THE CRITICD

NZ Truth, Issue 818, 16 July 1921, Page 1

THE CRITICD

A nobody: A prominent woman's hubby. ' . . „ ' ' ; . . . - ■ . . ••-".-- „ \- .- £he one loophole m the law that nobody likes: The noose. : : : : : : The slump has come -when some men are selling their motor-cars to get on their feet. : : : : ! : '. "Critic" attended a "wee Scots nicht" t'other evening. He is now firmly convinced that bagpipes should be made a notifiable disease. Burglars who broke into a Wellington house recently are reported- to have had a bath before leaving. Evidently the idea was to throw the police, off the scent. The problem of how to make Germany pay seems to be a bit of a hurdle to the Allies. Why not let them take over the New Zealand , Income Tax, Bill? The exclusion of Roberts from the first New Zealand repi^esentative team to meet the Springboks has resulted m such a storm of denunciation being hurled at the three gentlemen who selected the team (and left- out Roberts) that "Critic" opines that it will be necessary m future to select selectors to choose the selectors to makfe the selection of the select. Some more about the "pore" farmer. Justice McCawley across the Tasman says: " ■ . . On the pastoralistsV own figures, wool is not only worth much more than m the pre-war period, but also much more than the present cost of production, » Which shows what reckless ana lurid liars the men on the land can be, when backed by their paid apologists of the piute press, v *s :: Lawyer Alpers. of the Holy City, m an interesting lecture on Samuel Butler the Second (author of "Brewhon" and other unorthodox books)' told a good story about Edward Fitzgerald, first editor of "The Press." The late Fits was contesting an election at Lyttelton. He was being badly heckled by a local butcher who had achieved fame as the first proprietor of a sausage machine m the province. The man of flesh expressed a wish to have the candidate m his sausage machine, m which event he would -make mincemeat of him while 'he coughed. The candidate pas not abashed, and gave the soft answer of Scripture In telling Biblical phrase as follows: "Is thy servant a dog, that thou shouldn't do this thing?" Popular government and democracy as they are found to work m the interests' of the worker across the Tasman : The Commission which sat taking evidence m order to .fix a basic wage for the Commonwealth, cost the Federal Government £22,000, in salaries alone.., . ' . And after they had-, with much brain sweat, fixed the basic wage, the unruly thing wouldn't stay fixed. Arbitrator Hunt, after weighing all the evidence brought before him for. and against the adoption of the . basio wage, declared that it was far too much for any man to b^ paid. Hunt's salary was only £2000 a year, over six, times the basic wage for one man. Talk about comic opera! No wonder the scoffer says of democracy that the emphasis is on the "moc." :: :: :: A French sailor was brought before the Beak at Lyttelton for being found drunk. Although m the nick for having too much "Scotch," it was thought the man had no English, and as there waa no interpreter on hand a court official tried a little English-Frenoh, and asked the prisoner the question: "Voub avez'buvais yesterday?" H© parleyvood m yam, however, for Jacques only looked puzzledi. The linguist tried again* "Us dit ybus avez buvais yesterday?" he said. \'Je ne comprend pas," replied the Frenchman. A John whose knowledge of the world is greater than 'his linguistic acquirements, got - the court out pf the blind . alley by interjecting, "Hey. Henri, was you drunk yesterday?" The response was instantaneous. "Out, yes," quoth Henry, grinning broadly; "Ver' dronk." In consideration of a hearty laugh the Bench let the matelot go free.

The truthful politician some morePresident Harding, Chief Fugleman for Fat. m the land- of Uncle Sham, said the other day, when m a selfrighteous Pharisaical mood: If all of the nations were unselfish and devoted to such ideals as those of the United States and Canada, there, would never be another • war. I desire to call attention to the fact that. America and Canada haye. setr. tied their controversies satisfactory ily without resort to super-power, but by the exercise of the sovereignty of free peoples dealing, -with one another. . That found a place m the columns of the "Daily Drizzle," having 1 . been clipped from some patriotic 'Murkan exchange by the snub-*editor. Then the spoil-sport oable-fablers placed the following cabl e alongside it m the, next column j . . .. The Ways and Means Comm/tytfee / of the House of Representative^'has ; included m the permanent tariff measure a duty of 25 pef cent, on lumber imported from Canada. This - tax equalises that which has been imposed by Canada on lumbar from the United States. There is' bitter opposition on th© part of the agricultural and building interests. And if any further evidence of .the Jew-niteci States' friendship for-Can-ada fee wanted an examination" of her teif£ taxe» will provide $V'a«pl6nty;

