New Zealand's Tarn Next.

NZ Truth, Issue 472, 4 July 1914, Page 1

New Zealand's Tarn Next.

Press and Politicians Pxajte wtile theMeatTrast Prepares to Plunder they Peopled v ,;'

• Tlie i^pi^©r6)jta>fb /^c6a.se in^the ,prl.c6' ; :'of ?,ttie^t?;tS>causing- much consternation In N -the breasts of" the. wbnien of; the wbrk'irig-, clfisaes., -.'lo."' say nothing of the workliig "men themselves, ,who have to earn thevmpnej'^wherewlth the homes of the wiv£s 'of the workers are' kept going. There is ;goodvr%son to believe that much of this ostonlahlng Increase jin' the "price of m^t. Is .the tt result of^.the machinations of ,a ' branch of the cormorantlc corporation caHedi'tie^nierlcdniMeat .Trjist T ,;Tb,is Tfust t has bled the Amerlcaa producers, to jtiie'utmdst;;:'dnd jridw-ift^eek^-apparently, to -do the !same with regard to", the peopieV of tHe'Gbi^ohw^alttf.of 'Aiis^raiia^ ...-..;. '' Unfortunately, however, the. Jfea't; Trust isvifaVptied^ytthe, Machinations of pari>*' politicians. It' is pUrt bf/tKe> pbliflcal tstbck r 'iHitradl of the Labcirlsts; to pretettd' that nothing can; )>e done^againstv/TrUsts 4 ttntif-,the- Federal^ Const,itutlon Is k\- . . tered; ; while It^ia^ also .pat"t of. the 1 stock-ln-lritae. pf'the^l*ibeta,lß tq'pr^tenil that : -,;i*O:\Troist£?.estfsV.in;-Austry it Is also ,■ a vfact that existing st&tUtes.'^both ; State and J^deral.-glVa; power to' Government»" 'to-crurb^the operations; <jf those .Trusts. , Defects, ttiith^ve been disclosed m the, fPederal'iaws against T|iista/could' 7 be. ; :made up.for. for -by legislation. There is already an aatl-Trust iawon, the statute books of New South Wales, but no* attempt seems eyer to have been-' made, either by. .Labor ■6r r l,}b'eral Governments,; to enforce that law. • AleanwhUe, "]Labpri;s.ts ,howl\fpr 'enormou^ powers, , that are quite unnecessary, for the purposc'or dealing with Trusts, while Liberals declare that' Trusts do 'not exist In Australia;" Yet,"^ll 'thc'sahie, poor' AtfatraUa finds that : ; the amount of tooney that .he has' to -«hell out to that Trust thAt does' not exist is tremendoiisly: and' ruinously^^ large.^: : ./ v . , . , •;..'>-. '.'....■ - -

