THE CRITIC.

NZ Truth, Issue 103, 8 June 1907, Page 1

THE CRITIC.

Who can nndannted bravfe the Critic's rage ? Or note unmoved hismentioii m the Critic's pag Parade his error m the public eye ? And Mother Grundy's rage defy ? A' maiden ;won is a madden,'lost- • ♦ • There is ao fool like a religious fool.. •m ■ * Tike jug tfet goes- too often to the pub gejts pawned., . Marriage is like an 1 empty bottle on Sunday morniimig... • • M "Truth is the only sacred thing m the world."— Socialist Crilohrist, Dun[edin.. n * « '■'This Is not a Chinese shop." Thus says the legend on a Courtenay Place fruit shop. Patronise it. tk a 0 / Kelly the Riake, one of Maorilaad's most notorious drunkards went up once again at Christchurch the 'other day. . , " . . . • « ■ .9 Divorce is a : Ghtistian institulion'.-G-i'tJbon says the old Romans refraineft from the privilege of' UiVoree for a period of .500 years,; . To the pure all things ' are pure. Wbwser North should send: his ; soul to "the city laundry with his next jbiateh of f&Avba fioxd

The proof of the padding- is indigestion* ' , : ■'• • -*.«« /■; <; ;. •' ■"'/. '■■-■'}■- ■■ <J*. z <;.*^- i r>A-**' i "~. ' -Twd^up is" lik^ a b olting team!; if s tfiard; t^iieadVem; , . ' '....'■■; '-.•■■'• -.•/•V-Hj:. •'- '■'■'• • • : The:%ise drunk always ireeps sixpe»cij'iflor ithe morning. Peoplfewho don't know a thing a!>cui;"racing..keep the game going. ■• • * ° .The bawling of a Salvationist may be a good lung exercise, but so is a, hearty curse;/ « . • . ■ • ■■ ■ ' You can't well subscribe to. the anti-gambling Lteague, when your tote speculations have cleaned you out. ••■■■• • . Giant Sergeant .. Ru.tledge was ; mounted constable at Tjaraidale once, but; they didn't "draught horses: fjig enough 'for him m Hawke's Bay' —hence the city, arid rapid promotion. ■ -\-;- - drug x fiend|, recently sent up: for . theft .from a girl, pleaded h'afd' : ; for ■ the 5s found on him, but S.M. Me-! Arthur said the 'Prison Gate Society; wouldn't see him short when lie came out. What a drug-less heir gaol will be ! . . ■ * . • , ■. « ■ M - -\ , Extract from the, letter . or a New 'Plymouth Lothario, produced m 'evidence m the Police Court :~"I wish) to goodness I was near you, J but. I have : iiot the wiiwrs of a dove, ; or my darling I would fly like a shot out Of a gun." ,• •__ • ■ • ■■ ■ , ■ i A~ gentleman named Aristotle, now, deceased, remarked once .that the' Greeks were better than the Barbarians, as they did not treat their, wives as slaves, and enjoined on themselves the same faithfulness m love matters that they [.demanded from their wives. 7 .* * * Father Joseph McKJay, m his 'book states that m ancient Egypt, 2QOO years ; 'before 'Qhristi woman ; was'honored. Her husband was regarded as \-s£ boarder, or visitor, who kept up [the establishment. He was also looked upon as a privileged guest. A lot jyi 'em are that way m Wellington to-day..

''It is claimed that Christianity freed America .of slaves" (so quoth Socialist G-ilotirist at Wellington on Sunday), "whereas the most determined opposition to the abolition of slavery came from- the. Christian churches, ' and that opposition was based upGn both- 'the old and I'he row Testaments." Statistics showed 1 hit prior to emancipation, Methodists owned 250,000 slaves), Baptists^ 225, 000, and Presbyterians SO ,OOO slaves. Good old wowsers !

Magistrate: McArthur tempers t justice with mercy,',, but he talks Very straight to the erring.? Five then had been trespassing oh the railway lsne and his Worship surmised, that their time was too precious to go 4 round the proper way. 'gam very busy myself," he said, "and yet I do not cross the line. The fact 'of the matter is you say, the regulations ; I'll see 'em Wowed first.' - Isn''t that it.?'! And. after the-order-ly haid called "Silence m the. Court," his Worship proceeded to deal out fines . and; to charge the delinquents with costs. • ;

