THE BARRED ONE.

NZ Truth, Issue 265, 23 July 1910, Page 5

THE BARRED ONE.

PIETISTS kM PARSONS PREACH IS FIEIIEiL

Gambols of the Anti-Gamblers.

SIGHTS m SCENES ON THE PARLIAMENTARY Lifi.

WHY THE POLICE WERE NECESSARY.

Sinee 1 that memorable night m Wellington when "Mary Ann" Ait Ken, Daihn Pisher, "HerdyHS-irdy, " . and the very much wrong R. A. Wright, urged and egged on an unruly mob to storm Parliament and protest against the shutters toe-

ing put up on the talking shop, the police of Wellington view with anxiety any movement where "Merely Mary Ann" is concerned. As "Mary Ann," 'who isn't a politician any more," and who valiantly, if not discreetly, decided not to contest Wellington East last election, was a prominent personage m the Anti-Gambling deputation to Sir Joseph Ward at Parliament House last Monday, the presence of the police is explained. The . police were m strong force, and for fear that "Mary Ann,". J. J. North, Harry E'.l, or "Flash" Miller, or any other New Zealand agitator should get over the cwlds, Sub-Inspector Norwood, with a sergeant and six stalwart, strapping "slops" from

Lanibton-<quay station, is jus« j across the road, were on hand. If more men were wanted, the barracks were within whistle call. Fortunately, there were no scenes of disorder, which may be accounted for by the terrorising influence of the police present. Everything passed ofi as peacefully as a Mother's Day meeting of the Y^M.C.A. Early m the scene, "Truth" was able to gather impressions. It was parson here, parson there, . ami parson everywhere. In little knots, shaleing their heads knowingly, running their .hands through their whiskers (those who 'bad them), and all of them talking shop. There were a few females also. They >were of tfae suffragette sort. They beamjed on parsons and passers-by. • One or "two politicians of notorious anti-wowser sympathies N scornfully ignored them as they dashed inrto the sacred portals of Parliament. Even the lawn was disfiglured by the sky-pih>t anti-gambling kill;joy. The goad, pimply-faced young man tdawdied afcout, smiling a sort of "you're •the one" smile, ana attempting an erect figure when the dapper, tight-fitting r trousered', heavy-iirowed H. N. Holmes, of "fjbe V.M.C.A., sailed across the graveliaM space m fromt of Hie vestibule, and • shook "dooks" with two prominent and. voluble clerics of the Methody belief. But Hofcnes, with his Yankee, shaven back-of-the-«eck style of hair-cut, was small beer without even the froth. Suddenly there was a buzz resembling that of a '. swarm of strong-lunged blow-flies. It wasn't the afrival of the police. They

were the first on the scene. Jay Jay had arrived. The little spit-fire, with Ms spieler-like black "Woodrow" had come. "There he is," gently, but proudly spluttered out one of the suffragette type of holy motherhood. Indeed, it was J. J. North. He began t 0 "buznack" about like a fly m a. bucket of fat. He stood. He posed. From nownerc came good old "Mary Ann." The police were •oh the gui vive. Jay Jay and Mary Ann joined forces. Nothing 'm history but "The Field of the Cloth of Crold" can adequately describe the meeting. It was five minutes to twelve. There were five more minutes to go before the death-knell of the bad "bookie" would he tolled. inside the portals Mary Ann disappeared. He shifted with the alacrity of the individual who wants a drink on the tick of ten. J. J. stood without. It was the proudest moment of his life ; though try his hardest he could not but help looking insignificant. By this time, fully but) wowsers of both sexes had arrived. As a set-off to a few of the bookmakers present, the; Saivarmy uniform' loomed largely, while idlers and loungers were attracted, by the novelty of the ■Wring. Press tables were ranged up on the left-hand side of the entrance, where it seemed certain that the leather-lunged dc'v.itattonists would howl at a wov ".-ridden Prime Minister. Where, however, the sun had shone so brightly, glqoir. had now fallen, and suddenly it- was right wheel, and then left wheel to a side door overlooking a gravel path and facing a sloping lawn. Down this path, the 300, led by Jay Jay and Mary Ann, wandered like so many sheep. It resembled a grave-yard procession — these wowsers' with lugubrious countenances and very rusty black "Sunday best" clothes. "It reminds me of a funeral," said one pressman. "It is,'.' came the querulous wheeze of a wowser, "- it is the funeral of the bookmaker, he, he." Nobody had time to smile, m the rush, everybody had forgotten the Poor pressman, who were left to shift for themselves. They were hustled here, there and everj^yhere. For 0 own right rudeness and superb' selfishness, the notoriety-seek-ing parson is liard to beat.

