TRUTH TALKS

NZ Truth, Issue 984, 4 October 1924, Page 4

TRUTH TALKS

WITH THE MAN AT THE CORNER ON TOPICS OF THE WEEK d

The Man has had a varied week. Horror-struck at the spectacle of a one-legged man rolling helplessly drunk on the footpath, he emitted a howl about publicans supplying cripples immoderately. On another subject, that of prison reform, we suspect that his remarks are not to be taken too seriously.

MISTAKEN IDENTITY. "Did you ever get taken for the Prince of Wales or some other notability, 'Truth'?" The Man fired the question at us during our usual morning pow-wow. . ' ... "Hardly one so high up m the world as that," we replied. "And just as well, too, you know; the strain would be too great and we wouldn't be able to get on with our work for a week after." ■ ,

"Well, I heard a good one the other da.y," the Man' said. "A married friend of mine had a wife that needed attention — I- don't mean she needed watching or anything 1 like that,", he added hurried ly; "it was just a matter of a little ailment she was suffering from." . "And what about it?" we said testily. "What's that got to do with us being taken for the Prince of Wales?" "I'll tell you. Hubby went out to work and promised to send along a doctor to have a look at the gammy leg as it happened to' be. In due time a knock came at the door which the serving maid answered. As the doctor was expected and the man she saw standing on the doorstep fulfilled her idea of one, she promptly showed him into 'my lady's chamber.' "Wif ey, nothing loth, started to show her sore leg to" the 'doctor,' explained the symptoms, etc., before the 'doctor' could get a word m edgeways." "Go on, Man; we are all ears!" "The pool* male began to get flustered and at last blurted out: 'I'm. not a doctor; I'm a piano tuner.' You can guess the general consternation of ' the parties, 'Truth.' My friend had gone to the house with his Uttl'e bag looking for business, but .he swears now he won't poke his nose inside a place until he has proclaimed his business." "It must have been the little bag of tools that did the . trick," we offered. " . • THE DEAR, OLD LADY AGAIN. ' "Upon my soul," said the Man, "the 'dear old lady' typified m : the comic pi ess — you know the type — is übiquitous. I struck one put m the suburbs the other day. At least, I heard one poke her nose m where she had no business to." , - • '"Yes," we said. "What was it?" "A yoiing chap— l happen . to. know him — was having a job with a ' two•w heeler cart on a steep pinch of road. The load was too light on, and, of course, going uphill, it slipped back still more. The shafts came up m the air and threatened to lift the poor old gee with them. The best the neddy could do was to hold the cart, let alone pull it. The driver asked my assistance as I happened to be handy at the time, so I held the shafts down while he climbed on to them. Then off he went up -the hill. But what do you • think happened?" continued the Man. "Couldn't say," we replied. "Did the shafts break?" "Not a bit of it, but about half-way up the hill was an old lady, laboriously doing the climb, and she turned on the joung fellow and rated him soundly ■for being such a big lazy lout to climb on the shaft and ride when the poor horse could hardly pull the load. You ought to be downright ashamed of yourself,' finished up the old girl." PRISON REFORMS. VI hear that the latest movement m England is to place water color paintings m the prisons as an attempt to humanise the prisoners," said the Man.. "Excellent," we said approvingly. "It is only the thin edge of the wedge," he sighed. "In a few years no prison cell will be complete without a bath (h. and a), a gramophone with all the latest records and the dead march for the edification of condemned prisoners. Light literature will also be provided. Every prisoner will be expected to recite the week's 'Truth Talk' as an educational measure. The stern warder will be abolished, and . m his" place, kindly gentlemen will smile benignly. 'Treat him gently, poor soul, he is not an evilrdoer; he is laboring under mental illness,' they will say when a burglar is brought m.

"At least, that's how it strikes me," sa:<3 the Man, after a pause. "That Leopold and Loeb case m Chicago produced the most amazing crop' of alienist I've' ever heard of. And even here m New Zealand the plea of mental de-: rangement is raised often enough. However,' perhaps we'll look back- some day on the prison metHods of to-day as sheer brutality, as we look back now on Botany Bay day's and further still to before Magna Charta." "Perhaps so," we said. "However, we'll wait awhile before we sample the goods." ; . „_ THE BURDEN OF CHILDREN. "It's no joke to bring up a family these days," murmured the Man. "No," we saidj "they seem to have gone out of fashion a good deal of late years. Pomeranian poodles seem very acceptable substitutes to numbers of women though." . "Now you've mentioned, lt," he said. "I don't think they charge for dogs to sit under the table m a tea-room, do they?". "Couldn't say," we returned. **Why, do they charge for babies?" "Too true they do," cried the Man vehemently. ' "Do you know what a joker told 'me the other day? He said his wife went m. to a tea-room m "Wellington for the cup. that cheers but

