THE CRITIC.

NZ Truth, Issue 159, 4 July 1908, Page 1

THE CRITIC.

Who bait nniJanntei biraye tho Critic's rago? . Ornoteu_mov_d_isme_tion__theOritic'spa_e? Parade his error iai this public' oye ?'•..' V' . And ltd thor Grundy's rage dbfv? , ■'«- ' ." \- - ~- .. * .' ■- ■';■■ "'■■' "•''-••'v Booty— Football match* receipts.- -,*,<•■;-. ;. -\ ■ -*■ ;:.' ..*•' ;.'• ",-'_.'. Football ;is a "game of spherelull^ ':<■ ':':.'. ..*■;'• ':'".V-;V ' '•'■-' ■■'■ ' a'.- .-;■•. ,. : '^ '■- A lie-bill— A fa|cesotheatrical: castle > : ■' ■■ '■'"'.. */. - . ''-:'•.'• .»■'.- *■.*'.•■'■ ■ '* ,- ; '.'•':;:'■;■ -' :; : The world is f ulP of desperate ideals.; ■ ::.-:". :.*■■_."_■ >'. ; -a :•'• .' ; * ; '; , ;^ • .-.-'. .'■-•' The coUnter-sign— !'No. credit given:": - • '■ - '■*'•: ■ ■•''■'■ •■"•*'- "' : ; '.-v, r'.' *.: "-.''■'.};>■■■■:'■.■ The, Modern Milo was a hudeparture. ' ,-■■.■ . '-..'";-,* ' . . y.; ■.-;.'■:■ .. ■-.j---y. > "^..■-':' : :'-.: s '•' .;.'■ Motive; not : conduct, constitutes virtjue.' '...-'-"■''*■■■ >■'',-'•-■».'•' ■■:';'■ '■-.;?:• ■■•■■•'■ ;" Search '^ life— so. the ' detective sayeth/ The platypus is the Tes^Nb of zoo'oTy. ■ ; '"- ■ ; : , - : --i"*3 ' ;-i;f-.; '-vvV- '■■'".-:'-' ; : It's tlie-painWr only who should draw ,j-iihe r color line./ -V.. 'V-;. ; .':. .. | .'.■,,"^.'. . . :'- v '■?"*■.; -■' ■■ ..^3*:* /-: : : " : ' * v .> -^''jrV :■'' Parsons ; ! are;^^tftefe commercial travellers ol Christianity, v^'-; '■-,; L > ' ■'■•■'' * ''-:'?■• '■'■ .-■.;'■'•' i" j ' It's the Tgaol- " stoni^brcalrer who lias a nice an' • kiiappy life- ~; . ' . """ " ■ : .*■.';•' ■.'"■"-'■'■ ';r'-* ; ; : - ■'.-'-.• -...;■*'. ■,- ' - A' nod is as , bad. as.'-'^a"*- iwink . lirom ■ a' lady'you: don't know. : ; •;• ; ' /. ■-"': r* :i :... /• '. ; ,- >'• ■y:.;,^ -. .» Love afnd p r udence are' inconsistent : one decreases as ;ilie bther ; increases. ■--. • ■■ *'■ ::.'.?!■'■ r-r~ :'<*'.; '■..'-*.■.-.',■-' •'■ We o".s:rve most 'clossly m bthfers what we are afraid of .deyeloping m ourselves. '-■-•'.-'-'• '■ -* ' ' ■ '■* ' '"'.-/ -'r a Politicianis' are net / phiiosophic ' obscr--vcrS. They are necessarily ■ ' nujnacious ; :"partisansi -; :' y \' :'"'■- ; „-..-: ; i.O" "''■'■-■ ;." ■-•' ■■*■' -. .' .-■-'*■.' ! r,.r r- ■ .-'*■ „ The sweetet name v bfvia.giri is that of the • ■ one: , p'arrfcicu lar V girl -with whom a s ; -m^n's;':ii^-4ove^;, . "~jj '••' ;..-■; '>Keei»vbut of gaol, my; jSqn:!f,''is , a far inorfe iprac&i^ than to church, my son !"- , ,-■■'...-._ .\ • '-a O .: ■ •■■'.■; ■'■■■* .' ■ *. V •'.,-■: *■'•■'■, /The custbiner may have a narrow shaVe, and ; air nnaf, 'kind of thing; but. it is m reality the barber who 'comes, a cropper. '. •' •' . "■*'■'.-' ' '.' -'..'f.a-'-t. ■ v \. ..'■_. i ... ; i.- i v. : .