Notice of, Motion — The locomotive whistle. ■ ■. '*: '■ ■• ••■,' ' ;;•>■■■'.- '■' .•'-.■•.' >An : obedient wife ; can ■ always command her husband. • ; ' ;/:;;:; \~> „*' \- - : ;*• vy - ■ .*" '. ' : v •/' iFiles his bill before he -puts m his "claim— The mosquito. 7 ;- '- '." .:• * '*.:■• ','•" ■'.'■■ • ■'. ' ,' Making bo,th_ ends meek— Baby with its^toej-in-its' mouth. ./:■-•,■"■•■...;*" ..;'■ .:■■'•■<■■ :-. '*-.;'■■ ' \iThe knut always gives a canded opinion of his "spanner." • '■: , ■ • * '''■•*■'■ '•■■'■• .. '.. AH men aro not homeless, but some are homo. less- than, others. ; ■ ■'•■ ,' / • ' - ■: ••■■-•/ •" "v • ' . 'When light work's heavy-— When you're a. stoker m tne gas works. ■ ■-■-. ■ ■ '-'^' ;i " ■. '■■■■:*■' ■■.; ■■• .' '.. 'Little beams of moonshine, • i Little hugs and kisses, sMake a little maiden. ' j> Change heivname to missus j ; ■ ; a resolution ; born every par - ; tide oif & secdnd, but the death-rate is the greatest on record, and very few of theni grow up into solutions. ' General Sherman said, "War; Is hell." . With ;U;S. Secretary of War barring s all drinks m, the army, the Yankee, swaddy thinks he. would find difficulty m expressing himself to-day. Suffragettes ; sent a - most abusive missive- to Premier" Asquith by carrier pigeon.' They should be prosecuted for-false pretences. The pigeon is the omen of peace. ■ , ' '.' ■■'■•' •'.-' ■' . : '+ . -"' ■ ' ♦ • , ■ ■•" Jznisa . h&yb pojyed^ie see^dleais orja^ge^ the s'pipleiOT I 'apptiß,f a^ ape now\ '^S^ffi^ipPj .^o^pro^ucjQs^n)?; "boneless" flshH' >^Bu£^^ 'Gorzbrie'ls anead Of -eni yet. This pominipn has produced; a brainless Ministry and 4 spinetesa •following.' ■ ■ - .* Most people look upon the Bible as •the most solemn and serious of books, but there is a considerable amount of humor m it all the same. At the Scotsbyteiriari kirk "Critic" finds grace -m attending, the minister took, for his % text last Sunday a portion of the thlr- ' teenth ..Verse of the thirteenth dhapter of . the First /Book of Kings, whfoh ho gave out as follows: — . • And he said unto his sons saddle ME the ass. So they saddled HIM. . _ . •■ ' , '.*■■ ; The incident recalled ; to "Critic's"' mind the case m which Tom Cooke, composer of "The Fine Old English Gentleman" was an oxpert witness. Asked to explain, how two %*ersions coulfl bo alike yet dif-' ferent, Cooke replied that . it was all . a matter of - emphasis. "For- instance," said he, -"if .1 said, 'You are ah ASS/ it would rest' on •asß'," said Sir James Scarlet, who tp&s as good at jokes as .Icames o' that ilk is at growing potatoes todaVi. "I see, an' gin I say "YOU arc an ass'/^t wud rest on 'you'!" ; .Who is Mr. Tinspn? According to a Mfiro m the Auckland "Scar," ho is a member of the Haouse, and just before Parliament opened, according to the same authority, ho. addressed. ». mooting of his supporters at Kltharn. At a; jargoly attended meeting hero (EJltham)', nt which delegates were prpßOn.t from nearly all parts of the'clectonitj, Mr. Tlnson, the sitting member, was unanimously chosen \om the Reform 'candidate to cohtoßt the. Eg«»ont seat. Mr. WilHiAßpn, M*P.i Js said to have romarKed, '•Oh, ElVham," , but "CriUc" fancloß'hc left out the last syllabic. »■**■[''> I:.-;- ■■'-.- - ;■•• , Apparently In the boodle line there ajrpjnofbottlo-srcen.wlnjsed insecta on i an ititjefunt AVoWser called Dan Craw-|ord-4^monnlkcr which is generally associated with Scotland's greatness — I according to the following;— Mr. Dan Crawford's visit to Cambridge on July 7th hoa been arranged oh follows: — Public address m the V.M.C.A. rooms at 3 < p.m.; 'collection, Public lecture, illustrated, In tho Town Hall at S p.m.; admission Is. Phji is going to got the usual collection for the V.M.C.A. address, and then is going to charge one roborto for his "illustrated" nddrcss. Wonder what a cinematograph address by Dan would cost? t • • • Noo Zllaml Wussleyan Wowsers ought to read, mark and Inwardly digest tho following from a chosen vessel and an elected flro esaipo: — A stir has boon caused m Auatrnllun Methodist circles by somo remarks made by the Itov. Henry Howard, of Adelaide, who. speaking at Ballarat, CAlled attention to . tho "kill -joy" element In religion. ' Some people, ho said, could not oven have a picnic w'thout tucking a prayer mooting to it. When re-jr lipi on stopped a man from smiling tho sooner It wsu» knocked on tho* head and In id out for burial tho better. Of course, tho row gon%. should not j have cxproiwod such dreadful scntlmftntM, and H m to be hoped that ho win bo hjuiled over the coils for them. Kveryopc of the Mothody pcrauiuslon known that; a cheerful countenance io, tho brand of; depravity and doc«lU

