TRUTH TALKS

NZ Truth, Issue 994, 13 December 1924, Page 4

TRUTH TALKS

WITH TiiE^AN ATTOECJORNI ON WICS OF THE WEEK

From depibririer the discomfort cf flats, the Man turned his thoughts darkly towards back door pests persistently canvassing all manner" of rubbish that women are frequently driven m sheer desperation into buying. However, the Man himself has had an -encounter on the beach with a lady who would no doubt be equal to any hawker who ever hawked.

DUST AftD DELAY,

"What's gone wrong now?" we queried as the Man came m spluttering and blowing his nose. . "It's these infernal dust clouds. 'Truth'," he almpst groaned. "Gum! they're awful.."

"Yes, they're really bad all right," we remarked.

The Man waxed indignant. "Why aren't there more water cast's -on the roads?" he demanded. "It's a positive menace to the public health the way things are now." , ■

"It'll soon be known as 'dusty' not 'windy' "Wellington,"' we answered, "though at present tin two are very much together."

"And that's : not; the only aspect," said the Man. "To see the dust blowing into the shops would put a man off his food if tie knew anything about germs and microbe^." ■ "Fortunately',, most of us are rather ignorant of such things," we replied. "It'sjust as well: m a way that most of us :are," continued the, Man, "though if a little more was known of them perhaps the Council, would get. a good shake-up and tacklesthe question without delay; I see a member mentioned it' at one of their meetings the other night and suggested using salt water,'; but it appears there's something wrong with that."' . . ■•■' "There's certainly plenty of it any r how," we answered.; ... "Yes,' 1 and plenty of dust ■at present, worse luck," ' growled the Man. FLATULITIS. . "Have you ever been compelled to live m a • flat at all?" asked the Man. "It has never • been our privilege," we replied. - • "Well, you don't know what you are missing then. .I've had to put up with it now for .the past two years and if I don't have the' luck to, shift into private quarters soon I might find myself confined. ,m, a; large public institution ;a few miles' up the line," he said dismally. "Tut, tut. '■. Is/ living m fiats as bad as ■ .ill ' that, Man?" • "Where lam it is, and worse. Unfortunately, .one: of the rowdiest families existing occupy the lower flat and they aren't blessed with good manners. There are /about four girls m this brood, each 'boy mad,'. so to speak, and the hours they keep don't do them any, credit. •, ; It's „ nothing for these' people to come home m the early morning hours and, after throwing, their boots heavily on the floor,, carry on an animated conversation, presumably for our benefit. This annoyance is varied m the daytime by a series of fights and rows, the highpitched voices carrying for.miles round the neighborhood." "Dear, dear, Man, why .don't you shift into a private residence, where you and Mrs. Man could enjoy peace and quietness?" . ■% "I wish I could. • I have tried; , qft^iv enough, but my purse, 'Truth,', Ms^r, too slim. A house these days is -Qnly a dream 1 of avarice." ('■■.' THE MALIGNED MATERNITY ; NURSE. „. ' > ■■'■ " "I notice that there's been a good deal of discussion of late about motherhood and maternity nurses," said the Man the other morning. "You're quite right," we said, "there has, and the nurses don't come out of it m a very favorable light, according to ■. some reports." — "Well, Mrs. Man has been talking to me. about it and she. says that all this talk about the nurses having an easy time and refusing to do any housework is all bosh— and, as she says herself, she's always right. . Sho says that much of the fault lies witn. the" mothers themselves. Instead of engaging a nurse for a month they have her for a fortnight. Manyi> of those who: could well afford to have help leave everything to- the nurse, who has to attend to the patient, get meals for half a dozen .other little hopefuls and get them off to- school m the mornings, besides looking after the new arrival. By the time she has done all that, and hubby's washing, besides a few other odds and .ends, it is time to start again, and she has precious few chances to 'store up surplus energy' as one writer suggested. Mrs. Man, who as you are aware is rearing a family, always says that she. has found the nurses .kindness itself, and that it's only those who ask impossibilities who find them anything else."' "Well, well, we're very glad to sec YOU come forward and champion the cause of the down-trodden, arid we're always open to hearing two sides of a question, as ybu : know. There may be something- in what. Mrs. Man says, md anyhow it's a certainty that they're not all tarred with the same brush." .. • '.•'.: BACK DOOR PESTS. "Upon my word, 'Truth,' it's surprising the number of callers I have at. m y place -^during the day."

' "Is that so! Ina social' or business capacity?" ■ * '■ :; ' "Well, certainly hot m a social capacity; thatiis to say," he hurried on, "I- have my own particular friends who call, but the majority of those who find > their way inside' my gate are . just pedlars— perhaps .'they call themselves business people, but I have my own ideas; on the subject." "What do you object • to, Ivlan— the men themselves or the goods they sell ? We take it you have some objection?"