months-old baby on the chair by her side. It was a pleasant rest for the woman after carrying the child round ah day, but she got a shock when the bill came for 2/-. 'You don't charge foi> the baby, do you?' said the woman surprisedly. 'Well, it occupied a chair,' snapped back the waitress who must have had shares m the place. 'All right,' "said the good lady mildly, 'I'll take it on my knee,' which she thereupon did. Now what do you think the waitress did then?" said the Man taking a step back. "Well, we'll be the mugs," we said. "What did she do?" "Cut sixpence off the billi" "Sixpence," we said. "What was the balance supposed to represent?" "Heavens knows," said the Man, "I don't. The woman just paid it and said nothing further, but with this sort of baby-tax going on it is no v/cnder that real, live babies are out of fashion, is it?"' "No," we murmured, "it fs not." CHILD LICENSES. "Do you believe m birth-control?" asked the Man abruptly. • "It depends," we said cautiously. "It is impossible to dogmatise on such a , question, when our knowledge regarding it is so incomplete." "Can anyone not believe m it when one is confronted with the hundreds of men out of work m New Zealand to-day?" he urged. Then the, Man made a suggestion which, besides being distinctly original, has its good points. Briefly, he suggested that it should be a criminal offence for a married couple to have children unless they obtained a license from the State first. No license would be .issued, unless the State was satisfied that the child would be adequately housed, maintained and educated. In fact, the scheme would prohibit a man earning less than a certain sum, say, £150 per annum, having children. We pointed out the dangers of the scheme to the Man. /'I realise that something, on similar lines was tried during the revolution m Russia," he said. "But there is nothing to show that the scheme was not successful. Of course, there i 3 always the danger of bureaucratic interference going too far." "Exactly," we interrupted. "Would it not be better to have a slight measure, o£. ( bureaucratic interference than to have hundreds of degenerates filling our Police Courts?" The Man's question was a fair one. We suggested that a scheme on similar lines would come . eventually. "That .means m a million years," said the Man 'with a wealth of scorn m his voice.

FILLING A CRIPPLE.

"I suppose r the publicans have, to pay for their goodwills and enormous rents somehow or another," said the Man, "but this serving of a cripple till he's so full that he can't - stand on his crutches is over the odds."

"What -cripple?" we said. "W« haven't seen one." "No, but I have," returned the Man, "If/was a degrading spectacle I ■witnessed the other day m the heart of the city and at its busiest hour. A cre-legged man, a returned soldier, I believe,- was absolutely helpless through over- imbibing. It would have been no mean feat for a man without any physical disability to have kept his feet with the amount of liquor aboard that . this poor creature had, and you may well imagine what a plight he was m. No sooner did some kind passer-by set him up on his' crutches again, than he collapsed anew and hit the ground with a resounding smack. "Now, ' 'Truth,' I wouldn't advocate that because he had lost a leg he shouldn't have a drink, but what I do think disgraceful, is that publicans should allow a man to leave their premises m that state. More than likely this poor unfortunate who has fought for his country and sacrificed a limb ■was doing m his paltry pension, yet m their greed for money, some hotelkeeper (or keepers) bled him of what little he had until he was so full that he couldn't stand.. It : s too deadly altogether, 'Truth." "Quite so, Man," we replied. "We have seen incidents approaching that ourselves, but no, never quite as bad as you've described." TYPISTES AND TEA. It was' one of those balmy teprinjf days when the very thought of being inside out of the fresh air seemed a mockery of liberty. There was a knock atf the door, and mustering as much civility as possible we bade' the comer enter. It was the Man, looking fitter than .' ever, and replete with a buttonhole. ••':».■■ . "Where's the typiste?" was his first query. - :. - \ .... .. . "Tut* tut," we answered, "and you a married man, too. Do you want us to ring th'e baronial halls and p*ut Mrs. Man on your trail?" "You misjudge me altogether," he replied. "I have to match- some material for my missus and I thought your lady might be able and willing to assist." "As a matter of fact, at the present moment, she is engaged m. making the daily tea." "That's a most pernicious ' habit," said the Man. "If I were you, I would put a stop to it. It's a waste of good time, and the tannin m the tea itself will kill anyone if .they keep on drinking it." - i "It certainly wastes . a little time every day," we answered, "but after all, the girls work fairly long hours, and a few minutes shbuld not be grudged. As long as they don't trade on it and take an unreasonably long time, we don't see any objection to it. The male portion of any staff usually manages to get; out once or twice during the summer days and regale itself vith a long one, and if we remember rightly you, yourself often have a glass of — — '•■' " "Excuse me/* said the Man. "but 46 you think it's about time, eh?" We bent again to our arduous labors (we don't think), and the typist© ha 4 a little chuckle at the foibles of th« Man when sh&j&w us beating Jfcjlojn*