"TRUTH" TALKS

NZ Truth, Issue 889, 9 December 1922, Page 4

"TRUTH" TALKS

l\ VJ^. Man at the Corner" is a bit Christmassy, I ji^^M •■ but he still finds occasion for airing his ihevit- t^MWfr ; able grouches. He is annoyed at the übiqui- /iffll* tous street collectors, and has a grievance about l^^*\*f«^ %l the timber m his bedroom, which he says is not I^HIMJi ; oak but only near-oak. Also he has butted m ' ; unwisely on certain Magisterial happenings, hjis liflr^rtdeveloped a Taupo thirst and got a hunch that T&lwlf there is something wrong about the credit «ys- |Ew terns. And he wants Xmas community singing. j$A|L \

STREET PESTS. The "Man at the Corner" was furtively peeping round the, corner when "Truth" saw him last, apparently ready to efface himself m an instant. "Come forth, man," roared "Truth," "we're not going to put the nips m." He took a hasty glance to right and left and stood forth. "No," he whispered, "you're not. No one can sting me. I'm proof against the slings and arrows of outrageous nippers." "Aren't you well?" "As far as health. goes I'm a millionaire, tout its these collection boxes and raffle tickets. Whatever happens now its 'pass the hat.' Good heavens, if Prohibition is carried they will colJect the revenue m boxes and a man will have to buy a badge for a dollar v to. be safe." "Well; you don't have to come to light at every box you pee. Some causes are worthy; if they're not, just walk past and say to yourself, 'blessed is he that doesn't give.' ".

"Yes; but a mttn would look a bit of a stiff. These peoplo stick the box right under your nose. You have to fork .out or jump over the top of it. Don't you think a man's got to make every sprat a close prisoner these days without worrying about other people's affairs? I wish they would get Up a collection to build .me a house." "There's something In what you say. At Christchurch the other night a City Councillor reckoned that the frequency of the street collections was such that they were becoming an unmitigated nuisance, and so general -was the obnoxious practice that manyinstitutions were becoming solely dependent on this means of subsistence; and another joker reckoned' the streets' were being turned into a 'Paddy's Market.' The City Council there is going to consider it next meeting. They might do it everywhere m the Interests of the suppression of unnecessary vexation to already harassed Wage slaves. Good morning, 'Man at the Corner,' " and, politely raising his hat to a lady friend barging down on them with a, collection box, "Truth" leaped into a passing car and fled the spot NEAR.OAK AND PROFIT. {'Well, we are glad that you came along at last, 'Truth.' Been waiting for this visit for weeku past, and the wife's right glad you didn't come before to-night, because It ia only today that the brand new oak fallal came to hand." "That it there?" "Aye. bonny, isn't it?" "Very finished. But what w«te tho cost?" "Fairish. Ask the wife when she* comes m. ' But, anyhow, why do you ask? Anything fishy about tho Wok of it?" . "Nothing fishy. But, to be quite candid, looks to us somewhat bluegummy." "Ye gods! You're right." "Unfortunately, we'd seen something like that before. Looks like oak when it's nil done up with stain and polish." "But it won't wear like oak." "Oh, yes It will, and a derned sight faster than oak; and, what's more, it will chip better than oak, shrink Hko the devil, and, lose its dash within v couple of months. But it sells all right." "Well, don't you think that's an outrageous piece of hide?" "Certainly it Is. But how did- you buy it," "Saw it m the window, liked the look of it, and told 'em to send it along." "Ask for oak?" "No, thought it was oak." "Can't Bee what you are going to do about it. We suppose those poople sold it to you as furniture, not as oak furniture." "Now, if there's one thing I hate ; it is to bo advertised ns n fool, but j this time. l will bo really obliged If you will advertise the fact. Might help others to pick their stuff with marked Judgment." FROM THE SHOPMAN'S POINT OF VIEW. "What's your opinion. 'Truth, 1 of a man who overhears ao much and then stands closer to hear tho lot?" ■■ "Our ofllcinl and editorial opinion Is that he's a low hound, a miserable blighter, who will hear no fjood of " "Take it easy, I was the miserable bllphteh" "Our opinion stands. . But what did you hear?" "A barney between a shopman, one of tho little men, nnd a chrip with vlßions of an account. Something 'Ikn this: Chup with visions: 'Mornln.* I want to op«n a monthly account, pnyablo on tho 20th of the following month, with 2 l £ por cent, discount.' Little shopman: 'I bow: nnd, of course, you would want me to supply otoroH up to tho 20th?' 'Sure thins, A fellow has to have tucker. to live." 'Mow much enn you cat In a goodKlsml and avomjeo month? 1 'A flvor's worth.' 'So you'd bo X'O down before I wns up twopence' 'Right enough: near enough. to:i.' 'So you ask me n*.n. Hhoprnan to rM*. "unfo .vo" -''0 '-n Instalments. What's the security?" ■Lord lummi'. whoever hoard of a Khopkeopor pptlln* ;»-curHy? Why, fhirn it all, I'm frivinjr you tny custom.' 'Still you want nn advance of £3 and then ttonw discount.' 'I don't want caKh; goods'll do mo.' 'Do you reckon *omeone wives mo the muff, or do I havo to pay for ft so that I enn hnnd It out to you on crr ,/Vr .-nnd nt n discount?' •Well, dnrn It nil, you mako a profit. don'i you?' •Not bo In sj nltn&cthcr nn oriMm<>nt«l fool. I tlo: alno there nn? a few chRXRos Hko In'orP*^ rc'M. liKhtlnu'. Ofltv^ry costs tuul fojth* liior<;. nnd if Ihcre m nnythln? owr thnn I r*rkon It pbooUl rouni :\h wwrjp*. Now ?'ll put a pinpo«(tton to .yon. Yott Icul rn<- v f?v*»r. I won't r'v'i> wmi yt»fnrln* nt-fl I won't s\*k you to p.-iy m^ 2»6 «ll«<*ount. hot if i il«i \>\v !i-"': .'ii'it'r t'.vH 1 ." mn'illH you enn pick tip "'^ for eleven „,r , . „*,... JTfiV <*O Vrt-I Hk(* it?" •What Jo you take mo for? No