Slop-made— Police uniforms. \ ■ •• ■ ■■■'•'•'-■•' Obituary— A "back to -the land* notice. ,• • * If s6mo women' rested on their reputation they would bo cremated. ♦■- •- • Rainbow Darn says: he admits ho is a hero worshipper. Yes, and he is his own^ero?^v^^>/-v t .v/ Ij^*i.V1 j^*i.V' M ■ - ■ ""^ "/The, Trinity of Trials—^-The lawyer's law, the Boodler's maw, and the Politician's jaw. .*. - * * • . Green — The mental state of the worker who expects Massey to be. friend, the proletarian plugs. ■ • s ' ■ * ' •'•' The crocodile requires eighty seconds to turn completely round.. Darn Fisher can beat any crocodile. * Only one man was married the night before his marriage day — Adam; he was married- on his wedding Eve, '' • • •.'•' The fellow; who is always going to do the right thing to-morrow is the same as he who is sorry he didn't. dolt yesterday. v A native of Sleepy, Hollow. says:- — /'Nelson is progressing by leaps and bounds." "Critic" , imagined It got along by "hops." • ■ ■ * ■ '.*..-■. Merit or long service often count not m the matter of- police promotion. Better- by fnr bo a "white-hair'd boy! 1 every time, every time. .•■- • .#''■■■•■' "l aarmm r in principle, a Socialist," says ■ ,£ferd' Milher. "Critic" wonders what ho is m. interest. And 1 the Boer war showed he was no prophet • ' • * . ■ • Asked if it wns correct to say "The toast was drank m silence," a little girl said she wasn't sure, but she knew it couldn't be "eaten" m silence. • ■ • • A lettor-to- the- editor man n»Ks "Why tho Pacific doesn't rush Into the Atlantic at Panama?". "Crit ic" supposes \%'a bccaußo.it is "locked" but ■'••■ .■■ • ♦' • ■v % ';' When a man is thrown on his own resources ho Is generally too much stunned to recognlsft tho fact and proceeds to fall back on those of his' friends. • • •■''•■ Tho German Kftl»or has forbidden his officers to deal with marriage brokers, on the principle "Critic' presumes, that commissioned- men must not have "comralßsloncd" wives.,. . • • • -T/hus thc daily Ananias:— •Mr. Hurst, editor. of tho "London Kconomißt." roundly condemns the arming of merchantmen, arguing that tho gamo is -not worth tho candle. Well, "Critic" dunno, but should Imagine ' that the 'merchantman who landed the other hooker a slog m tho "candle" with v -1.7 shell would be able to get up and yelp loud delight. ■'..• '• • • Tnusly an exchange about Booth's Blood and Boodle Brigade: — Interesting changes. ore to be Introduced into the uniforms of the bfflccre of the Salvation Army, th« intention probably botng to bright>en up tho distinctive dress. Tho ' tops of tho men's caps arc to be red and color Is largely to enter Into the collar of the tunic. The red bands of the "women's hats are to be longer and mo™ m evidence. The changes In the uniform aro to ' be world wide, and como into operation almost immodlntcly. Well, when tho niusmllons m the clobber cpmo off. Hooth's brigadiers), of bath Hexes, will look »om<j\vhtti of a crow between a Christmas tr«e and &•. Ure briK?ido. Their uniforms ura ridiculous enough now, but the extra splosh of color will junt About cottar tho »o<lft-scoac» - j'

The sun— A thing that casts shad*. ows, ? • * • Flappers J^vorltc Flowcrs—Glad-U 01-ua. *. » • There are the tangolsts and' the tank-o- late,' and tho tango-teasers, and tho tanko-twistere. ' •• • ' ,#-.. 'CgMtt^fejt salt! that a man took th«lair'toto His own. hands because h.4 kicked a peeler? - - * « -a " • ' Thrift— A habit earnestly enfolhetf upon pooplo who have nothing, bjf those who have too much. * - * * A thief charged tho other day with stealing a lady's richly-stoned ring, admitted that he had swallowed it,^ A.case of a diatnohd m tho rough. i ■■■■.•■'.. , * ' ' : ' : *■'.'■' '"-m""' :' ' • : ' 'Abram Lincoln said "You can't fool all the people all the time." .' TrttV but "Critic" fancies quite a lot of folk make a; very, good living out of foolIng somo of the people some of the time. * . ■»■■ *j. ■■ ■-'♦■ ■-;. ■ " I( the British House of Commons doesn't dispose of Homo Rule once for all and get on to another job, West* minster will be getting referred to as Rcstrainster. • . ...-■• #.-_-• It is only when she is offered an o»i---■gageniient ring that the telephone girl will not be'tomul out of call. It Is ten to one that she will be found ready with her rccoiver, m fact. ; .'•■■•■■ *.-•.■ • The "Moaning Times" is continually pointing out that Massey has broken all, w oil nearly, all, tho promises +19 ever made. That doesn't trouble -Big Bill— he can make others just as good! »■•■'• • > It was a. Yankee pafcer trying to bo smart that headed its births, marriages and deaths column. "Hatches, matches v and dlspatchoa." It could have done it better with three monosyllables— Veils, bolls, knells. „.„■ '■'.' ■ »■ - ' A -Harvard professor ban discovered that telephone girls become heavily charged with electricity- durJng tb» winter. That's nothing to worry about. Telephone subscribers are ovorchawy edallili.- year round,', * '■■ * ' Vy *"*^- "V** Advt from hjchmu 4y<?klan<l "BUr"i Young lady wants Washing twice, weekly.— J.D. '.- > There's a show for fcoino omblUoui young rhop; you never know what «C> Job Hko that will lead to. ; • - •■ ■■' ■■;■:•'■■• •■" r A ■ There aro enough' jokes about! red noaea.lo put their owners In the bluwi 0 ' their booming puff, but ono Critic" heard t'other' Saturday hnd the merit of being original. Il« ™T V l^\ thc Cotton. acid; >w«. In* before the match commenced. Standng near ••Crttlc" was a young^nan 2" )'<*y ™* beak. A facetious fellow about .to. -nit doV.i turned and mldrosHcd him: "HI, sonny!" qnld he. iimju mo your noac-1 wunt to tlry this «o.n with It!" ■■• ' ** » ■"' Which reminds "Critic" Unit it luia *e«.n mild that v mane characUir, cun . »>« discovered from the shape, WnglS.. """ co «ory of Uio nose-ii stateoiont o|>«n to serious argument A red no»« »» IfoncrrUly accepteiLas JJic owblom ot no man who indulges In "tho win* ll ' M »»toxi<yitog. n Hut imefrjli lipt ffl; w»ys the 'case. Thc Immortal O\i«« nurnamed Naso, had a bottl? no»<|3 yct,from wh«t "Critic" knows of his personal hablbf, )io wns n irtdderat* indlvidiuiij, Nnpolcon'* »o«e wu» *x- * qul«Jt«iy chisflllctl, sculpturCMMO^ln mould, form, and expnswlon. Mo was worn to my . "Qiv^mo a man with P'^Jty. of nose!" Rut ho •al.fl, : lt;p8fl« too often, The Iron Duke noted tor W* Immttnso no»«, answ««^ t|j ° fW" »«o«o. with tho result U»*t Naw>l<tf*», "ftd his noso put out! . kOOTTH tbttU : 7