>.;-/' ■' 'f Auckland barmaids are looking forward .gleefully to the arrivalof the. Fleet. 'They will , be' .well-advtlsed to only 1 "look. foi:-- - ■ :" .--TiSrardi.. s., : «Js-; ■ ■.':■-■■ .' : - •.' ■.'.'■'*'' S'vy ']:-.'."..' '.'.'.' .:.•'.* ';."■. .-. ;' Og; ; ,. those W.o^ser¥l: 'dhe of them: had the -cheek to sermonise on ''When, 1 1 be 2 caiife'a man" last Sunday. Did the average; wowser- ever become aman? s f"; '- rr" m* " '■■-:.- •[*.:■ * . ,■■'-' vl*'bj ; educational., purposes the Bible.. ;is. •far>Tfrp,m being the best, book m the worifly :AKttptoof bf it you 'have 'only to cohtem'plat_ those, who have beep, mentally nbur-\ ish^d on very little else. y .._-.., '-■ %■.•'' ..': -.'■'. "■'..;■[* ..-■ '■''■ '■_ ■ • '. ' .'..'-. .As -soon 'as' a politician commences to feel, that he is not of iOie pgople ( it i^'time for >him to turn out the domicile of his Democracy, and "give :it : a thorough and ligorbus '_ spring -cleaning^ v . ■-■■< '•. v; : ' .' :■' '■*': V../ * ; ; ; .:. ;"*'' : \•" ..■■'.•. „'" '■:/■■-"■ /^'Tinsel garters/ ieither gold or silvci cpniposed of bright .Ribbon aiid • : prettj ; fiilPblbwh Bose,"; is. one of the':_dve_tist ments m -a.fashibn paper.; What 'a, novci ty ! It is well . that what they bhclosci should be; exclusive.;" ,-.- :■ ( ■ &-C ';. ■"/■■*; ■',-" ..v"'?'','-*".. ':' ;' ' . ; * ''• VHe- seized her, drew heir to him, ai. delihterately struck her. She .made ji sound. v Again and yet again' the brut, repeated th^i. : blow, ; but still she- gave no sieh 6f her sfl_-eigu^i<:!Biut when with. r_r. idly growing angelic strtttk her ibr the fourth time she t/ anrieked i albiiil and— lTeT hea^'flew off. She was only a:jnatch. '-'. « _M-—f a ' ■■• " v mC - P&w following delightful letter was reWeeived by a bicycle firm from an' up-coun-try Qerman >- .- \ • ''■•■■' i "Dear Sir,— i receiv de bicyke'l witch-l by from you alrite: But why -youdbht sent me saddel. Whatfis de> use of jbicykel when she dont send.h^ve. saddel. i am lbose to me my kustom^r sure ting by no having saddels" and -dat not very pleasure ' to me. - 1 send to you hack ' at wunce, your bicykel to morrb for shufe, because you . are such a d&n- f pplishness . peoples. — Vrs , ""-'^fulle. -> >„ ; v / t saddel mdc b(E^lSteJ,; M de ' Vis the act of obeying a call b'r-^_..._2 "*ki*- l i ublic Place a grossly ; indecent a'ctr . S^S*..Donn£Uy.:held otherwise m de-;__^^t--'^'^f&J__ charged m Christ-