security and interest for eieven out of the twelve.' ■ 'Well, then, Mr. Prospective Customer, you just walk away and have a -quiet-think •on the prop, you put up to me and then come back and pay cash.* \ n."?J^K?. aa ~ ne * r as l can remember It, TrUth.' Did nic a certain amount of good. Now and again I've had the hWe to. ask foi- credit from a little maK Think I'll stick to cash now on, •.••-•.• i THE XM AS TOUCH. "What sort of a warbler are you; 'Man at the Corner'?" •■,-■'.- "Pretty rotten/ thanks." "Good, then you're the chap for the community singing. It's for the people .that like to lift up their 1 voices In fcsbng— everybody" does — Und yet aren't drawing room songsters." "That's all light. I know all about it. . Didn't I used to bellow some at ' the Town Hall? But it's all over now. There's not going to be any more.*' "That's where you're wrong. At Christmas time thoy f re having some more; all the old Christmas carols, all about Yule logs and , good King Wenceslas, and the cheery old stuff, you know. They're starting about ■the Thursday before Christmas. Better go along.".. "Yes: I think I will. I've forgotten most of those old things now, but I suppose there will be a few leaflets?" 'That's it. They .tell me a chap named Silver, bit of a bustler he is, is taking a hand m it. He'll see it goes right m Wellington." > "Well, It's not a bad idea. It's up to someone to set something of the sort going, m some of the other big centres and keep up the old traditions*. The hot Chrißtmas puddings and the mighty dinners seem to be a thing of the past, and it's no wonder; but the. carols oughtn't' to 'be forgotten." , . . SHARP AND SUDDEN. "Ttell me, 'Truth,' "what can a man do if he hears his friend torn to ribbons by a Magistrate too Impatient to hear the whole or the story?" "Depends upon several things. What were the leading facts?" ; , '"Twas . not any great matter, excepting In principle. A carrier friend owned a hbss that walked along the King's highway of its own free will and later walked into the pouniat the will of tho ranger of those parts." "Horrible. Now, Mr. Man, if you have nothing more serious m your head to worry over, we have. Again let us remind you that this is our busy day," • "Hold hard before you point doorwards. The man who owned- the horse naturally said it was his horse and- he admitted that it had been impounded, and if he had not the poundkeeper would have said so for him. Seeing that it had been impounded It followed that it had beert wandering at large In the way that hosses do." "Well, what's the growl about? There's the law, and the law says that the owner of wandering stock shall contribute so much to the Treasury, .according to circumstance* and past performances." "The growl is this: This friend of mine pleaded guilty and asked permission to call a man sitting at the back of the Court. Then and there the Beak shut him up right emartly with ten bob and costs. .Another word or two Ayafc mentioned, and' the Bench bellowed at him, 'Say another word and I'll give you seven daya.' The hoss man shut up." . 1 "Well, just who was the man who sat m Court waiting to bo called?"

"He was a second party who had gone to the Court of his own accord to say that he had left the gate open. I'm not laj'tng- it down that that explanation would have absolved the hoss man from all blame, for the law says the owner of the offending beast must put up the money — though xhere is a vague idea m my mind that a decision m an unlit car light case might reflect upon wandering stock as well— but the sharp and sudden methods may be carried a little too far at times.* Now. if that man had called m a- lawyer he would havo had his hearing." "Why didn't ho; It's cheaper m the long run." Because ho had had some considerable faith m those who sit upon the plush. No doubt he'll have one next time." A TAUPO THIRST. " 'The Mnn at the Corner,' where have you been?" "Up to Taupo, 'Truth. Just got back." "Feel quaky?" "No. thirsty." "Oh. that's nothing new."

"No: put I've £< )l something to toll you about thoHO 'quukoa. Thero weren't 'nay nuukaa worth tiilklng about. Those lulum-s that «c:ilcd away only used tho : <iua}«o.a a^ a swl!. They went to v plntro whoro a working nuvn can got v booze. Do yuu know that" a nip of whisky at Wairakvl costs Is 3d and that tho boor kIj'XH' 1 " are Pawn olt to the height, of j>uMurt7" "Oh, that'd crook." "Yi).i, it l», You Know Its only tho head* that ko touring round there, and tIR-y don't liku h:<ndloH. Funny ihJntf woiiw of Jhctto Jokers, hard hualntnb m«.i>. too, don't Jik« v lot of be>or for rlxjwncc. They toll mo thoKC Taujm guys druinod tho pint potu m Auoklund juict n tr«at. Every timo •new.« nimc of another 'qunlco they hart pint nerve uteadiors for sixpence. They're hoj»in?r there'll be another shake übout Christmas timo."