THE CRITIC

NZ Truth, Issue 771, 14 August 1920, Page 1

THE CRITIC

The weigh of the world: The pound sterling. :: s: :: When you pay a compliment always take a receipt. The one thing ono always gets at a public dinner: Buttered toast. :: :: : : The Sydney "Morning" says: All slaves of th© British Empire became free men m 1838. Some news. Yet he was no doubt a wage-slave who wrote it. :s :: !l Dilly heading from the Glasgow "Daily Record": Reported Glut In Butter. That is the ono thing m ' butter to which "Critio" has no objection. Let's hope It will spread. ii :: ii .; Mr. Austin Hopkinson, M.P., declared recently that: War has made rank a mockery and wealth a shame. Yes. the titles cast, about during the war were rank mockeries, ana it's a sham© about the wealth, made by the war. zt !! :: The. authorities In Ireland, finding It difficult to get recruits for the Royal Irish Constabulary, which is now mostly composed of Englishmen and Scots, lately put up m Dublin a number of recruiting posters concluding with, "Join the Army and see the World." The Sinn Feinners, or their friends, posted under these, "Join the Royal Irish Constabulary and see the next world." n ,m v Dilly double column heading from the "Noo Zee Times": MR.- MASSEY DEFENDS THE MINISTRY. * If thi3 is such a startling fact, what will the "Times" do for an appropriate heading if Massey ever condemns his Ministers? They'd have to enlarge the paper. :; :: :: In reporting the Finance Debate collapse, the "Noo Zee Times" declares: The House was somewhat amused, and somewhat stunned. Somewhat "stunned," was it? "Critic" hastens to assure the Rev. John Dawson that his' henchman, Mr. Mayor Luke, was absent when the House was m that .compromising condition. It's an 111 wind that blows nobody any good. The net lasting result of the jokeys' strike has been the receiving by the Clifford girls of handsome presents from the sporting people assembled at Wellington, m honor of the part they took m getting Dad there, what time the firemen blocked his passage. Th B servile scribe slobbers: ' Miss Wena received a present of a crescent of diamonds, and Miss Jane' a sapphire, and diamond pendant. Both were inscribed, "Presented by the owners, trainers, and jockeys, July, 1920. Picton to Island Bay/ "Critic" congratulates Miss Wena and Miss June. To get presents of sapphires and diamonds for taking a Joyrida "with Dad" Is an exception these hard times, but, say, wasn't the Inclusion of the "Jokeys" at t.h 8 tail of that Inscription a bit of a joke, «ri? tt ;: :t "Rlcketty" Russell's paper has taken to saying nasty things about his old friends m the Liberal and. Labor parties. Referring to the hunting of the rhinoceros beetle, which came up m the Samoa debate, It says, m reference to Mr. Howard, that; Now that Teddy has lost hifl Trades Hall 1 Job this should be a catch for him m the political offseason. But Ted Howard fievftr "lost" his Trades Hall Job and Russell's rag in' saying so Ib guilty ot libel- Bu t what of "Ricketty's" well-paid ministerial billet and his Job m the National Gas House? True, h© gave the former up, though very reluctantly and with exceedingly bad grace, while out of the last-named, he was emphatically and j moat incontinently "bumped l" list M Th© "Woman m Print," In our railsitting contemporary, says: : Women's gowns are being designed to show % a normal female figure. , Wasn't that what women's gowns always -were designed to show. Certainly, for as long a.s "Critic" can remember they have not been designed to "hide" the normal or any other type of feminine figure. i: :: t: From the feminine figure to the feminine face may not be as easy a transition as vice versa, but "Critio" is a hardened sinner and It costs him never a pang. Talking about the feminine face the use of cosmetics thereon, the writer of "Woman's World," m the Christchurch " 'Specked' - tater," pays the females of the Flat City a backhanded compliment. She says: Nobody possessing moderate eyeBight will deny that the majority of Christchurch girls uses lots of powder and rouge; but most of them undoubtedly benefit m appearance. Of course, there are exceptions. . . . "Of course!" But the exceptions are few ,and far between. If the fright* — tut, tut! — sights "Critic" saw when" last In Thackertown were fair samples of the faked feminine face, and these were "undoubtedly" improvements on the Creator's handiwork, the "moderate eyesight" of the Christchurch person must be m the last stage of myo"pia or. gawdelpus! He must a made an awful botch o* His Job! •