Old Grannie says "There is no Trust;" 1 Existing now within the land, V When on a' leader- writing bust, »' The notion fronrher mind she's -banned; She'd ma.ke us one and all believe, ■ - s ' That prices put on us are fair. - The things are quite cheap^weTrecelve 't •> To talk' of Trusts; how, do we dare-? <. j For Granny is a'wealthy Jade, } • , /

And all good things on earth can eat, And. naturally. SHE'S /not afraid. Whatever is the prfcip v oif'n)«at! v '- * ■-' The Trußt coves ure.you know, iiervfrlends (Oh, Grannie Is a sty^ ojd cat) t v- . . j And so, of course, she. always* leifds," , ■.". Her help to Boodlo Bags and Pat. This Moat Trust, though, is surely here. Its workings have quite come -to passY If Grannie don't think so. 'Us clear* As crystal to tho working class; Bat Bill Jones knowsf and Tom Brown too, And so docs Pat, amj Jock,- and Mick, Who want of beef a pound or two. To give them strength to swing the , pick. The housewife now, with; troubled face, Twice nubby^s wages. she will need. If Btlll the prices upward race— With such a pack of kldajjo feed. •' Though countless millions stock we breed <The fact on us this Trust haa hurled), We'll have to buy tho beef we need > Prom dearest meat shop in 'the world. \VVH pay. at least a bob a pound, For steak, or chops, or slice- of pork.

For: sixpence, ithougJi," 'twill be broughi round- ; > . To people who live m Nevv; York. 1 .Ou'iv cattlo graze oh* countless hills, \Vhat good is that to ( you and the Now that this Yankee Meat Trust will That they'll 00 sold aero«B thy sea? That Trusty is round the (country noV, '•It's buyirig' every hoof and horn, It;sbuylng>overy bull atid cow, ■Also ' the Bl<s£fcjLtfst's not yet born Our cbe?p Meat' 3&ys, they now 'are ■ past Oh housewives heavy Is the bill, • . Australia, dimply .stands. aghast', ' ' ' ' Whilst Athfa" Trust works it's grasplni will. , . --'■■■ And our men sit m Parliament, ■ , And simmer m a state, of bliss, And seem to really bo content ' To see the people robbed like this. I The Laborites, they simply" stun i Us, as before us now thoy stand. And say that not 111 up can be done, To crush tills Trust from Yankeoland. What sort of men*. arer they indeed > For tlwlr electors* -rights to flgjht? Beneath them all- Itfsec^nits they need A hundredweight of dynamite. They have the power to slay this Tniot Or such another octopun, . - Yet we all eeo. to our disgust. Them watch It rob our people tbua. Our meat is going o'er the sea, - In tins, or ice. Jt'ti going faafe --*- ■ -^°- -^ Small wonder, ag^above. you see, Australia looking so aghast. . .-_ . ;■'.•■_— -Sydney "Tcutb.^