?A Christchuroh man, whose oriiftography isn't that of a university professor, and whose language, is <,&S' •warm as sbeol -wails that tiie (.56---vernment takes on men for police duty '"not for interlect, tout they take them because they have • all body and noßraiins if ever there was a lot of • Muttonheads these men are a< lot of yahoos i call them." Our correspondent then proceeds to vilify members of the force who run m street girls, lumps of muck and dirty hounds he calls them. They stand m the morgue dioor awd nail the girls as they pass by. The writer then winds up by saying that the Government should license these women of .pleasure ; under such a system there would fee far less liability of disease being spread through the community. • ■ • m WOWSER BEESON., In. last issue "Truth" exposed the uncleajn mind of semi-pia|rson ■wiowser Beeson. The Christ cast eyes of love upon The knave condemned to death, And dared the crowd to hurl a stone Nor chide with hateful 'breath. ■* "Let him /that 'grievous sin hatii not Take up a stone," said He, And with a stick He wrote upon , The ground the sins .of three. The sins of' four, and*' five, and six Appeared within the dusit, And each threw down his stone and went, . Confounded m his lust. Thus Wowser ©ecson hurls, with hate, - His blue uft-'Chrls'tian rockj And "Truth Writes down ills feln* 1 fulness, .That all tn«,y see ah'd moekt

Moving Waxworks :. BBehiye's a .;>.' ' ,;^WM-.' \-;r^^:2jiA'-*4'----' ■"'■- : • ; '^g^s r^^abck^»i^hs, tout curses ;; ■ . , ■../ ;$ ■',■•■ : -'!'y * : - '".'■' '"■•;'■'•"''• '■'■■'.•' '■ '..;.' Cunious how the unemployed are usually keen amateur politicians. • , • ' . • « .•/. • . ■ • No man rcanfeili: time, ibtacause time will stand -the racket longer than he can. ; '' '" ,-. .;., ■; v.'\ . . - - V : *' -. : *•• ■■■ ''• OwingV ito perverted' hunkh naflvre the dictums of the'. Court- don't possess the moralising effect ■•they should have.' •'■-'■ : - .' '■ y -■_■■ .-.;«■ :.'■': '^'- ' ' : The chap who desires a fat • Government appointniewt . has to battle m a cyclone of ' fnttigife; before ha gets; it v -.. -,--. :^/' ,". ; ;' ;: ; ;: .W; : :;: ...The other woman .is ofteiiupperinost m the cai!y naaLriijed 'man's 1 mind',, and the otfer ( woman is ditto; m th>e woman's Jtou^ht . machine. According t6. tlie Clutha'. Leader :— "A ' well-ltnown. ,Taieri farmer hatl not spent ;.a/<nigh ( t/aWiy from home for. tMrt-y-fqur years^u'p ' till. '.Friday : last." Npw;-',perhia'ps'* i^ • might be 'hard to keep .h'imVhbme. -'< . ■■ „' ■'■ t ■ '-, •''•■ ■ . In ,a marriage wh'ioh took place at Waimate l a;&,t *- week, , ; the .. ;c'pm4rined' age of., the .oontr'acting '. parties was . 128 years. ,'!Bhfe bridegroom Was 78 years of age." •'The'" ''gay 'old' blade has been a l<fng time .settling . . down; at ahy'raW ' •'■' " '■' .-'*•■ "'- "' :s> - ■ .:» ....,:: ;_;'_♦' '■;■■ '■ >;.;•* „ One, One Bill ;,McsKay, 6/J^aifoniii, has . oKered a: "^i^d^,s.b;'i^ie; -^irst pair' spliced au thetilew.chiXf'c'h at Heriot. It will satisfy, the lmrson, anyhow. At the same time, there 1 does . not seem' .to- be "any'tihing approaching a heat wave ihihe '' district' _ so fax .. . • ■■-.-■*" "'■■ ; -' ' ■ ' •' ' ■ . " A mortid minded moocher some m-Sans who i-i^s down Ohfistchurch ,way, visil4.^Ud|ie|e^^3iGpibstpne factories every , da^; apparently with a view to siei^c'tihg , one ,of ornate design ;, to decorate", . his little.. mound m the dis^'ariit fu.tiurc. Some day he may suddenly buy one, and then he'll proaab'ly .want a l?ig discount . for cash,. ;..; ■• .-;• . :

A very unlikely . yarn was spun by a young fellow named Jim Mclntosh at the Christchurch Police Court. He was up for booze and fracture of his prohibition order, and said that he was told that, having done * gjaol; for. a similar thing .previously, his ' order was void, and a new-one :would : ,have .to , be issued. Three quid.

