. But we must admit that den-* Kists do get on our nerves.

The cynic is usually very critical of all but himself.

Some people succeed by Merit; others by backing it. With some the "merit" that succeeds is kow-towing to the boss.

The competition m gardening is simply harrowing. -'

A disadvantage of making too much money is that it is such a hard task to devise' ways and means of avoiding being bored to death. "Critic" has decided not to try and make too much.

The ordinary wage-earner is much happier with his new suit than the wealthy man with half a dozen new suits and tho "trouble of picking out which one to wear •

The more of ten a .woman gets photographed the more correct your idea of how good-looking she thinks she is. There are some men like that, too.

When you realise that the man who has nil .the things you' 1 wish for is no happier-than you are, you have passed the main examination that entitles you to rank as a philosopher.

Although he has a wholesome regard •for the" law, that forbids tipping, "Critic" would like to advise you of one useful thing that will come off very soon: That loose button. ' You won't los© over this tip if you stick to.it. A prominent New Zealand prohibitionist says that he drinks nothing- but water. That takes some swallowing. There is no record- of Ananfas having played golf or of his having gone fishing. But his reputation is upheld by a lot of descendants. . ' •. "Swallow- tail" writes' complaining of the difficulty he has experienced at swell functions of distinguishing the waiters from the guests. Our correspondent is obviously inexperienced. The waiters look composed, comfortable and, comparatively, civilised. The cares and responsibilities of Government may usually be relied upon to sober up irresponsible • men— except m Russia. No doubt most people have a lot of good m them. But so. many keep it there. ... If that big merger of Scottish whisky firms eventuates will the, greatly increased strength of the concern be reflected m the strength of its products? Or will the united firm unite to keep prices firm? "We must hope for the best, just as we should be thankful that' the best is not prohibited as it is supposed to be m the : Land of the Free. , ' A daily paper tells us that as Mr. Asquith (reported to have been raised to the peerage)" lost his son m the war, "his heir will be Mr. Grandson." Some of us are old enough to haye grandsons (or granddaughters)' but many of them are only Master Grandsons. They may become Master Masons some day. "Critic" met at Trentham one of those alleged "cheerful losers." But his grin was mostly chagrin. "Critic" has always had a respectful admiration : for astronomers. He received a great shock when he- read m the cables this week that these star experts, although they had had years and years to work their calculations out, were actually, on an average, four seconds but m predicting ,the time of the recent eclipse of the sun m America! Another ideal shattered! But it was mean of the newspapers to put the astronomers away. , "The Soviet sincerely desires peaceful co-operation with Britain."— Latest cable news. ..No doubt it would prefer a very full piece of the same country for incorporation. In" an action m which a motorist pleaded guilty m a city-Court the other day to a charge of having been found drunk while m charge of a motor-car, defendant's counsel said,- his client had only two' glasses of beer that day— j one when going out to the races and one while coming back. "Critic 1 ' has had several inquiries as to the particular brand of hop-juice partaken of. He regrets that he., is unable to' provide the information, which is ho doubt required to assist , social .y^ofkers m reducing {the' cost -of 'living. - • • ' ,■