JIM THE MILKER.

NZ Truth, Issue 170, 19 September 1908, Page 4

JIM THE MILKER.

Me and the bosses wife think that all coves should be trained to fight and at the present time the fat. man is roaring to get this made law. The other night when me and the bosses wife were m bed after having a gopd skinful of. liouor, j she says to me Jim dp yer know why the fat man is raging to force coves to be sogers. • No. Well the reason is that they want to become ossifers and bulb? and curse at . lean - coves. Dont tell me Jim, if yer ever see a fat man m the ranks I'll give up spook raising. No,- no he won't do it. Well he might go into the ranks for three days, then he will blossom out into a major or colonel or something and yell nohody can do it hut me, eyes right, yer blackguards, mark time right and left yer dirty swine. No reply from the ranks. Number off from the right and be damned to yer. and a. lot more that is no use writing, for yer would not print it. ., Now that, is the kind ' of thing, decent coves have to put up with, and if yer call - them a damned tinker or give them a bash on the. nose they call it mutiny and yer either sent to quod or drummed out. Then they, wonder why coves wont enlist. Why & private soger is looked >on worse than ,a . dog. I remember , during the time that the- fat man wanted to send sogers to Africa to murder,, tjurn and rape the women of South Africa* aye; and even .kill children, there was a fat woman, . a rich woman a society woman, sent Word to the swine who commanded one of .the contingents of bush whackers who was going to the front-, that she wanted them : to* make an exhibition of themselves m front of a few fat men and , dirty drabs. So they were sent up and some of the sogers had saddles put on their backs, while other sogers rode on them, bucking and kickiriq: up their heels to the . great edification of the drabs aforesaid and a few dirty gutty fat men. There was great roars of laughter and no wonder. Now whjat me and the bosses wife want to know, 1 if such things are to be, ' why should not the private ride on the ossifer's hack ? Tt would be good, dinkum. Well it aint likely that the fat man is going to endanger his life not much so long as he has pieaty of money to buy women arid drink. He. would be an ass if he did. Now last night as me and, madam "(the bosses wife) went to bed after a good skinful of drink she 'says to me, Jim do yer ever read the Biblb ?, Did yer ever read that any ' damnedst rogue can repent, yea, even to ! the eleventh hour ? Dear Jim this is a bad clause for the fat jakef cheats j and robs up to the tenth hour arid then the vagabond repeats and slips into the kingdom' of heaven according to the wovrsers and the fat man himself quotes* the thief on the cross. , Jim when yer get into the House yer will have to bring m a short bill . compelling all fat /men -to repent at least five years before ''they die. This would prevent them from cheating their wives and children, aye,, even tbe ooctor, and generally playing he'll till he drays his last gasp. Well, I iold this splendid woman that I would do it if 1 got into the- House. . This is God's own country, so it will be up to me to make some amendments m the laws of God, and I think that the first thing I will do Is to abolish the repentant 'thief business as it has doDB more harm than' anything I • ever heerd on. They have played up this racked for more than it is wOrflh. Oh yes, 1 will get that clause struck out when 1 get into the House.

JIM THE MILKER.