JIM THE MILKER.

NZ Truth, Issue 124, 2 November 1907, Page 6

JIM THE MILKER.

At the ernest request of Mr Mc'•Gruther, me and the bosses, wife went up to Taranaki for a few weeks.-; We wer m no hurry, stoping at Palmerston North and Wanganui by the way to raise* a few spooks and some spooks at the same time. The bosses wife was m fine nick, and fairly knocked the audience stiff. She raised whips of spooks, including Adam and Eve. They both appeared m the full dress of them days— to wit, a fig-leaf just as the Loard had chased the poor divels from the Garden of Eden. There was a grate uproar at this, and some of the Christian young coves assosation who were present swore that Eva was a damned fine woman. I must tell you that one of these same chaps stole a cove's bike that came to see the splendid performance given by me -and the bosses wife. By gum at last she raised Cain, for as the Kristian young men began to go free and large me dander ris. My oath when I was done with them they were quite meek. Now, as a matter- of fact, I, Jim the Milker, is open to bash any Kristian young or old man who is travelling m the Gord-fear-ing trade and swindling the public at the same time. I'll do it for fifty quids, and leave the splosh with the Sporting Editor of "Truth," but T'm affeared ihat ;ione of them arc ri.a.mc to face Kc.; No, not much.- They,

I can skite about fighting the divel he- ] cause they no there aint any such bloke. If they are looking for lash, let them come to me, I'm their Moses. Now, I feel kinder strong on this subject, as some of them sneered at the bosses wife fer getting money by raising spooks, yet these same sturdy beggars have pranced all through the Dominion cadging for money without shame. If they want i;o carry on their capers why don't they pay for it themselves. The bosses wife recons that they are no class, so does me and McGruther. By the way, me and the bosses wife has applied to Inspector Dinnie for the job of spook raisers to the perlice, so that they can catch coves that has murdered other blokes. This will be .quite easy, as. either me or Madam the bosses wife, can materialise the murdered cove, and clap him m the witness-box to give evidence. This will settle the job. Now I must tell yer that I met the boss at Taranaki. He was selling milk, and as soon as he seed us he prances over, and says,, "ho, ho, yer have come, back ; I noed that yer would. \ You and yer spook raising, take it from me that the holy cow is the great whangdoodle m these parts." j His nibs the boss didn't see me. He thought that he could rampage at his wife, but lo and behold I came along- and gave him a hell of a licking. Now, he (the boss) swears that he will bring an action agin me fer thumping him. Well, let him do it. He is an elder of the kirk, while, at the same time^ cohabiting with a big, able-bodied Dutchwoman. She had some children, and now ther bodies are covered with bruises, getting them up m the morning at threes o'clock. Just so. If the boss brings me before the b'ealc, I'll put him away. Being a member of the kirk, he goes up to the communiontable and scoffs all the wine and tucker, while he is living m adultery with an able-bodied Dutchwoman. When me and the bosses Wife were cuddling each other the other night when we came home, she says to me, dear Jim, it is a good thing that yer rescued me and "our children, Durham, and Alderney. Of course, Jim, they are yours, and I hope that yer bash the boss into splinters. Here she put her arms around me. nek and made a loving sound. I can't describe it, but it was like a gurgling m the throat. By the Loard it was fine. Ah, she is a splendid Christian wolnan, also the best-looking m the Dominion. JIM THE MILKER.