JIM THE WEB.

NZ Truth, Issue 131, 21 December 1907, Page 6

JIM THE WEB.

In me larst ter you yer got a discription of our reception m Dunedin. It was qfuitc true. All that I have said about Taranaki holds good from Dunedin to the Bluff, a more disgracaful state of affairs yer never seed. Young men and women to save time sleep together so that they can wake up at tfcxoe o'clock m the morning, yer see that they want ter make the most of their time. God nos it aint Jong. Me and the bosses wife went right through the hole of the Mataura district, Milton, Taieri, Clutha, and verily the cry of the child is loud m the land. Sodom and Gomorah aint a patch on it, verily it is a golgatha where there is weeping and .mashing of teeth and where the worum never t dieth. When me and the bosses wife were at Gore we weut into a highclass boarding-house. It was late m the evening and cold. When we went into thc room there appeared to be a fire . at the other end. Sometimes yer I would see fire and sometimes yer couldn't. Being a scientific cove I had to enquire into the matter, so me and madam marched straight up to the fireplace, when to our astonishment we seed a big hairy cove with feet like a small shovel. He was drunk, and when lie put his feet up. before tFc fire it shut out all light. I axed this cove how are yer gettin *on, how is the butter trade m these parts, will yer have a drink. I gave Mir. me flask and that Avas the end of it. Then this gallows bird said yer a stranger m these parts, aint yer, do yer no anything about thc dairy trade ? Yer must no men like nic with fifty cows can't get enough cheap labor. Let the chows come m, they can do the trick quick and lively, and as for the kids the young lazy trash. Here the bosses wife advanced quickly and hit him a. flush hit straight from the shoulder on the jaw, knocking him into thc fire. There was a great uproar. Coves came rushing m as the noble farmer lav on his back roaring murder, fire and rape. I took off me coat thinking there would " be slaughter, but when the bosses wife explained that she was a leader of the society for- bashing child-killers, they, the cheils (they don't call themselves coves down here) entertained us at a banqjuct. Yer will see the account of it m a little sheet called the Mataura Ensign, if yer please, a fine specimen for a museum of about two thousand years ago. Well we arrived larst night m Wellington, and just as me and the bosses wife were having some innocent fun-in the bed thfe blarsted firebell rang out and she said Jim yer must go and see what yer can do, yer' might save some childering. Well, off I got much against me will. I found there v/as nothing to be done so went home and was well hugged by the bosses wife. She is the best that ever lived. I notice m regard to the fire m one of thc daily rags - that feild marshall Bully Collins was promptly on the sceen and did great service. He at once rushed to a plug and got. out a hose ancl played with great fury on the flames, but the watter being cut off suddenly he at once formed himself into a holler square and retreated heels first to the garden and took up a strong stand, but a fireman coming along jabbed his fire nozzle | into his guts, lifting him clean off j (his feet and landing him on hi.<*} head. It was sad to see. millingtary coves I held go cheap. I aint half done, j but the paper is run out. i JIM THE MILKER. j