■ ~™*'--i**. ■,-.-■'': •■■- : -'-- ■.:-':-■ -■■ ■■ ■■^^- The tied m the affairs of mam is; th«^ . -jnirriage- noosed W;\;.;-':k 1 -^7-^-v;-^-^'^ ; ~'^- ; - <:-:ok^fif^^?'n^ y. ;'y;Tl^feb ; ;^hp-bQS^ p^y:t^b' expenses;;/- „ ';"■:•.' r \-r^:'-'\ '-. : :-.'y ■■' ..... - _ ..;: ■-.-• .-|* -'v...- -'- a ;-.■ It's the loye-lorn maiden who takes steps to have a /compahibn. ' : ' : ■ r~~~'.-.- : '£a. ; ■ ■ ;'yj j.' •'■'* ; "' "■"&'■ -.■*".■.«■■>•/■ All is ; nb't well that ends- well if a man, ,canhot get an ea^ly mprning reviver. ; ■_■ ' •'■'.'*- ; '' .... -_ j '; A Chow who wears sideboard .1 Whiskers barts;the. cahb'age ahd^callbta'beut Ohrist-\ bhutch;,- •;;■-, ■ ' ■■^^■:'^;-^ ; ,.-'- ;■;<;:-' •__* ' \\-} ! }__' '.--■] r : r;.Y. ."■■:';fV; ' ■ r ".-'r * ; '% y^"' '•* ■_ ' ? ' :v '■■■) ■:We;-- ! eayily fbrgiy^s . those .who., weary us,; bu't/daii 'never fbrgiye?those who are wear-ied'-by-us. - ■■{'} yy/:: ';:' ; -r^ ■'■_:._ ..';> ■'--'';s •■ . ■;; v;.;-.*«.:■; -.*«.:■ ■, : ;-.•;>■♦■. ; : ''-zc-y -.*■*? \-_ ? :'-.yr;' : i s i The,;har.dest necessity of poverty .is ;tb ; oe deprived., of the things ; pbssible to drastic economy.- Jr . , '•■'•'■ '■' ■" ' * - ;;-;;: * \". -^ .' -. ■;: ' /When two girls iheet they kiss---when.. two m:n meet they, don't. This -shows . who \yr.nis tissing . most, i . ' <- /; '.-■'■--,,-'■ i.. * .■■ ..■". a ■'■■'/'.■'■y-;/- ■'■'■*.; '-„..; : ".-;''-'-, .■• Morning; paper advt.: . "Widow; ' comfbrt-- r able home,' like to meet man.; nb.nbnr: sense." ..Stop, yer ticklin'. iJock. &?.> / * ■•■■•■« ' :a''-''^-.-'' m \r"--'^'; rr v ■-. •■■:/-/ 7 . Why . worry oyer the cold, -snap ? There'll '^p any 'number of "furngtced" apartments m. the infernal /regions, f; ; ■ ■'-'■■''* >;' '" ':••'• ■*" ■ ■'*'-' ,", : 4''--'--' : ' Tommy /i3urns, after all, even, aj^his best,: gives only an Australian axeman's show. Squires is the chopping block. ■;-■)- ■'-•. Those with .least respect for , other ',peo- ■ pie's feelings cry- out; most loudly When\ anything brushes up agaitisx their own^ ; ' ..'.•. «--•.- .':__ . -.';■ *• .-.-. •.;* '.>. a:'-. ' •■ I'll 'say nothing aboiit the Yankee maiv^ o-wars'man's past, but it's a guinea to a gooseberry they'll pawn theit. presents. .'.''*■ --ii* ■ '-.. , i '.-^' ■ "■■' ' v ' -\ There 1 is nothing,more beautiful. 'in the' -iealms, t pf, romance than that of . %i :-ribt-' knowirig ■ next meal is: coming -from.'- • '^zryrfr.^^.^^^Jy- .. ■ ...... •'■'■■■ '■: q: : -- ■.y-^ :^^j*^H.r^y-k^. ; *•' The dousing , of the :gf iin so - suddeiily; now and again; in^he^city shows'thafr the electric" light/ is .subject to "all the ; : ills' that flesh .is air to ." . '. ! X ■'"■ : 'f &<■'?:. .-:■;:;,;--: ' -\\'r.s_-:yyyy-\d!p:-'Oi'.''' ' y'>~:\- --' A reporter on the Arkansas "World" has married the 'proprietor's daughter. $b doubt he used to sing to her, "Love : me and' the 'World' is mine." . ss. ■ tit a ' ■ v Judging by the liberal display of \ paint on the rows of ballet ladies m sbhie of (jut modern day, musical comedies; it's a case of; "The row's red, the vile-hit\s ; blue.",:.'-;, .-.*. ;-..'•..-. - • .•■ ■;,- ./": 7.: ; .*:■■'•. '"»' •:.-• * ,r - : - .