THE CRITIC

NZ Truth, Issue 890, 16 December 1922, Page 1

THE CRITIC

Mr Speaker. Missed a Speaker. ' Strong-tongued Doc. Thacker has succumbed to a Strong Arm. . . Last week New Zealand was - Cblnerouri. It was Poll-land. Reform gambolled with electoral reform. ■ Like most -gamblers,-'"l£"lost." Wakatipu agaln > .responds to v the. call of the Liberal-Labor Horn. It seeks not to be embarrassed with l ßltchies. Minister Stewart had a -pleasant roll over the Downie Moss bofore strolling home. i: • :: •;: - What Is Charlie Statham? At, heart a Liberal. "Critic" hopes he has no new platform -, planks. If li* has, will he Statham soon? Liberal-Labor Leader Wilford as Speaker! And one vote less against deformed Reform. • . ' it . si ' itDavy Jones has gone back to his ancient locker m the meat pool. Meet some of his puling friends there. :■" It ; 11 It Reform's motor-cars were busy on Election Day. You can drive a , voter' to the booth/ but -you can't change his think or his drink. . m>-4 ,-.^-it.^ ■■ -: «ir-;s. ■; .4-:": Wellington watersiders by 7permittihfca Union > official *at ftTmlhority; ;rceftUng77t6^ »Urm Ith^v^Ai^ltriStib-x! Court's recent award Just about burned their boats. And there's little work offering from a 1 burnt boat .-„ »'* '.'»■' I! ■Reformer Wright is going to drum mischief-makers out of the country. Red Labor Croskery is going to drum out all who don't support his cause. "Critic's" musical soul never had much time for the bangers of the big drum. Some four-s.core Taranaki Chamber of Cemmerce-ltes are about to dercend' en Australia. Look but. Horse-tralla, these cow-country folk are pretty oily --or hope to be when the ironsand has run out. ?»'.'■ I! II "Can Mr; Massey carry on?" asks a dally paper. Lor' lumme; hasn't he been demonstrating these last ten years ! A zinc syndicate is announced from Norway. "Critic" has known heaps of .'-'sink" syndicates m our own fair land. :: :: :: . "Left to Experts," said the cables, referring to some technical points at 4he Lausanne Conference. No doubt a dirty left. :: :: :t They say that the first hundred years of Prohibition are the wettest. Thank goodness we haven't started on our first hundred years yet : : : i it A Reform journal suggests tha 1 - Tom Wilford should be given the vacant Speakership, m Parliament. Evidently Inr pressed by the effectiveness of Thomas's platform speaking during the Election campaign. ii ti ti * "Critic" is not authorised to announce the appointment of Vigor Brown, ex-Liberal MP., ex -Reform M.P., ox- candidate for Napier, to the Legislative Council. But the X X X hereinbefore mentioned ia by Continuance voters authorised. it tt n Peter Fraseor's absolute majority m the Wellington Central contest was second only to Bill Masaey's In Franklin. "Critic" is surprised at tho Masses taming their champion Phraser down. v ti it It will take a vary bright Ree to outshine Willie Massey on his own hearth. The Ree, was •clipsed. but so was the big star. tt M 11 TJnclo Tod Howard led by many ETls In the race down the Lone. Also started m the Humanity Stakes: Thomson. "Thomson's dead." That Wright can be wrotg was shown' on election night when he roared like a bull at Red and Pink Labor alike. Next time Wright will bo loft. Although they didn't Burnett at both ends of Temuka, there were 29 who actually thought they did Needhem. Phil will not fill a seat m Parliament yet. His forfeit of tho deposit is not on all fours with his proposals to put our finances on their four feet. it it •( Sir John has been Lukelng cwclous as the Returning Officer's Combs went through the absent voters' papqyi. So Young, too. t! !! II There are fewer seekers m Masterton than m Napier ot a happy hereafter. In Napier 2GOB voted for Evans m iDlfi. In Mnsterton last week IGCI supported tho bearer of tho akln-to-Celostlal name. But then Mastertonjs accustomed to being dry. ! •• t t: Dry Ashburton really ought to pay j n*oro attention to lis gastronomic rer qulromcnts. Fancy turning down its -Cooke? Perhaps the cook let tho a<kcs burn whllo ho dlecustod tho theory of cooking. tt it ■ ii i Two flno days In succession wcro recorded at Wellington last week. Tho summer Is, therefore, over there, v n t r -- Evor since tho war tho prlco ot bacon has boon artificial, remarked (he sturapsr, WolL so was tho iJiacon.