Sir Joseph didn't Trecp the motley gathering waiting long. Suave awl smiling, Sirjce, m belltoppcr and frock coat, bowed, and feeble, indeed, was the applause that greeted him. Thare were no preliminaries. Harry Ell, M.P., v/lio has . discarded his mo. so that the barmaids won't recognise their enemy, briefly introduced the motley gathering, ami then

m lima ted that Re left xne rest t 0 the .sclinappcr-eyed Mary Ann. Aitken promptly clambered up two or uhree steps, and forgot, at first, that lie was addressing, nwt a mob, but the i J rime Minister. Rectifying his error, the leading bachelor of Wellington, whose opinion on the declining birth-rate has yet to be expressed, began to roar like an infuriated bull, and announced that as M.v ol the whole concern he had. been inundated with communications from all over the Dominion, all of which emphasised the need of the reform they were asking.

There was only one apology for nonappearance. That was from Archbishop

Redwood, who had engagements elsewhere. Discreet cleric. He didn't wish to associate with discordant ranters of the North type.

Mary Ann went on to mention that he had communications "from a number of Chambers of Commerce m ttie principal centres of this city." No doubt Merely M.A. wanted to say Dominion, but he must ble faithfully reported. Hfe further mentioned that he had a communication 'from tlie Wcrtfmp-Jtotn. Trades and Labor Ccncil. In fact, every representative body wished the deputation luck. Having said nothing \n ; particular, ami having said it loudly and not. well, Wellinglton'Ss ex-Mayor and Scadlng social purist, intimated that Jay Jay would he the first speaker, and would le followed by Bishop Wall is, a point m precedence overlooked by everybody.

However, the jay of the, hard-shell Ikiotists of Vivian-street wasn't wasting any time. He "rushed the buck," and Sir Joseph visibly qiuailcd. No doubt he knoMs his Norlßi'. In, the fir/st place it -has 'to be placed on 'record that North was distinctly rude to the Prime Minister. H e

turned his back r.n him and harangued the jcrowd, whi'h for collection purposes wouldn't have Ueen v/orth a brass,farthing. North had the manners to apologise, and ii:ao'e r.o ijones of ths fact that he was out to make iiay v hi:c tiie sun shone. "I am addressing the public as well as yourself," said North, "tit's all right," urbanely replied Sir Joseph. North then got feioing. He talked i thirteen to the dozen, and. assured the Premier that his vigorous reform policy towards the gambling question-, had at the back of it the best Sentiment of public opinion. North, right through his rambling, disjointed and disgruntled remarks, said nothing new, nor did he throw any fresh light on the i. question. Half of what he said was fresh, and the other half bunkum. We were the most over-raced people on the face of the. planet. The nation .'should ]})a. given a chance t o say what it thought of the tote ; and much more to a like effect.

The usual rigmarole followed. North quoted figures, anil got helplessly boxed. He grew wearisome. He became ' puerile, and even the assembled wowsers ifciraathetl a sigh of relief when North nagged his last.

Then came Bishop Wallis. Plainly his LordsMp was not at home. His heart wasn't m his work. The audience was so unlike his St. Paul's congregation, and, besides, a high predate of ..the. Anglican Church (had had to play second fiddle to a Baptist — a. Nonconformist. What his Lordship said was brief and to the point, but he showed great ignorance of the question. Indeed, it is a wonder he spoke at all. He lent to the gathering what clerical dignity there was. His dignity was useful ; without it the gathering would have been of the ra-gjtagand bob;-tail variety.

Then came Kjirkj— a real live professor of biology, who knows more of the innards of "the bujman carcase than theworkings of that unknown quantity— the

soul. The professor wasn't happy. It wasn't eh amatoimy class that he lecturdff to ; he wasn't aWe to point out the effect o! gam&ilfing on tlie epigastric organs. He didn't even skin his subjject. 'A post mortem was out of the -question. Pfrolessors, as a rule, are shy little birds that hate airing their elocftiemce on the vulgar herd. Kirk didn't air his eloquence— he had ncne to air.

Dominie J. P. Firth, of the, Wellington College, waxed facetious and made one or two p.'ood points. J.P., who is six foot nothing, gave Sirjoa two steps gni a "beating. As J.P., however, spo^e for the >sake of the young, he was listened to intently. His language was flowery, his periods pedantic, his grammar correct, but as a political economist he .was Ino class. He was the schoolmaster to life. Being popular, and generaily MT>eral m his views, Mr Firth gave a tone of reSpectaibility to the gathering, which had much to thank the Bishop and J l . P. Firth for.

Next came "Honest Jack Huteheson, who affirmed that "we are outside the narrow limits of sectarian agencies or party politics, v and generally took as his text, "Thou shalt not lead us into temptation." He made his peroration to the effect that if Parliament didn't act straight, Parliament's masters— the peo-ples-would be asked to take a hand.

Sir 'Joseph replied at length. And Sir Joseph said nothing m effect. He declared the Government to be sincere m its attitude announced that the question would be dealt with during the week, and that legislation would follow on whatever littles Parliament decided.

The anti-gamblers duly dispersed . after Sir Joseph Ward had lyeen thanked for his lucid utterances, and everyone went his way rejoicing to think /Iliat the wicked bookmaker was approaching his doom.