A' . Chnistphurch chap named William. Kirk,. seems .to be .pretty fond of the Victoria' Brewery Company's beer. .-A,, whale back ' he got three months for \ stealing swanky from there, „ and '' the -.other day he was fqunit* m a loft .oii ; the : premises with a' jafc alongside hjm; 'He was charged,with stealing the . jar, which was quitfe empty,. l but the .case a rather weak one, and' Kirk was dismissed.' ■■■•■' ;-,J' ■"• ■"•".-.•

Mrs.Eddyt,-; the Dowie of ChristianScientists m- v America; 'is thus described by '-Mark Twain :— "Grasping-, sordid, penurious, 'famishiiig for everything . , she, sees—money, . power glory 1 — vain; .untruthful, jealous, desr potic,. arrogant, ! insolent, pitiless where thrtntoers and hypnotists : are co'acern>edi J illitera:te, shallow, incapable qf reasoning outside of commercial lines, immeasurably selfish.,''.. It reads -, like a "continued m our next" novelette! ',

Talk about Father Vaughan's onslaught on to the cat and dog- worshippers of , fashionable London. • Londt>n is riot m it with Wairoa, m the Clyde district, <where, according. to a local paper -the other day :— Quite a landmark has disappeared by the death of the largei St. Bernard dog '■'•Nero,", identified with Poyze£ f s- Hotel for so many years. ' He died on Saturday after an illoi&ss of some weeks, and a /painting. was taken by a young.. lady, at the hotel of the huge dog m his last long sleep. The religious editor avideii'tly forget the customary R.1. P./

Many persons of criminal tendencies are . dumped; on , this country simply , ttickuse we have Courts of Law. Alexander Tannahill, a young man charged at Wellington with assault oh Captain Prisfte; of the Suffolk, is an example. He shipped m England and made things lively on board. lie got dlunk when opportunity offered, and \, was '■ suspected of stealing the ship's poor tox. In giving evidence- the captain frankly acknowledged that they wanted to get rid of T-annahilL They were leaving for England that night (TuesV day) and were not very anxious to take the lirisoner on. board. Dr. McAdfaur :•'•' You'd better take him back there. If I sentence him ,to a month, we will have to put up with him. . He vrill keep me busy— or some One else. . .We don't want ! a man who gets drunk, makes trouble, - and js suspected stealing a "poor box:-" Accused was fined £6, or one month.. "Take him with you, captain," said Ws Worship, "tak© him with you."

'„ City ■■•^d^s.■ : -<ifr^•tW'•out-of : ■^rork :^'" the-Eublic bibraryi' " ■ : *--^-.r.-fK -■•"•'• ~": y . -■ ■■• ;■•• .'•■■ ' * I-; .^ ■ ; % ..\ ■starLy, night .•-. f O£< a grumiile— iff the- lady: fails -to' turn-up. • .< • •■- < ' ' • ' a'- ■•.•'■ '»;';-■■■'". '" "# ' ' - '• That "Air Black" team may well te called 'the All Cla.ck team. : The liitter and the sweet— bitter- : beer and the girl who passes it over., *■* ■ * - Bread is the staff of life, hut the; millers seem to' have -a 1 big •grasp of. it. ■ . \ .--.■■• • - * .-.■•• .■ ' \ ; A dass or two of rood beer., or; whisky>would-.liven iip.;inariy- an in-' tending suiqide, and -' prevent the deed.- .-.':■.■

;Why is . it that, so .many people : who . 'get. i^t-o ; trouble are saM to Y be; "rcspectably' connected," or "well ' t connected " ? --, /

;Some of the holy r firms of printers) m Christchurch are m for a. .fair,' thin^ •„■ The Prohib. ■ League intends . i's?uir^- many thousands ....of conies' of vaffioiis articles and sundries right away-, and the awful practise .is. ',tol be continued .right up to the . next general election. It is tinie ■'.. that: an enactment was passed punish ingpersons who litter your front gar-' den with refuse of this sort. '

A'-samipl-o of tlic mushy, muck' which fiaids 'its' way into Sassiety papers ia the lo '.lowing :T-"King; Edward now wears a plain, gold ring "on the ; third finger of his left hand, the result ;of a su^gjestiion franr a society lady, ttoa't it would induce, married men to wear ri%s, her idea being that man should Ire ticketed}, so to speak,, as' definitely, as is the matron." Yes, but soon© of the sexless creatures require man, mere man, to have a ring through his raise. •

Fiji is making use of some of the Kanakas . repatriatod from ' Q'land by ; making , p^qMoemen put ol them.. Tommy T&Mia* as, "' a trap isaiiuge joke, and Fijian papers are ; cbmplarairig mat foe "slops" should : tie more fully in-structed m their duties, and pjives 6iie reason v/^hy m telling of a Kanaka kbp who bailed a white up at mid>n i ifeih'fc .'and' uouid not be convinced that he' was • not a haHoaste, aovd 't'hreat^ned' to lock him up unless a permit was 'produced. ■* ■ ■ .» x ' *

