THE CRITIC.

NZ Truth, Issue 123, 26 October 1907, Page 1

THE CRITIC.

Who can undaunted brave the Critic's rage? Or note nnmoved his mention m the Critic's page? Parade his error m the public eye ? A.nd Mother Grundy's rage defy? Half the Pacific is owned by Lever Bros., the Sunlight Soap people. *»■. • . ■ The Lord's Prayer now reads; "Oh, Almighty Flour Trust give us this day our daily Dread." ■ •. * Auckland Hairdressers' Association, complains that some- members cut prices as close as they cut hair. William Barber, a millionaire, landed m the United States fifty years ago m. great poverty. While trampling through New Jersey he rested oh a boulder one day while he ate his lunch. He has now had the boulder to his home m Patterson, and it is to be set up as his tombstone over his grave. The removal cost him £2000. *-••• . * . . A monstrosity m the form of four kittens all joined together was 'born to a cat, the property of a Kumar a resident, a few days ago-. Five, kittens were born altogether, but four were joined at the bodies, and were alive. They were, however, destroyed, after living a day. Five kittens ougjht, m such a circumstance, to constitute one cat, and what a devil of a. row /it would have been able to cause on a back fence. X ■ * Down at Temuka t'other day, on the occasion of some Presbyterian bun-guzzle, or biscuit-snatch, or blow-out, or whatever 'tis called, there .was a bit of a rumpus when a lady, after singing: "Rothesay Bay," got a big encore, and the chairman wouldn't let : her respond, and the result was nearly a riot. There were meeriisters and lay-read-ers anxious to speak a piece also but the crowd wouldn't stand 'em and signified • so m the customary manner, and when the chairman got a hearing he waded m and sharply rebuked the lads, and the Rev. Mr Inglis went one better by expressing the desire to kick the boys. Godly man Mr Inglis, but its only the cowardly sbunk who kicks at anytime. Masterton A', and P. .Association is as keen on the siller as though it lived m Dunedin. The Society is suing members for over-due subs., an ungentlemanly proces| that will make the . superiah Pastof al Associations m other parts shudder with horror. Last year the Masterton Society reckoned that , too many dead-heads were getting into the show, so they decided to brand, all who entered on the hand instead of issuing tickets. They do this sort of thing to the common herd somewhere -i Britain, and its introduction' to the Wairarapa was regarded as a stroke of genius. The New Zealand public kicked up such a fearful riot, however, that the officials j hurriedly fell back on the old system and doled out the pastboards again.

Frorfiitoe Otagq Daily Times '—"A T>lain, elderly persoin, with. a. good home, wishes to meet akind, elderly Christian man with means ; view matrimony. Strictly Confidential. I Times Office." When a female is obliged to advertise that she is plain she must be, and it will require Christian fortitude, with means, to overlook the fact. * • . f A- Feilding Chow the other day offered apples 'f or ' sale at Hd ni" ib. Needless, -to . remark the local municipal inspector did the rest. Why, anyhow, is that Chow not prosecuted and taught a needed lesson, and why is it .that generally, m New Zealand, the Chow is immune from prosecutions. That why takes a lot- of answering. Thomas Patrick Cuttle is a curious kind of fish, and when he appeared before Magistrate Widdowson at Dunedin the : other day oh a charee of vagrancy, .and got three months', he thanked the Beak, who had observed that Wasters like Cuttle deserved to be brought up with a round turn. Cuttle is the com-' panion of thieves and prostitutes and has conscientious objections to work when out of gaol. He has to work when m, the warders see to it. * V » Syrians Mary Karpoz and Remase Karooz had a day out at the S.M.s Court at Westport t'other day. Remase is a hawker and makes things very hot for his missus, and the missus .had her two big sons to back her up. Quite an insight was gained into the rapid manner the alien accumulates wealth, as there was lots of talk about a hundred quid's worth of jewellery and a 30-acre section. Anyhow, all the rows and miseries seemed to be about the dollars, and the Magistrate thought the aliens were better apart, and ordered Remase to pay 30 bob a week for her support. * * • The mystery of the missing finger m Temuka. has been cleared up, and special snout Mcllveney's services are not required. A couple of clays ago a boy took to the office of the local "Leader" the end of a firefinger, carefully wrapped up m an envelope. The owner of the missing joint was next discovered, and he was another boy, employed at Geraldine, It seems that the lad had just left work with the intention of riding home, when he made the experiment on the footpath with his bicycle to see if the chain was running smoothly. To do this he ran his forfinger along the chain, with the result that it got jammed and cut clean oft near the joint. After the accident the ■ boy pluckilv mounted his bicycle and rode away to Dr. Patterson to be attended; to: On the way he held his finger up* tor another- boy he was passing, saying, "Look here, Charlie", I've got my finger off." That boy ought to be careful;' anyhow ; he'll lose his head one of these days, and mightn't find it a hurry !• •.*. ■ • * The small-minded person is apparently an evil m the community .that will never, be eradicated. He should come under the Noxious Weeds Act | and should be rooted out. One :of him, one Blamires, a. squeaker of the mouthy Methodist belief, has been howling, up at Taihape on the desecration of the Satibath by cricketplaying. This vaporous person "declared that to allow amusements to occupy such a prominent place m the hours of the day for rest and worship .must inevitably make for deterioration of individual and national character, and he : earnestly hoped the better judgment of the young mien would prevail. Bunkum ! What would .this hysterical helot have young men do on the S'afobath ? Sit and listen to his drivel m a dreary bethel. Sunday is with many the onIv day of recreation m the week, and if a 'glitoe of cricket makes for deterioration of individual and nation- i al character, then all the better for the world. Rather than that, a Puritanic sway. ♦ • * ••Robert Richard Duddging and Dolly Cameron, lovers, or spooners, or something of the sort, recently wandered into the Orawaiti Cemetery aft Westport, and according to the caretaker they were picking flowers and wantonly destroying the last abodes of Westport's departed. Anyhow, the case was dismissed, as it seemed that the pair only went strolling m the orthodox way of love's young dreamers. The dismissal seemed to greatly excite one Brebner, a local drummer, who was at the back of. the Court, and he roared out, "Hurrah, the Dominion for justice !" "Bring that man back," demanded the Magistrate, and the police in-. I stantly dived out the door, arrested him, and brought him back into the Court. His Worship asked him what he meant by crying out as he had | done. "I wish to say that I only acted oh an impulse. Surely a person is at liberty to express his own feelings m a case like this V No, you are not," said the Magistrate. "In a Court of law a person has no right to express his feelings." "Then I apologise," said the offender. "In that case I will let you off, but take warning for the future," replied the Magistral and the incident closed.