-:'■ ' Vahda White, 1 the woman welsher, -has disappeared from view altogether and has evaded: -all; efforts to '•,".• tfaCe his where-r ''abbuts. : White's landlord has now dig--traihed' oh' 'the famous office furniture for 'rent. ." •■:'- ..".-'•:• -.■'•■ ■ --;■,:■ ■'•'•! :.'■ :^■t^^i^.. ; "■':^''■ :^::':; , ?^ • : ; .:-:l , ' 'Virtue, ' ! '- says the ' 'Sunday ., J ournal, ", "and virtue "alone is the -best quality tobe considered m 'the' choice ;6f ; ; a' friend;" 'oh : t'O'thb-'-tailr.bf:-;whii_& ; --ee''a'dvice ''Critic" hangs .the remailc :' ; '''AU; depends oh ■ the sort of friend ? -y;buTre looking for." .! y; ; ' ,*■':.•'-;; \ f '*> y ' V^: : ' ' '' i Pubiicaiis. ; c.arr;iiig ; ;.bn..l]^siness adjacent to. a theatre believe I 'that the finest dramatists ■" are; those whbse ' pieces have -the greatest nundlber. . of ' / act^. • Indeed, they , think that: nbiplay. should' be staged now- i n-days which h_s less than 22 acts. -' j *;-; 'v-.; '• .-^ *.p. • ■■■;' .*■- A' new by-law has', been passed m a ibtorian.-) village; prohibiting' playing bn "> yisy- • hiusical itistifumehts • to ' the annbyicp;of'the public. Now that the c_tjurting and the- amateur-singing seasons xc oh at the same time- it will be a hard iob to :pick the offenders. Yj*.~--''y~ a f _ ■ - --a ■ . .Jt — -press-correspondent takes a lot of the anticipatory glamor ofi the " Yankee visit by explaining that half the "Amerit; can' ?"; sailors are foreigners. That's nbth-, s ing.. It isn't them that' we /care a walnut.; about; It's the' political bugs m Wasfcington who have ;to be impressed. i\_ ■'■■ii. . '*; - * ■-'_■"■* ■ *y' Newcomers m the Parliamentary press; gallery this session ..are Messrs W. fJj Tohkm : ("N.Z. Times"); R. V. White< ("Southland Times") , F. W. Doidge.* ("Auckland Star"), and P. Chevassus (Press Association). Mr George. Humphries, /after ' 'many years' absence,:reappears m the gallery;- on behalf of :the Press Association; y ..- § ■ .;.;•.;- "-■'^ ■ '' " » " :' "•._-.' ;* . ..--,■■ ... . • ;.,.,--. -■■ .'■ ~ : : <fy Woman made an appearance at Cpilrtthis. week, and wore her gladdest rags ' 'faj^the occasion. Mrs .Jane Baikie was. the'Jie^aine, being found '"not guiltv"|lpf ' '^e'?mut(le^>jQf; Alexander Brown., Broyn, w "*-. wharf-laborer, and . tiearly six^y S. o^'" and'-apbeaie4 i( to:.be pnvet^ friendly tcrm^^th Mr^Wkie«i , He ht. icame ilUat her hb_t;e, and was^jemov^d y^-Ml e hospital, Avhere-he died. " andy-ifi^ **Nsh_ y^pggs being made, Mrs- Baikie was pbisoning him. She at the charge, "^^^^^N_.in a black bro-'. white kid hat