Some f onhs of paganism are preferable to heathen Christianity. it it :: True religion :^ Not that whr<m makes it easier to die, but which help a man to live. till s: It ia easier to tell the truth than it is to get tiie truth believed. :» si :: „ What no dairyman can adulterate:." The milk of human kindness. " ii ii Virtue is not Its own reward; If it were it would be as common as vie*. The difference between fixed stars and shooting stars: The one are Suns* the other Darter*. '■'• n it Religion fetters, faith relaxes, science sets free. Thus Mr. P. Willocks, m "The Sleeping:. Partner": The novelist who can spin out the pre- nuptial agony the longest, ia the one that succeeds best with the women. M'yes. So's the woman iwho succeeds best with the men. :: :: -• Come to think of it, can the Canterbury Council of Churches' suddenly awakened interest m the Jookeys hiv arisen from a decision to look on racing with a kindlier, a y« owing- to the Prince's little flutters -whilst m Noo Zee? S! :| * * ! The report of the District Commission of the Girl Guides, says the Glasgow "Daily Mall," states: "We have lost seven valued officers by marriage and other accidents. Marriage is not an accident, it la 4 carefully laid plot, and the Girl guides!, !! is t: A member of Parliament whispered to "Critic" the other day that Mr. Massey had confessed to him that during the railway strike auite a number of the Government officials had slept m their offices. "Critic's" reply was that if that were so then the strike had failed, as its purpose was to wake them vp — they had been sleeping m their offices too long. »! :: :s Th© Tanks are now making brick* of straw and mud. as m Bible days, while four hundred Britons, led by a F.R.G.S. coon, intend emigrating to Samoa to be cave and tree dwellers. "Critic" expects one of these days to read that Sir Oliver Lodge has stated that old Mother Earth has taken a. matronly kink to revolve "t'other way." Mr. Gladstone's famous phrase m connection with the framing of a Hom c Rule Bjll likely t o satisfy the claims of the rival factions m Ireland, that "it passes the wit of man," we . are told by British exchanges, was used by almost every speaker on the Opposition side of the House. One nev member, who had not got into his talking- stride mixed it a little and declared that Its wit passes that of man. Praps; but its humor does not seem to appeal to the Irish, though the outcome of its proposal has, no doubt, left to much "devil's laughter." :: :: :• "Shamfight" sends along the fol« lowing screed on THE "BORED" OF TRADE. With what pathetio hope we cling td Parliamentary action, While knowing that It never brings US any satisfaction; To justify our business deals we've 1 now .lost all ambition, We delegate that honor to the smiling (politician.. Thus evermore we d/ift apart and fos«» ter dire confusions, Instead of using our good sense, w« trust to State delusions; And now tho latest subterfuge bj> whioh we are waylaid, Is the politician's camouflage they've called (< th a 'Bored* of Trade." The housewives really must believe ittf members great and cood — They missed the bit of flannel, buf they trapped th e Mellin's Food; They haven't yet contrived a way tbti larger rooks to block, But they managed to get something off the price of someone's clock. The way they roam the country get-ting-notes is most sublime, And, peradventure to our cost, they'rf having a good time, Scoring get-rich-quick traders, as thej; move from scene to scene, And taking captive on the way a pof o' vasoline. This most Imposing Bored of Tradi (presumes to values know. They're paid high fees, that honest fojka may get their quid pro ouoil But should their services turn out t2 v b e a little dear. X ■ Who'll say that they are Just quite a* bad as any profiteer? I'm glad the Chairman's come to feel his conscience rather keen Excuses m the papers makes the fare* more easily seen; If statements of accounts were mad« on which we could rely We might find the profits of the Bored' unreasonably high! n And the latest proposition, we're to swallow like a pill, Is the levy to big interests m a futuri Trading Bill; I'm afraid that Bill is trading on out ■docile want of sense, To put a shilling m our pouch he'd take out eighteen pence. Since the men have worked and waited with more patience than old Job. It's good to see the womenfolk beginning to unrobe — That Is. are taking off their coats— tut, tut,— l mean their blouses, May they wallop Bill and party tfll we've cheaper food and' houaeo!