At the recent "Levin fire the populace turned out m very scanty apparel, and many ladies caught cold. One girl who appeared m curl papers wasn't recognised m this strange guise hy her unsophisticated best boy, and another of love's young dreams was shattered. Better disillusion before than after marriage. *" ' .. • * * The Fijian cricketers have received permission from the Governor of the bianana colony to so to Australia to play cricket. The "N.Z. Times" on Monday last mentioned the fact and also • spoke a piece on the good behaviour and general virtue of the matty-haired islanders when m Christchurch. Well, it's hard to say what the "Times" means by good behaviour. The crop of half-bred Fijians -down at Christchurch just now speaks volumes for other things, and it is to be hoped, the Fijians won't conduct their good behaviour on such lines m .Australia. * • • Tragic utterances by the Greymouth "Star" on Rockefeller :— "Adamantine and . conscienceless as the rock that guards its secret, yet this arch-priest of human opposites, who thinks m millions yields entrance to his chequted heart to the prayerful touch of religious opportunism and pours upon the just and unjust the oleaginous stream of santimoniqus pietism. Imperturbable, self-satisfied, unblemished before the tribunal of his magnificent and inviolable Ego, he 'moves m his orbit an irreconcilable mixture, a pathetic figure, undone by his tragic belief m. the possibility of a psychic ambidextral i fatuity— that with one hand he can serve his God and the other Mammon." Hurragh ! * « • It is strange how so many watchmen and sailors are found drowned m Lyttelton Harbor. That mud-hole must surely hold a Maoriland- record for cadavers ; and nobody ever knows how they/get into the water. When the body of Michael Henry, watchman of the dredge 'Manchester, was picked out of the briny the other morning it wasn't yet quite cold, and there were no marks of violence on the body. The deceased didn't drink, and had over £450 m the saving's bank. How Henry got into the water is a mystery ; he was all right and m good spirits a few hours before. The jury was obliged to return the usual verdict. Being watchman at Lyttelton doesn't seem to be good for the health. * * * Burt, the Dunedin brass founder, dropped casually into buried Pompeii t'other day and nearly fainted with surprise when he found that the house service of the new Gisborne water works was an exact replica of the process adopted .by the lavacovered ancients. There is nothing astounding about the circumstance, for the glorious British race hasn't got an original idea of its own, and if the Greek, Latin, French, German and other borrowed expressions were eliminated from the English language there' wouldn't be enough left for people to, make themselves reasonably understood amongst their own countrymen. After all, too, the w.ater . system was very old m the time of Pompeii, and was probably borrowed from the first Rameses, who used to have lunch under the shade of the pyramids before the Pharoahs bossed things m the East. * • * Westport has a police sergeant named Cullen who •is getting himself disliked m the community. The other day the. 'arrest was effected of two small boy thieves, and Cullen, a kind of Czar m his way, actually had the children, for such they were, locked up for a few days, the bouncing bobby' having taken it upon himself to refuse bail. Westport is accordingly man uproar, and to make matters worse, this Czar-like person is brazening it out, and complained to Magistrate Kenrick that a writer m a local paper had taken him to task over his action. This Cullen chap must have a thick hide and ought to be sat on promptly. Like most policemen, he dearly loves to get a conviction and doesn't mind any inhumanity either, if it helps. "No children admitted here," ought to be hung over the portals of the Westport lock-up. * * * The unfortunate girl who is left to battle alone with a surplus infant is pretty common m New Zealand. Some time back Minnie McDonald left a fine, bouncing youngster with Mrs Culverwell, who keeps a registered home at Mount Pleasant, Wellington. Payments were kept up for three months or so, when Minnie started to tall into arrears, and finally owed £9 10s. As the keeper of the kid-farm couldn't support the undesired offspring for ever, she had j a conversation with the police, who discovered Minnie m Napier. That lad'- stated that she had been getting 25s a week m Dannevirke, but was now only earning 14s a week m the city that is proud of its Marine Parade. She offered to 7s a week towards the support of her unwarranted child, and to do what she could towards paying off the debt to Mrs Culverwell, and the youngster was accordin°lv committed to a receiving home. No innuiries jwere made m Court about the male .person who got the girl into trouble.