JIM THE MILKER.

NZ Truth, Issue 135, 18 January 1908, Page 6

JIM THE MILKER.

Being m the spook raising line ol business me and the bosses wife went larst Sunday to the century spook hall to see madam somebody or other raising spooks. This female has been imported from America with a great flourish of strumpets to astonish the natives m these parts. Well yer can lay odds that although the mountain has been m labor it has onley brought forth a mouse. Anyhow the hall was full of people, and a damned seedy push they looked yer would hardly believe that there were so many wasters m Wellington— in fact, the only respectable people was me and the. bosses wife. Well the business started as the usual rookraiser shut her eyes, gave three or four gasps kicked up her heels and tackled the job m ernes t. She said that there were plenty of snooks all around. One old cove who had ruined his son he asked his hudlam ofspring to forgive him, but the coot said that he' would see him m hell first alitor a lot of jaw he said he would let the did cove off although he would never ferget how he had been buldozed. There was also another spook who came to see his wife and he informed the audience through the lady spukist that he never met the likes of her at making coffee scince he pegged out. Now where does this joker get his coffee made ? it must be m hell for I never heered of fire m heaven, also how does he hold it fer as an expert I can tell ver that spooks have no where to hold it, they have no. guts. Then another she snook would persist m coming on to the stage she said she had been burned alive and the coves were axed if they knowed her, but no bloke would take up with her so the snookraiser threatened to bash her if she did not make off. None of the coves and the covess?s seed any spooks but were told that they were m whips. Tbis isent the way the bosses wife does when she raises'a spook yer can see v it all round sometimes feel it as well, but there is a lot of bo^us spook " raisers prancing around m this city who ought to get fifty lashes on the bare back fer diddling poor coves of their splosh. Tt took me all me -time, to prevent the bosses wife from booting some of them m the ribs. But the best of the whole job was when the spookist' roared out yer late beautifull Queen was a strong beliver m spooks and so' 'was the late John Brown that was the reason yer glorious Queen loved-, John Brown, when the Prince Consort pegged out yer queen was greived to the heart and know what . to do, that was where John Brown came m he developed into a powerful medium and the late Prince used to. get into his inside so that he could deliver messages to yer Queen and they loved each other on that account m a spiritual way. (My oath yer, never heard the like)' The prince through ... Brown ordered the Queen to put up monuments to Brown aforesaid and generally ..speaking to give him a free hand. He got both the monuments and the free hand so I've heard it is said that he was extra free and easy with her Gracious and that he was the only cove who could boss her. He would take none of her lip and used to play hell 'if any other jocker looked at her, at larst he wouldnt let heir see .any other cove at .all and when Gladstone went to. see her on business he lifted him on the toe of -his boot into a ditch that was round Balmoral Castle. Yes he was the greatest man m the Empire. By the way I beared ! that King Neddy has pulled dowrt all his monuments and anyone 1 - mentioning Browns name gets fifty lashes^ on the bare back. It seems strange as Brown always went about with an ax to protect his mother with, but such is life^-Well to get back to spooks at the meeting aforesaid, at the larst one old josser brought out a big basket of flowers and presented to the lady spookist I understood him to say that it had been sent by spooks. There was a label on the basket so he said, it was all very funny indeed y&H would have thought yer were m a lunitic asylum. - The flowers looked' as if they had been forced m -fact : hothouse plants maybe they, came from Hell. JIM THE MILKER, —^fa— IW— i^— — i — I^—