TRUTH TALKS

NZ Truth, Issue 978, 23 August 1924, Page 4

TRUTH TALKS

WITH THE MAN AT TOE CORNER ON TOPICS OF THE WEEK >

Sfl^Jlft ■!•"•■■'* m .? tor f " ne , i : al 6 " top gear, the Man found it w«?» * *♦- reco " cl 'e s V. cf ? di« Patch with the dead with the vain waste of time by the living as m the case of two disputants on the corner whom he overheard indulging m platitudinous debate dXc tf 3 m hOUP " A nd on this chequer board of nights and f^f e ;l !." ;Sees ma . ny thl "3s e!se, : some paradoxical, some amusing, and never fails, to report.

POST MORTEM HASTE.

"Unquestionably, 'Trutn,' the death rate is rising fast," observed the Man "Ha, indeed," we said. "What are the figures?" .

"About twenty miles an 1 hour- over good roads," he shouted joyously. "Why, spare me days, it is the dead who are the quick m these hustling times. I passed a funeral just now m the main street going full tilt m great style, with the driver of the hearse tooting his horn joyously. I was m the act of .stepping off the pavement when the horn sounded behind me. What oh! When I saw a funeral bearing down on me at that pace; it did seem a, -Tait/ uncanny, I tell you. Bad luck if/a man' was killed by a funeral,

"Very convenient, we should think," we replied facetiously. "Kill two birds with the ■one" stone, as -it were." : ? "Yes, ye's," he answered reflectively. "There may be something m- that, for there's nothing %6 be gained tiy delay. Indeed, Tennyson's 'let. there 'be no moaning at; the bar when I put put to sea' may soon be— to, quote him again — 'yielding place' to "let there be no shortage of benzine when I hit the high spots m "a .80 h.p. hearsfe.".' THAT CAVE MAN STUFF. "So Kid; McCoy had nine wives, you'll have noticed,- 'Truth.' Be gorrah, but he j had the harem spirits eh?" "Yes, he did that. He should have been a Mohammedan." "Ah, but the Kid had it on them. He had only one at a time to keep — much cheaper, you know. - But what I've pondered over is this. It is whether the harem spirit was inherent m the man or whether it was that he succumbed to the adulations of the women who go crazy .over such men as he was. This 'cave man type, you know, awakens something primitive m the sex "; • .';'■■■'■';'''■ '■ ■"■'..' ■■'■■ '. '. "Oh, ah, we know," we said modestly, as we twirled the ' modern club (our office pen). "We have our trials, too. If we were only to tell you of that bewitching, fascinating creature (our eyes rolled upwards as ,we thought) who . ■ "But our lips are sealed," we added meaningly. - "Yea," said the Man— he was irritating enough to decline to draw Jus to tell more — "do you remember Jack Johnston' m his heyday? He was surrounded with women who might have been expected to know better. I te;ll you it's the physical that appeals to them more than they admit to themselves. How they love the silent, strong man type portrayed, by Ethel M. Dell." - "Indeed, we believe there's something In what you say," we declared. "That magnificent vamp we were speaking of— why, it was that same allure, no doubt. In fact, it was she who led the applause when we gained that magnificent victory m the ping-pong tournament." JUTLAND. "Talking about the Battle of Jutland," began the Man. We reminded him . of Admiral Sir Percy Scott's statement that 'nobody knows and nobody ever will know the truth about Jutland.' ' "I don't think many people take much notice of what Scott says," 'he continued. "He, was never. on the active list during the war and except' as a newspaper strategist ho has little to his credit. Perhaps, the • only' active thing he did was to take part m frantically urging the Government to sup-! press Lord Alfred Douglas's articles on Jutland m 'Plain English." . "Can anybody, take Douglas seriously?" . . ■ .'■ ■■..-'■""■'.•.• "It is no use- always throwing mud at a man," he urged. "Douglas's articles on Churchill and Cassell were perhaps a little indiscreet. At the same time it was curious, that the Home Office. Sir Phillip Sassoon, then Lloyd George's private secretary! should make such extraordinary efforts to stop the articles."

"What did Douglas say about Jutland?" we Inquired. "Oh, ho alleged that someone m German pay was at the Admiralty and sent false wireless messages to the fleet, thus mariner Lord Jellicoe turn the fleet to starboard instead of to port at the critical moment. The story created enormous interest at the time nnd it was no secret that certain rich Jews m London and New York made a fabulous sum a's a result of the German exchange stiffening after what the Huns claimed as their 'Victory." "A curious story," we said, "though one Ho be taken with a, very large degree of caution.* ' FOOTBALL AMENITIES. "Reverting to the subject of League football," said the Man. "I am afraid the' visit of the English team hasn't done much good." "You refer to the. lnterview with the ICngllshmun about football conditions here," we said. "Exactly. Frankly, I don't understand iho English captain's attitude. He complains about our crowds, and la reported to have said that they are worse than bull fights. Further, he is nleo reported to have spoken disparagingly about the behavior of New Zealand girls at these matches." "Ho called them screeching females, ■didn't her -

