The CRITIC

NZ Truth, Issue 999, 17 January 1925, Page 1

The CRITIC

A week before the races the bar at Trentham was totally destroyed by fire— -Not teetotally, though; a temporary arrangement will be provided for : punters next week.

Strife m Russia, says a headline, Yes, strife is rife there.

Dr. Earle Page, the Commonwealth Minister of Finance, is visiting Canada with a view to establishing reciprocal trade relations. Page's appearance may presage a new chapter m commerce.

Many married men who lead a dog's life took out the wrong license when they went to the registry .office.

, : : . ; : : : Hundreds of race-punters refer jto a five shilling investment as a "dollar." Cables this week i dicate that for the first time for a long while five shillings will really ' represent a* dollar. We regret that this approach to the restoration of the gold standard will not mean any immediate increase m the winnings of the "dollar" punters. Nor any decrease m. their losses. What are you going to do about it?

Next rake-off is, at Trentham,

A daily paper tells us of a man and a woman who' were engaged, 1 married arid separated : — 'all on the same day. If this habit spreads it will be bad for the legal profession.

Another party of explorers is to make "a final dash" for the . North Pole by aeroplane aibout May next. Arid it may be theirs— "the final dash."

Soviet rule continues , to demonstrate ib futility. Authoritative sources report deplorable famine ' m South Russia. ''The Population of tw.q grain-producing districts" (we are informed by Soviet papers this week) "has been breadless since October, eat-, ing dogs, cats and even cattle droppings:" Admirers of the Soviet who rejoice m wordy messages? :of congratulation might do more good if they faced facts and united m a.humanitarian effort to try and lessen the misery caused by the gods they profess to worship.

The man who rarely snouts makes a big noise when he does.

Some people like to see actors and actresses m photographed moving pictures; others prefer entertainments (especially pantomimes) m which they sco the performers, m the .flesh.

Undoubtedly boys should be taught to play cricket. In these , days of house-matches the boy with a good bowling and batting average stands a better chance of a job than does the average lad. ... .

Some laws don't work too .well. Nor do some of the men who have made them.' '•'• '

"Critic" emphatically agrees with a correspondent who, m forwarding the following clipping from an advertisement m the ''Blackpool Gazette and Herald" setting ' forth . details of the services m the -Parish -Church (St. John's, Blackpool), remarks that it is worth space:—

At the close of the Evening Service, the Choir will render Bach's* Cantata:

"SLEEPERS AWAKE." The correspondent's norn de plume, "Gabriel's Trumpet," indicates that he has a. keener sense of humor 'than the Vicar's advertising representative or service supervisor possesses.

Husbands, are particularly caroful drivers when their wives are driving the car.

We have seen mirrors] that made fat men look thin and thin men look absurdly fat; also mirrors that make men (and women) look so like themselves that annoyance is caused. There is a fortune for the man who invents a mirror that will flatter.

One proof that exercise causes development is afforded by the doubling oi the chins of some people we know.

The objection we have {o some of these : health food restaurants is that they rely too much upon the "nut" m nutrition. We would be prepared to meet them If they would meat us.

The pipe is said to be going out of fashion: If this is so, Scotland may look forward to a more prosperous touring season. ; '

That sentence m a magazine novelette: ."Don't blame me if you awake one morning to. find yourself assassinated" is enough to keep .anyone awake.

"Youth wiil be served." True. Equally true is it that m these days many a youth serves time.

The system of tipping may be rotten, but it shows no sign of decay.

Some people make more money as their business expands. Others are equally successful on contracts.

One of those "real snip" advertisements describes the "reception-room" as 20in. by 16in. — "sumptuously papered." There wouldn't be much expense m sumptuously re-papering the room after it had been torn during a big squeeze at a reception. ,

Mother usually raves about her new hat. So does Father. .

Have the good people* who declare that life imprisonment js. worse than capital punishment ever tried either?

Neck-shaves for women are common. How long will it be before fashion decrees a head-shave?

Hen Peck says he can't just-under-stand these bigamists. ' j :"...■■.:: : :

i . : : :: The bill from a nerve specialist wil] give, you a better idea of what nerve is

Every man takes a chance when he marries. It is his last — until he marries again.

Any dealer m cars will tell you that now is the best time to sell your: old car and buy a new one.

• • SI" ; ;' The author of the "Drive Slow" signs had more regard for safety than for adverbs '

Xourig wives: Don't be suspicious because your husband praises your cooking. ' " •

j: :.: :: Many applicants fop divorce carry their marriage lines on their faces.

One avenue of employment for children- with an impediment m their speech is calling out the names of railway stopping places.

Another endurance test .to prepare for is when- you learn that the wife's parents propose to spend a holiday with you.

A woman's vacation is spoiled if she worries over the fate of her pot plants. She should remember that her health is more important than the health of her plants.

"Wanted — Experienced widow dresser." "Critic" is prepared to. wager that a very high salary would be required to tempt anyone so experienced —unless the widow was paying; for the dresses.

Despite the advent of motors our football teams prefer a coach and four. Of course if there are forty and not four stalwart barrackers as well as the coach so much the better and better for • the bettor. '

It is denied that Bernard Shaw's plays have been banned m Russia. The plight' of the unfortunate Russians grows worse and worse. You may not be able to enforce your will while you live, but there is satisfaction m knowing that your will will be enforced when you die— rif it Is not too complicated. The hard row of the punters is not made any easier when this, sort ■ of thing is handed out to them; by the sporting expert of a contemporary: In the Great Northern Derby Count Cavour met a lot of*, opponents that were not among the runners and beat them decisively. It is difficult to form an opinion as to how the Count : would have fared had the runners included some of his opponents. The fact remains that the op-, ponents among the runners who took the Count on, took the count. Apparently one Dannevirke ' parson has taken to heart the advice that the churches, m order to succeed, must make their services more attractive. In the "News" of Saturday last one read: ' CHURCH SERVICES. "THE MARRIAGE CHEAT."— ARCADIA, TO-NIGHT. ■Flirtation is a game played by one woman against several men. The woman generally wins. • . "' j : *"' .::'"' . :•: - .. < A soft answer may turn away wrath— but it prolongs the telephone talk.