CHIVVYINY THE CHOW.

NZ Truth, Issue 142, 7 March 1908, Page 8

CHIVVYINY THE CHOW.

, TERRIBLE TURNER'S TROUBLES.

Pelts a Publican with Pewter

Pots

And Castigates a Confucian with

Ricks and Cabbages.

The immediate effect of beer on various temperaments is an interesting study. Some persons become jpheertf ui k to' : bpaster.6usness , others are ..transformed into philanthropists, others again weep publicly and unashamed about their family troubles, while there are others who emulate the conquerors of William Squires, Esq.,, at Ms worst. Walter Turner is a young man who ought to leave beer alone, and he should certainly steer clear of the purge he got at Wellington Albion on the 27 : th of last month. Turner practised being a benevolent person on inadequate means by inviting; six admirers to have a drink with him. He subsequently produced a bob, and when barman. Capstick asked for more cash, "Walter became annoyed. He discharged six pints of swankey at the unoffending lush merchant, and' the pint pots followed. Capstick executed a dexterous retreat but the flying pewters wrought considerable havoc amongst 1 the stacked glasses m the bar. Then Turner retired satisfied. This was at 10.30 a.m. ; at mid-day Turner's warlike propensities drifted uppermost to the annoyance, of two friends, who triqd' to see him home. They were going along Clyde-quay when they met, a smirking alien named Ah Chong, whose well-filled baskets of cabbagee and lettucee danced warily to the movement of a Pekin .trot. Now, Turner comes from. Deakin's country, where the white Australia policy forms part of the school cur«

riculum— or ought to— and the sight of one of our future invaders FIRED HIS PATRIOTIC INDIGNATION. Moreover, Turner works for a greengrocer named McQuaid, and the unwarranted success of the yellowhorror m the cabbage business aroused his animosity. Ah Onion was probably dreaming of the time "fallen he would have paid off the £100 polltax put up for him by his wealthy, owner and would start . a little glocelly shop of his own, when he became conscious of three white devils approaching, him. One oE them, name Turner, fixed a murderous eye upon the alien, whose pigtail attempted to stand on end as the Chow called m terror upon his favorite joss to defend him. The joss didn't happen to be within hearing, and Turner plugged his victim on the side of the mouth. Australia then seized China by the pigtail and swung him about with violence. Catohing hold of the pole supporting! the baskets Turner set off for nowhere m particular, but his mates, one of whom bore the strange name of William Spittlehouse, took the timber from him and restored it to the undesirable immigrant. That terrified carrot-monger immediately lit out for home and beauty, bi,it watf overtaken by the beer-stricken Turner, who ' shoved Ms enemy over on to the footpath, then seizing him by the pigtail swung, him round like a .person putting a shot. Ah Bean, who uttered a piercing: yell, lost a considerable amount of hair, which will greatly retard his return to China, and he had most of the breath pumped out of him when Turner fell on him. The temporary beer barrel was hauled off the yellow agony by his companions, and Ah Turnin was permitted to go arid see the police about it. Constable Carmody arrested Turner at eight o'clock that eveninf. and also RAN SPITTLEHOUSE IN on general principles. Solicitor Jack-son N advised thumping Turner to plead guilty to the Albion and Clyde-q/uay eruptions, • but Spittlehouse (whose name is much admired by "Truth") declared his innocence. An attempt was made to prove that both mates went to war with China, but the evidence couldn't implicate JGxpectoratehouse, and the advocate saw Ms client go free. Not so Turner ; who incurred the displeasure of Dr. McArthur, with whom previous convictions for violence and drurik and disorderly weighed heavily. Mr Jackson mentioned that it was the cursed der-rink. His Worship : It's the same old tale. Counsel explained that his mates were taking the inebriated greengrocer home when he hutted into a Chow and knocked him over. His Worship : Suppose a Chinaman butted into an Englishman who was carrying vegetables. Counsel : The Englishman would give him a jolly good hiding.His Worship : And' because a Chinaman isn't able to give a hiding he is to be assaulted. James McQuaid, the greengrocer for whom Turner worked, gave evidence respecting his carter's good character, 'but Dr. Mac. regarded him as a person. prejudiced by, undue competition with the scum of Asia m the spinach trade. Turner got one month with hard labor, and .' was visibly disappointed. •'ls there no fine ?" he asked, m astonishment. "No, I won't eive you a fine," replied his severe Worship, and the beer-eater, who offered to take out a prohibition order, went up for four weeks. "I congratulate you on getting off," said the Doctor grimly, to Spittlehouse. '-'You had better not be m that company aga^n." SERIOUS CHANCES 'ARE TAKEN IN NEGLECTING SKIN IRRITATION. Any person takes serious chances who neglectsj Eczema, or any . skin .irritation. Skin trouble is very difficult to cure, it has the tendency to spread, and there is also the danger of it becoming chronic. The safest remedy lor • any form . of skin disease is Doan's Ointment. In using it there is no detention from daily occupation, and the many cures made by it have made it famous all over the world. Read the following testimony, of a lasting cure by Doan's Ointment. Mrs J. Duncan, 14 Ghuznee-street, i Wellington, says :— "I used Doan's Ointment for an itching skin trouble; and this preparation cured me. It is ( a splendid remedy for skin disease, and sufferers should not waste time and money trying other remedies, but get Doan's Ointment to-day. . , I obtaihed Doan's Oiritemnt at Fletcher's Pharmacy, and am pleased topublicly recommend it." Mrs Duncan says later on :— ;"Seven years ago Doan's Ointment cured me of an irritating skin trouble, and I have been quite free of it ever since." Doan's Ointment is splendid m all diseases of the skin, it is perfectly safe and very effective. Very often two or three pots have cured chronic cases which have . resisted other remedies for years. Doan's Ointment is sold by all chemists and* storekeepers at 3s per box (six < boxes 16s 6d), or will be posted on receipt of price by ' Foster-McClellan C 0., -"76 Pitt-street, Sydney. But, be sure you get DOAN'S.