"I have' that, 'Truth!," and the Man exploded.' "When I'm at work I don't Want these itinerant pedlars forever pestering:, at the house. They annoy the wife, and that's bad enough m itself— for me I mean. Why, one

fellow, yesterday came to the door selling fancy soaps and perfumes who absolutely refused to be gone when told that nothing was required. I wish I'd been there to boot him and his stinking soa-ps off the premises." -/We have met a^few of the kind ourselves,"^^ said. "What happened m your case?" r

"Well, the wife was busy with the housework when this bird called. She opened the door to a dazzling display of soaps, etc.. and when she informed the vendor that nothing was required, things got lively. 'But, mum, this is good stuff,' he reiterated and, as the door began, to close m his face, he poked his boot m the aperture and for a long time refused to budge. Of course, the wife had to open the door again and then the brute pushed his frame inside the doorway. There she eventually left, him until he finally cleared, out. I got all this when I .arrived home, and," said the Man, * m going to. buy a good house dog— one that'll bite." •

<?"And don't forget the notice at the sate, ' we cautioned him as he/ left. THE BANDSMEN'S HURDLE.

I notice that the officials m charge nave, the arrangements welL in' hand tor the monster. Brass Band Contest to be held m Auckland next February," said the Man. ;

Yes, and their efforts appear to be well rewarded, that is,, judging by the number of bands that have entered for tne three grades," we replied. | . "Ah! don't you be misled by that. 1 have just seen the Test pieces for the A grade, and, knowing what little I do about band music, I consider'that more than half the number will be forced tto withdraw. . One of the pieces is the same that was put on for the . huge Crystal ■ Palace contest held recently m England, and. as it was such a stiff proposition, several bands entered; did not compete, wlthj the result that a little more than half a dozen of. the crack bands took part." "It certainly, must be a hard test if some of England's leading bands couldn't look at it." : "Believe me, it 'lS a' hard test, and if that was the result m England, what'i; going to happen J,n New Zealand? The younger of the A grade bands are certainly not going to be catered for at Auckland, and m this case the contests are going to fall short of their object." "Exactly," we said. "We thoroughly agree with you that an average Test piece played properly "by all bands is much more beneficial to bands and the public m general than a stiff classical one that would take our few leading bands all their time to master. And, as you rhave said before, there, is a big difference between our 'leading bands and the premiers of the Old Country," we concluded. THE REWARD OF THE SCIENTIST. "That's a nasty black eye you have, Man; been learning boxing?" "No, 'Truth.' I h,ave been learn ing the lesson that the way of the dabbler m, science and progress is full of pitfalls/; , ■■■'. ■ [ ..:..: "Ah! dabbling m explosives no doubt?". v . -■• ' ■ v ■■-,. ■:;.■;•■■ "Explosives, yes," remarked > our visitor bitterly; "explosive females.., I rea.d m an Australian' paper, 'Truth,' that scientists have discovered* that sunlight absorbed into the body is x the elixir of life and the time was fast approaching when we would even eat sunlight— God's • sunlight, not Lever Bros.'— as a curative agent for all purposes." ' ' • ■ ■ ' : '

"Very interesting 1 , and doubtless true," we murmured sagely. "Exactly what I thought, 'Truth,' so to test the' theory I went to the seaside, and seeing a substantial sunbeam reposing on the velvet, cheek of a sunbathing beauty I thought, 'here is the very potion for my indigestion 1 and proceeded to take a large mouthful of sun forthwith from the ' cheek . .of Venus." ~ • •' ; • - "You old rascal, it's a wonder you weren't . given m charge. Didn't the lady object?" ' "Oh no," said-the Man sarcastically. "She merely clenched her fist •around some sunlight and forcibly deposited it m my eye. Sunlight's not much good taken that way, 'Truth." "Serves you right; next time you will be more circumspect m your pursuit of science." "I will, 'Truth,' I will," and the Man departed caressing his injured eye with his hand and with a sorrowful' look m his good op tie. ' . BOILER TROUBLES. The Man was looking a trifle „pretentious when he strolled* m the other morning, a habit; he has got when "he wants to be asked a question. "I'm going to join a Union," he announced. .' "What'sort of a Union?, The Lamppost and Telegraph Pole Supporters Union or what?" "No, the Boilermakers' Union. I've been studying up the rules- and it' seems just to suit my particular complaint. It's a l : good old , age, \ too; comes right down from some old josser called. Cincinnatus of something and anyway, if you're a rivetter you're liable to be hauled out^of the inside of a boiler, like that fellow m. Dunedin, and made an M.L.C.at any moment." . .: "Well, it sounds as if it had its ad^ vantages." . "Advantages! Look at those chapa on the Maori. They put m a rivet or two at "Wellington, then knock off work and journey m the boat to Lyttelton ; 'where- they repeat the operation. They, charge time and a haft" overtime for travelling saloon to their work, double overtime for sleeping, and a pound a. snore extra if there's a head wind. Free medical attention for sea sickness, spatchcocTc chickens for breakfast, the run of the bar, and other luxuries they would ' like to have thrown m, leaving the scraps • for >thQ other 'saloon passengers who are paying time and a ; half overtime to journey to. their own work. *Yes, a life on the ocean wave for me, provided Britannia rules 'em straight enough." "But didn't you see that the Court has ruled against these, auxiliary claims?" .■■.;. ' . . y. J . "Dodgast it, - no. Is that so? And just when I h.id at last sorted out a ,decent job suitable to my peculiar temperament and ambitions!" And the Man fell backwards out ot the room, m sUeer disgust.