— — .-'. '■- '. ' ' '■'.'" . .'■'..'■ ' ■ '.-. ' : n _ -'.Nothing; :^niebeediß^^^^^^v .±ooss ~y-' ' J : :^:r : \: ■'*■■"-''''■';. r\<Y~i}a ""--r-.t y <-. lr '],f '■'] '■'.".'/. '^rv'piMipi>b_li^^t : ' : !''--m-iGes . ien .-pe_i_»_s ; to every ,ofie madci by ranbrse. ."' ■[■'■ ':J^^': : y^y-r^^jA,ti i y--s^/./ : \ .' ■'•' Fxom;:-Ito':.>w6ii^Sw)ra.v-e_(JBVe- : A : ih-:-Free: Trade ;the ordinary man.;nMds A Prot«ctio_. ■t.'-'. ■':■ '.' ■•y'V/ : J-<'/i '. ; i:".*> ; -i'*i' :- -.': :, -' : ; *\ '■ ; .. A'.,li'ttlb. : sbap.-'wiU''''m^e l :_:-ibt''.bf' suds, v A. little ;a -lot of spuds;, ' A -*.lil^ije'':-;(^f : i''h' | B<»t^^.'ih&thet;i febw,; ,.: ,: ' A little, yarn inajr make a great' -hijg' ?xo*^ ■■: : ;V v'Vv*-^.V^--.^'-w. : ---*-'' :'■'- ■■'>' v ' :? t'-'V- ! ' ; '-^ y y A r- welWaipwn. city publican is studying' for the Bar:;' He;has vbleiim^atvthq ■■■. bepk bat'; all ■ his : life, but. now, "Bar^ bcei<fc_i&£'iii^ tends to breast -the legal;vhaJr ■*■./ - y "^;- ; v -■-■ '■■ : '' ; -./*-. -4/'' -■ ': '-J-.*' '-■' : -.- •':- ■ *&''■■'.'■.:'.' V ; ;- ;^ The; New -York l;racing clubs-, have triumphed 1 -' over the WoWseristib 'attempt to ■ siiiipress betting on the - racecourse, The psalm-sin'gihg. brigade made y_' fierce at-' ;tempt to "rget thinjgs 'thditown way, hut' have been badly bloWn. but: "■.-;. ..'?!?. : :'< - ',-■■ '■'■ ■■'■■- y ■■'. * ■-'•-■ *; - '**■: .'i . •,■/.•.■''• sacrifices have begun. Every'"*: day the papers contain accounts' of -.the. burning to death of children , . maids and Women, and: nahneletje: rebiaihs . the primary "cause. ; It'£ tiiheVboth" the selling and biuying: of flufly flaunjßfette were m&dfibvi 4 ipinal offences/:, '■■: :K r. ; r ■;■"'■■ . y^^y-^ ■ ■.'; *- ' '-V ■ ■:■■ "* '' ■'-"' - ■ : ' ' * '-':llf '"'€: A .'magis trate -\in Hungary-. recentl^punV ished a .thief With; especial severity' ;be-v cause ho,.had stolen from the parish priesju;, He pointed out to the culprit tbe enenf-r, inity of,' }jis -offence m "stejjjyjig. front ';a;> man, who cbuid 'not- ste^i?rom/him ..iri' return.'! "Critic finds his funnybone' extremely tickled by the argument, ■ ■ ■" ■-;'*;- -V' <•-•- * .-■: ..:■*-.■-'' -•" : .'--. : .'. ■•-i j Captain Arthur Lloyd,, of the , lil-fatfe^ steamer Orion, came froniva family that' -had "salt m its. blood. 'His father, after spending a lpngj life -at . sea, is now, ' at tho age of 91\ A iviu^. m_• Hobart; ;• >• ?'■& . brother, Frank,. is ■ chief officer -, of -the; Wyr allah ,' whilst- ;f another, IJenry , f ■ , W&sj drowned on -^eH^^Tassy^ coast-;' sbiiJ.e 7 ; -ago) Arthui i-.tpb^ yh£d ; - aV^eas;% clo^e ; shave when he', ;five,;pt;her3: put. : .ou^in a. whale boat ;_' 'oh' the ; %&£s•• IMaiip:^: Tasmania to patch a' mail from The .boat turned turtle, and: fbuy -were drowned outright. Nejct- day ';liibyd ; :/diriftfed-, ashore 7 h&if dead j "with • clothes, m shreds^'Cand;, hands, feet and : logs Lfbleeding. .ThiSy time 'tie , .reaVseems', ' to' ■•haTe v daimen s Mm ''altogether-. &"?;:?