LONDON SIDELIGHTS.

NZ Truth, Issue 340, 30 December 1911, Page 8

LONDON SIDELIGHTS.

A London pastrycook, who had. been j "carry ins on"wit,h. a "tart,"', received .; such a teriblc s ' mauling Xrbm his.'wiCe < with i a flat-iron that he sought"' to . have her bound o\'er to keep the peace, j He will .probably.' be satisfied., with j home-made pastry for the future. . ] "Morning Post" .advertisement ; "A j begs a trial for y her 1-AUNDBY SPECIALIST IN. FLANNELS." • '•'. '■■ ' ■'."'.' This brings up a vision., of deah ! Lady Gwendoline displaying her plump, ! aristocratic-- form i to her Kensington pals m >well-shrunk. "jaegers" and.ex r claiming, "Weally, ', you . .must try. the creature; my deahs. I never felt so comfy about the legs m all ray . life, •pon my word!" A London parson has been pleading for- "freeuancL easy" church services. He reckons that. the. only way to entice the masses to church is ' to ;. let them do pretty well as they like when they get there. "VVeil, one iWilliam Halser got into v St. John's. .;. Church, Southehd,' drank the Commuhibn wine, mutilated the ghurch register, ;aestroyed the lectern, and- used the ajtar cross to prise; -open- a co)leclion J'.box^-alnd struck twelve months for sacrilege... But-per-haps William, was too free and easy. ■■ '-".'..'.'• ' * ' ' '*' ' '' ■'■ Mrs"Minsoh,.a Colchester (where the oysters come from) resident, celetaratedher loist birthday last Saturday^ andthe following day was able to walk to the parish church for service, where, at her request, the ' "Old Hundred'was sung.' Seems appropriate enough. How Australasian wowsers wonld.be shocked if this occurred out your way. The Holy Trinity Church, Abergavenny, last, week applied— and obtained--: from the local licensing bench - a-tern.--porary license for ; the ; sale of intoxicants" a-t the church's forthcoming 1 ba-. zaar. What a sight it must have been to see- the fat vicar pumping up beer for his thirsty parishohers,: and :«x-. claiming, after' the 'last raffle hadUaken place : "Weil, gentlemen, it's clos-iner-up .time. Have one with--- -the church before - you go I •■'. ■* • ■■■- \ '■ ■: '. V*. ;■;;; ..._■■■ •_. • . The "'struggle for a London crust.!; Reinhardt, the great "wordless play.; and" spectacular pantomime producer, recently advertised for a hundred old men with bald heads to take part m his bis: Christmas production as "aged citizens." Thousands applied instead of hundreds, but among the applicants were Quite a number who had-/clean-shaved their heads 1 "to get a job for. a few weeks at a few shillings a week; But what's hair to hunger ? - * * * ••• . The latest silk trade statistics from France show that during the .first nine months of the year silk exports were only. £ 9,956,000, compared, with £ 11.344J840 m this same period lastlast year. The reason for the shinkage is the tube — not : the "tuppeny toob" that Londoners ride in— but the tube skirt which fashionable women now effect, and which takes less material because it is tighter at the top than it is at the bottom. (This is a paradoxical way of putting it,.- too subtle, for the male mind to grasp, but every female reader will' readily understand what is meant.) But, strangely, enough, this shrinkage of material 1 has not brought about a corresponding shrinkage m prices lor feminine ap-, parel. Apparently dressmakers'. •• demands are bottomless, if the dresses aren't. : • : 41 ' w ■* The latest London discovery about Australasia is that the New Zealand people live m dread of the depradations. of a species of peculiarly fierce man-eating eels, which devour hapless swimmers when they go into, the water. The "Daily Mail" publishes. the following particulars -about ■this/:- dreadful fish :.'',." ■'-"■-.. ' ■ - ; ■•'•■'■ ■ : •■ -.-■■•--;- Many cases of bathers, being devoured occurred m ay rap.idly-. flowing river near an . out -station'' m New Zealand owned by a relative of ! Colonel Meysey-Thompsoh > vA.fter some time it was found that the fatalities were, due to the swimmers being seized by. eels-^which attain an immense size m these waters^ — and dragged beneath the surface: of the water. The bodies when -. recovered were invariably found to be partly eaten by eels. . : '■:..- New Zealand "Truth" readers 'please not.c, and don't go near the water ! Here's, how they poison the wretched London poor's babies. A man named Thomas Weller, summoned Ito court yesterday on .a charge of selling adulterated milk, gave evidence that; he purchased ih August milk- powders, to each tin of which "he - added six : gallons of water. .The .sample;- consisted of . this mixture.. ; The bench, m imposing the ridiciiipus. ;fine of £3 -dn this public poisoner of -infants, : r' said ■.that., the. public expected newf milk. The milk; . was , "new" . ehpugh^new chalk and, water, with a .vengeance. But perhaps the" .f ooL of a : b'6n.bh- meant- 1 .''fresh." What' queer, things "parsons do ' at times !. Here's a Kent sky-pilot, the Reyi O. 11. Grundy, M.A., . yicar of Brockley m that county,, confessing to his shocked, epngregation 6f.'.pld tabbies and clodhoppers that he is a. murderers Grundy told the staring-eyed yokels that m. his younger .days he used to follow the : !toaching of Cliar'les Kings- , ley, who said parsons should administer to the poor by personally . helpingthem when they were unable to help j themselves.. Accordingly, .Grundy, on j visiting an old woman who was bed- i ridden, and hearing from her that her I bed had -not been made for a. fort- i night, determined to "minister" to her ■ right away and do the muscular Chris- ')■ tian act.. There was a chest of] drawers m the. room, so,' to. use : his. : own expression, "he rolled '.the old ladj'on to it, made the bed. and rolled her '•: back again." He ■ called . to see her two : : hours afterwards and .found ' she was", dead. Mr Grundy considers that. Irs action was the result of trying to do too much for his fellow crckitures, but : it looks as- though there, were a bit too much roley-.poley about Grundy. ?j