Reformer 7 Farrell was horribly savaged m Auckland. West. .Dunedin South abhors off-siao play. It 13 still ori-Sidey. Labor's Purr didn't Tell m Rosldll. Wany thought the Potter was up the pole. But he was up the Poll. it -*—..■ :t "' """ Speaker Lang was crossed by Jordan. . "Critic" hopes Sir Frederick will wait a long time ere ho crosses Jordan. :: :*r '-':: Why shouldn't all Ellesmere'a Rhodes be Free? Because Reform can't perform. v. :: :i » These Masons are many-sided. On« for Labor at Eden. One for Reform at Napier; Both outed. •..::: a Reform was At more trouble to capture Nelson. But cement is very solid when set m m >:» A little hop-juice now and then is relished by the wisest men. Continuance for "Critic." The Masters seem to have the Stratford scholars well disciplined. No doubt because they are Liberal Masters. ft it ii Taranaki electors couldn't Bee much difference between Tweedledum and Tweedledee. . But they distinguished between them and Tweedie. v. ■ ■ \ "'**' ' ■■■-*» .-:. '»* S^^KP^VdWipboriy^teSSfih Archer m Christchurch North. Isitt, its target, can still pronounce his name. It also made things hot with its poisoned arrows at Wanganui, but its candidate i.» still Coull. One, cause of McCallum's defec t for Wairau. was that he had no recognised brand. A sort of what you ma/ call'um. n :: n . Answer to correspondents' "Old Subscriber," "Tablet Porter," "Maorilend Worker," "Purveyor of Pcrsonantles' Ass." etc.— Truth ia mighty and will prevaiL t: :: :: "Critic" is authorised to state that Sir Andrew Russell's defeat was not the outcome of a general strike m Hawkes Bay. It was a General struck. . McCullough showed no trace of humor when he turned down his Arbitration Court job. Now he a been beaten by someone more Witty. ii t s it "Critic" hastens to commiserate with Reform on its success In having wiped out the name of Seddon from the West Coast representation after 43 years continuous service. But then didn't .Reform claim to have assumed tho mantle of Seddon? Piggishly, it had to go the whole hog even if lis opposi- ., tion meant throwing the hlatoilc seat > to accursed Labor! : : : : : : Father of Seven writes asking whether, if, as marriage is recognised as a gamble, he is entitled to sue for the recovery of the guineas he passed over to - a clergyman before there were seven, said payment having been made by cheque? "Critic* does not see how the cheque betting ruling at. Home can apply out here Advise .hlnrf to give dt a go. tx it ti One of the South Island Rugby, reps, has become the ' father of ta bounolog boy. Greet id«& for-rnmvt mer practice. ti ji ii It is uncharitable to say that Sir, Frederick Lang's favorite song lei "Auld Lang Syne." He would not oej sighln' if hi* aupportm had net] taken thing* too oeefly. \ ft it 11 In Scotland an "April Fool" l» known sea "Gowk." Bvwy Uttl* htt counts tn * telegram. tt n ii From tho Supply Stores window^ "Red Herrings, Best English- Cant be beat" The English oan, at any; irate. U ti ii A Dunedin publican reckoned that a sot of reflex mirrors would magnify the crowded appearanco of his main bar. Didn't work a darn; the only Scot m stood two hours waiting for the other chaps to turn it on for him. t: :: :t Now what does William Ferguson Massey think of things? Ho doesn't, si : : . : i Palmerston North is so much tickled by the now automatio telephones so kindly provided by George ShlrtclliTe that some of the folk up there want to have tho things patented. ft tt tt It's horrible tbo way some folk will boost about their infirmities. Here's a young chap who advortisos as follows In Wellington's best and only oven Log daily: WANTED: A POSITION OF TRUST An Ambitious Young Man Is desirous of securing a Position offering opportunity for earning n big uahtry. Htt.-» a sound character and a steelvice mouth: Prepared to commenco duty any dato In 1923. Wo don't know just where that opportunity to cam a salary of the size ho hankers after happens to be for tho moment, but maybe tho State Firo people could find him a job for tho next ten or fifteen years biting steel girders together whllo tho preliminary rlvettlng goes on. Mayhap tho motor wrecking company would put him on to biting nuts oft Ford cars. Usftful sort of cuss he must be, ©van if *» trine conceited.