"Yes, something to that effect. But, my argument is that it is bad manners and unsportsmanlike of the visiting team to comment m such a manner on curselyes. Heaven knows, we:-. are not soft-skinned. These comments don't hurt us a .scrap.-. ■••' But, at the same time, they unmistakably leave an unpleasant impression. It does not -'.make us feel over-friendly disposed, towards them; In fact, to put it brutally, sm.-h behavior is like. abusing the hpspitu.iUy • of a host. WTien we go to stay with a friend we don't tell him whut rot: on ,- cigars and wines he keaps. On the " contrary, to avoid offending him, we make it a point to praise rather th'.vn. disparage what he .offers us. So with .the ' Englishmen. '"'However perfidious they may be they canhbt be excused for leaving their good manners behind them." .-.»'; ".-.■■;;■>••■'. -r : ..t t ;v>;-v-'; -vv|.- -. ' •JAnd that's that," we sighed, rather amazed at the Man's loquacity. THE EXTRAVAGANT PRINCE. The Man had been bending V over some English papers- m the office last week, when he turned on us -wrath- ■' fully. "I am sick of it," he exploded ait last. :■.■•-..-. • "What?" ': :. ■■•■■;■ . "Oh, these reports of what the Prince of Wales is always doing. I see he has been to La Touquet, playing at the Casino there lately, and now, according to the papers, he has been . present at the opening of the latest cabaret m London. ; What I want v to' know Ms] when is he going to settle ;down and ; do a man's work? There surely must . bo something he could do for the Empire besides 'opening cabarets andY attending" bazaars and baby shows. ItO Is rather, curious, incidentally, just to show the trend of feelingf m the Cold Country, that "Prince Charming," who Is now almost 30, has been the subject of a heated Methodist .controversy. They even waxed so bold somo !tii|Mi ago to send a deputation, tp.the^irifir, • urging him to use v his' influence with the Prince to restrain him frbni i leading such a gay, heedless life. \: ''■„ • ' j : . "Criticism is always a simple" matr ter,"_we said. "There is no doubt, that .. the:' Prince does; lead a rather 'gay 4if a. Why shouldn't he? He Is young. At any rate, ithere might be . many worse men m :his position." .' < ; ! TiEACHING THEM VOUNG.^ 1 "Talking \ about t'yrav," said the Man reflectively. . '" ' : ' We suspected that, as usual, ho waa going to gird at the League of Nations, and said so.

"You're wrong" he replied. 'I waV In artoyshoplast week guying a birthday present. for the kid. I asked the young woman m the Bhop for a suitable toy for an intelligent child of six. What do you think she brought me? v> v "One of those beastly tin trumpets which our neighbor's child, m the next flat, possesses." . . " "Wrong again," he smiled. ' "She brought me a box of toy soldiers, and when I told her that I didn't want ( them she brought me a stupid game ' entitled 'How Foche got to Berlin.' Now, if we want to stamp out the ugly spirit of war we have got to stamp it out of- the child mind. It is all very well to try and secure peace for this generation by limiting -armaments, forming leagues, and shouting slogans to Yankland like 'hands across the «ea,* but we have got to do our utmost to see that our children are not dragged Into another war J m the next twenty years. By buying toy soldiers we are doing our level best to inculcate militarism into innocent young, minds,". "What did you buy. your child, anyhow?" we asked curiously. . . "Oh, I compromised," r.eplied' the Man. "I bought him a water pistol!'* THE UNCIVIL SPINSTERS. . The Man touched on a delicate subject when he visited us 'last' "week. V "I don't want to complain," he said. "The fact is I have been doing a little business with a certain Government department and m which are a number of spinsters of uncertain age. My business took a little time to adjust, but I have never had more discourteous treatment than I received from these women. They saw to my business efficiently enough, but they treated mo . In an extraordinarily rude manner. . In fact, they behaved as if they wore doing- me a great favor by condescending to assist me. Now, that is not a proper way to treat the public. After all, the taxpayer maintains, the service but of his pocket and ho hns a right, to courteous treatment m return." "We agree with you absolutely on that point," we said. "However, we ■fancy that your case is a little exceptional. The Government departments which we have come m contact with, I with one or two exceptions,, are obliging enough. But m your case we should strongly advise you to report those women to their superior officer. H is possible they might become a little less arrogant then. CORNER DEBATES. "Association with the corner has shown me something about corners. 'Truth,'" said the Man. "and the mo3t marked thing 1 have noticed is the inducement it offers for arguments." "Yes," we said, "have you been at it again?" "No, not me this time— it was at another corner than my usual post that I had a specific instance. I was passing this one the other day when I espied two men m oarnettt colloquy. One wan thumping his palm with a clenched fist- nnd tniklnß fourteen to the dozen; Jho other wns noddlncr sagely at each impact. As I punned. \ the talker uttered this profundity: •New Zealand is a producing country,' •• " "Well, that was an Intelligent utterance, anyway. Surely It wasn't disputed?" "I don't know whether It was or not but when I was returning the same way an hour afterwards the same two were at it still. As I passed,' what tbink you were. the words I heard?'' "What were they?" wo gasped halfexpectantly. "•New Zealand m a producing country,' were the words that came to mv eara, but this time It wan the other follow, and ho blurted it out as if he'd Just established tho Einstein thcorv^ Now what do you think of that? Thurmd mu«t be something m the corner air" ■