Hostilities have ceased m Ireland, and the crime wave has subsided. 1 however, still believes there > are a few people left there who are i guilty "of being innocent. . . : When . thieves fall .out, if honest people do. not always get their own » they often learn what has become of \ the. swag. Aussie Semator Guthrie. who is also manager for Dalgety and Company, and ought tolknow what he-.,, is talking about, says: '■• The price of wool, has nothing to do with the price of clothing.' The, cost price of wool m a suit is only* five shillings and> threepence. I have no 'hesitation 'm. saying '< that the manufacturers an-dV big shopkeepers have been robbing" the ' people. "Have been"? Strewth! Does he think :.. they have repented,' and are -now -ity- . ing like honest men. arid, giving the . people value for their mdney? \ But what of the kings.?* whose trade brings the Dajgety Compiany its"** profits? Do they not rob bbth the shearers and the /shorn?. The\ woolclip .averages about nine pourras to the sheep, worth.' one shilling] per pound. The shepirer gets threepencehalfgghny for sharving ; the, sheep, jleav> j ing eight shillings and eightpience- J halfpenny per fSieep If or Mac Mutton .'} I Yet sooner than pay the shearers * an- •; other halfpenny pec s*h^eep, less than ' the eighth of a jpeiiny per pound of wool, the wool icings would' paralyse' industry by letting th'e»sheep'\ go unshorn for ai season. i . ■ '-' i : >■ :- ! : '' 3 " : :' And m, the k face '• of \'- the above out J Tory contempjorary 'has the damned cheek to, dish, up the following doleful dope to Its dilly readers: The are too prone tar < tmagnif.y -trivial disputes and to make /mountains out of molehills. ■Yet ifjfthe shearers were to shear the sheep -'for "nix" it would mean an increaße to the owners of less than <a halfpenny^per pound on-^their wool. l£v -: would btv more equrtable as well as . more profitable £or thfe shearers if they were to demand a penny per pound on the wool clip, instead- of so much per •hundred sheep- shorn. It would serve tolshov/ the public how little the shearer has been getting rout of it m the past. ...

The annual/ report of the Cawthron Institute, states that that lavishly endowed Nelson' institution is conducting a campaign aimed at the destruc- "s tion of pests. Anyone supplying the address of • the who writes the Welfare League articles will be performing. a national and too -long- dc- v layed service. , ... , "W.G.H.," or an Out-o'-Wprk Return* ed Digger, bemoans the war-time sha« male, clerk still sticking to her job: WOMEN AND WARRIORS. Such women they were -when the world- war was. ; raging! A solace to soldiers and sailors at ' work; ' ; Demolishing. * sure, the gory, old staging, ' „ . . Erected by Austrian, Teuton, and Turk. . Thought nothing of banking the home-? fires burning, , - ' Their comforting flicker repaying expense; Thought less of the labor involved Iri ' their earning • \\ The pay of our Diggers, who marched , gaily hence.. .. • .-•'■ U They stuck to their /stools like hens ,1 incubating, Or cutlets courageous scorning the ! grill; Made eyes at the "Misters" when' not titivating. -i Alas I and the' shams of. it— Btickin'gf • there still!:. . • . Not an office /In town, 'be it' publid~"toV private, . ■ ! But . reeks -with the .presence p4 powder and paint; ; .1 They're there, and you'll know it, beY fore you arrive at • \y The status 'of either a , devil : W J saintl, . , '. , ',- -< „<* To prove/ this assertion, pray numberthe strapping .. • Young/flappers o'er crowding tb*r , mbrn's maleless/car;, , ■ *. • -] EJxcepting one specimen, ready lor J scrapping , ._.«? With other/ war> relics KaroriwawS-' " far - .-■./ . . i ' . ;'.. Believe it, or not, if the damsels now' reigning, . ' Should' drown m their deluge bur "dietiards,"* half-dead, They'd rise m a body, man's duty^dia* daining, And never/a Digger/a damsel would wed! "Hi! What is a woman?" these war- - riors query; - - "Supplanting our services since the long strife"? (A question to puzzle sly mediums eerie;, Yet, all shall be known when^ each . taßes one to wife). 'She's the dupe of the dentist, the draI per cash-greedy, Of chocolate counters, and hairforcing frauds; . Complexion restorers, to' sirens gone seedy, • ■, And a feminine /Tretter for jewellery gauds! :.■ f ■ Should. . . "one ''in a thousand" belie such aspersions, • And snipe a lone heart from Cupid's coy trench, "Hands up" to her arms! abandon ooercionsi Affection's fond firing no bawase eon Quench!,