■% ? v * * ' • ■*'■'■ Booze figures prominently m the divorce proceedings Of Vthc Donunion." Clementina McKernan married" hubby 'm Fbgland m "1889, and cams out to Melbourne eight years later. He. started a butchery m the" citiy that suffers under the horror of.-' having /Tummy; Bent as Premier, but most of his- business was; done; m the , adjbininp; pub., and Clementina doled' but the chops and' sausages to daily decreasing customers. . In 1900 she got away from him' and sought Asbt- ; burton, w;hibh' is such a beerless desert that she reckoned herself safe from pur-^ ..suit, but. appalled by the .} nrospect bt,having to work for a living,, Mac. raised sufficient to take him, to , the prohibited^ district, where he did nothing' with; great energy and' got his beer m by the cask,. .In 1903 the unhappy woman' applied; for, »! separation. -order, -and, maddened by the: nrosnbet of losing his bread-dinner. Mer .Kerhan attehipted to burn dbwn the pre*-, misesV He was sent up for six months 1 for this, and nearly, died of beerbmnia' m his Majesty's gapl. The missus has been grafting: for herself aiid family ever, 'sincb;- and when she applied; for- a divorce m Christchurcii and piled up accuniulated evidence of her husbabd's; drihkin-s? and blastiferousness : . . generally, a decrc « nisi was .granted. •■;' McKeihan.^ is now face to face : with ,ihe •' problem; of how' to ■". live without toil. , ' '-„'-- « PEOPLE WILL TALK.---"M.C.," Christchurch, last;week wrote to '"Truth" asking to. be supplied with the words of a! poem.' '.'People Will Talk." Quite a number of readers have supplied the; verses, but omit all ine'n,tibn ' of the author,'; who* is ptobahly an anonymous' one. At anyrate, . to satisfy "M.C.," '..'Truth'. Reprints t the poem for him ".— .; Yau may get , tbrOugh _he world, hut 'twill be very t slow/ .;-.'■ . If you listen to all' that is baid as you,, : gp ;■ "'" ■ ..You'll be worried and fretted, kept -..>',' in,.a-stew,, ',; .../.■;-■, .';. LFor meddlesome .tongues must have some-r, thing to do,' .■ . '-.- And, people will talk. :lt iquiet and modest, you'll haye it preSiUmed, :, ; . ■";-'■. . '■] ;. ;; v-- ;- _< ' That your . humble position: is bnly>:i.as- • sujned, ■:.:■-■ -r.^-r. You're a wolf m sheep's clothing., or else ypu're a fool, But don'ft . get excited— keep perfectly ■ cob.l— '■■ ,':-•'-... .!'■ people will talk. -; And then \if you show^ the f- "^ J ~****l* ■ of heart, Or a slightMnclination to/ part, •V , /" They call you^^n upsta' .vain, ""^lk But straight aheaT , ...'■ explain— : v.. For people &. If tlifeadbare your dr^ ioned'ybiur^fety ' ; ' .'■■-■ Someone will surelp^^ And hint rather -s^pay your wajs But don't get exw For pf %f _your dress is esc_pe, r Si '