"EXCELSIOR!"

NZ Truth, Issue 172, 3 October 1908, Page 4

"EXCELSIOR!"

SENT HIGHER'N A KITE.

A Claim and a Counter Claim.

Orlando After the 'Oof.

Who fs there that has not, at some time or other m this God-fearing community felt inclined .to swear, curse, ana condign to the deepest pits of hell the laiundry fiend when his best bib and tucker has ' returned, from, the fiend's ' • ''washery and irony" turn to shreds and - " utterly _un wearable?? Wot only has man j felt the grievance of a collar sawing his ' neck off, but members of the sweet, soft and sometimes silly sex have, alas, experienced unsufferable agonies and receive ed only the cold" sympathies of her sisters because mere man could ; not be taken into confidence, wfcen wearing dainty and delicate", . 'out, to the male mind, mysterious; "duds" that have been . MDONE UP" AND DONE- FOR by the fiend aforementioned." Women, ' dear creature, suffers more m; this, cruel world than man, so she says, and per- \ haps it is the remembrance of chafed limbs and 'omer . things brought about by faulty Jaundry work that makes us agree that she is right. Indeed, mere man's curses at the linen, washer and flat, and other, irpners, if they ever come- home to roost, wilt assuredly keep the imps Wow busy with ' brimstone : -and other- ; fiery-',. materials when hell gets its quota of the. earthly fiends. When Sunday comes round ■ anjd *}£russie . prepares to make' ready m order that he may take Flossie, out to the bay,'' or wherever the • pair ' ruralise, iv is appalling to find that the only, shirt, m. Gus- t sic's wardrobe is. .irretrievably ruined.; . Then it is that the laundry man is abused m the best o! .Billinsgate, and" if the. laundry fiend aforesaid is. a European, it" is then that the docile and obedient ', Chow dresser of linens .and duds, etc., * etc., comes m and the Avbate complains ' of the lack of patronage, all the while * forgetful of the fact that it was his own ' damned carlessness ( and ruthlesi-ness that ' has : brought" about an. undesirable- state 1 of affairs. Moreover, too, it is when ) Law cases arise out of damaged damask^ • and torn table-cloths anti- other things^, i that the white laundryman gets a splen- . did advertisement; arid is eyer afterwards, ; sought out and rushed with orders, we , don't think. When, some time ago, the > winsome wife of Theo Collaid;. proprietor of the Egmont private Hotel, m Cotir4 t tenayr-place . gazed with teary glimmers » upon . her ■ mutilated lace ' : curtains, IrisH linen tablecloths and v seryiettes, not tomention some generally useful articles o< feminine underwear or over-wear or some4 thing m the frills and flounces line, her

REPRESSED FRENCH MALEDIC- ■. ■- . ■. .,: Tiofts ?. . ;. • were pardonable, even m 50 dainty, and . virtuous a female. And as the Eicelsion ■ Laundry, run by one Orlando WiHiara Oldbam, had pertinaciously and persist! er.tly pestered' 'Mohs. Theb. for his . cus* torn and .had • been' given a trial, the nameof Excelsior, or; Oldham, or pickled pork, was "Mud" forever, afterwards, so 1 far as Madame or Monsieur were concern-. J cd. Orlando, however, was not to be • outdone; He presented his bill for liquidation, but Theo. m its inimitable mahnen ordered Orlando to. Orleans, or Ohau, ob any other old place, and refused" to pay; and for his obstinacy was served' wittt a summons to stump-up, and Brandon,, Hislop and Johnson were engaged to dp all that was necessary, and Brandon, junior, appeared m Court; while Theo. on the other hand, retained the services of Mr Jackson, of Messrs Wilford and Levi, and on Thursday last, after the case had been adjourned twice, it came up for, arbrtra-. tion before melancholy, but strictly just,, impartial and. kindly-hearted Magistrate' Riddell, whose stony, stare and smileless countenance ' quite friehfcened the /petite Madame; whose / dahefcg, laughing eyas would provoke; a St. Anthony to at least a smile. Orlando's modest -claim was a-4 7s lOd, while the. counter claim was £2 18s 1-id. :■■' V"; ■•■•■"■: ;, Madame, told- her story m a beautiful^ half-English French . mixture and occasion-t , ally got excited, but Mr J ackspn's pres» ' ence ' reassured her, and Madame . mada eyes at the Magistrate, and even Mr Brandon, j,unr., •• had to blush when he ; spofce to her. But what JUadame* lacked . m the way of descriptive pbwec, so far, • as the damaged curtains, etc., etc., were concerned, it was more' ttiari ' supplied, by, • Madame's next best friend, Mrs Canning, ■ whose dignified, quiet and

ALMOST MAIDENLY MODEST MAN- . '. , ;■ ! v .'insß ■ ... ; ■.■ : and demeanor m the box convinced everyi body present, and there were few, of the terrible straits m .which Madame Anna and Monsieur Thep had been placed by; Orlundos wretched laundry work. Mrs Canning , wasn't cross-examined at any great length, no doubt Mr Brandon, junr., being impressed- with: her • straight* forwardness and 5 sincerity and such like* His Worship agreed that, damage had been done, but declared that the articles were not altogether useless, "and assessed*" the damage at £1 ss. ; Orlando got his verdict for the sum claimed- and was allowed 6s expenses. , ' v The " "victory" was duly celebrated . m the Egmont on Thurday evening, and the popping of corks, the ' guileless laugher the sineing of the "Marseil'aise," and some singing that ought to haVe teen * suppressed, and some piano-pounding that was painful signified 'in the usual mannes that -Madame was '.'a jolly good fellow.'*