Tbe land of the eternal Yank once again. The Noo Zealand Alliance, which takes^ its drink without froth, is sending Parson Dawspn to Murka to .secure •info-rhiationi.in the .campaign at next election. And the Rev. W. Thonipson has , v ,«en sent there by Mr Publichouse with , a- similar iffbject. Well, well, but winy go away from the colony at all, seeing that ProhiMtion is: such a rank failV iire here. Liquor galore; can be obtained m any of -the prohibition districts, but it is of such a deadly nature for the most part that doctors and chemists are doing a vastly increased business.. '■■ ■ - '■.

The exqessiye mortality amongst' children m New Zealand is not aittf-; gather 'confined to the gradual murder of the unsanctined infant. KidsV born m the ultra-respectable bed of' wedlock shed their lives for w^.nt of mother's milk> ] Also, the' mothers, by, their neglect to suckle their offspringsuffer permanent injury. Dr.' Triiby. King, lecturing at Christchurcji., remarked that Jewish infants outstripped m height, weight and vitality the Gentile babies, because, the . Vid j dish mothers were commanded to suckle their young. One of 'the greatest authorities m New Zealand- told the doctor that ths majority of married women who came to him for operations did •so because they had not done their duty m feeding, their infants. In the course of nature there was a diversion of the enormous blood supply of the pelvic orgams to the breast after ohild-birth; but if the child was not suckled the pelvic organs remained enlarged and engorged, and many disabilities were liable to result.

1 It was stated m some illuminator of the printinp- universe that it was seldom a Jew\ was had up for drunkenness, and seldom for theft ; which 1 fcnay te, -but the writer dunno He has seen a soddened Jew standing; .on top of a seacliff, imagining that he was a sailor on -the mast of a boat : and he has known Jews who didn't know what theft was. A fair "do" was always good so long as it was always a fair "beat" : one done "honestly " that is. Well, a man who could beat a Jew wouldn't foeaib a carpet for a . living ; that's certain. A chap with a nose, like a crook walking stick has been getting his name : up m: Christchurch. Nine times has he been un for theft ; the gent wasn't taught en ouch m his infancy. The other day he presumed to take a suite of clothes, and also a gold watch. Nothing extravagant about Adam Myers M^ers Myers. A gold watch is cheap .enough , these days, bait he will have to thieve, or do time at Lyttelton durins: the next twelve months, with no extra pay for holidays.

: The forger and -^he * 'ringing, the bh^ngeis"- man have fceeh op. the job m ( Qhi;istcjiurdh^laitely ; |\v*tih : . ; tne - siame ' [^M^^suitir^Th'ey took business ■ ''pfeo- l 4Hf ttqwij}, and. wexc tak©n down :to Lyttelton themselves afterwards.,

There are thousands of people who think it : is no offence to smoke on a railway platform, and on an excursion day. dense clouds darken the atmospheire m the vicinity. The weary railway d'spartment extends a mailed, first , occasionally, aad picks out an offender .or two, but Still the ; public . 'smokes with increasing fury. '.One. shillin.e;' 1 and costs was the pu.iii&hment ' of, .an offender at Wellington, on" Wednesday.

, Transpires ■ that the reason why a great ; many *of Chfistchurch Y.M.CvA.i «ush don't turn up at those hideous daylight meetings m t;he sniftire is that tliey "go. at > the ltnees" when attempting to address a curious crowd. So said an old bloke of 'that persuasion at a "Strangers' Tea". ..meeting lately. He said that ladies, turned up better than men but -as to whether they shafe \at the' knees or not the gentleman didn't vouchsafe to observe.

„ Dr.., "Jim, "..the Johannesburg raider,; and now Premier of Cape Town, .took to England with him a black son of a guni: who claims rorty King Lobien^ula,: late- Mata-toele chief, as his "^opi)er." ' The nig. is to be educated m England, and has been enrolled for the summer term at Denstone College, Staffordshire. When that "nig" domesto his own he will fenow considerable, a ; nd, having receiyed. a : thorough English education, he will learn^ to respect the good old flag, while harems and' other un-English things.

•: A ■ seaman "■^♦ho was stranded . here the other day.; applied to.Missioner Moore of the ' Seaman's Mission for •some .clothing to take him dm to ■Taihape, /Where he was promised work hy „,• the • labor bureau 1 on :■ ; the Main' Trunk lite. The good missianer told him> that he could only help seamen . joiner to sea, so eventually the- sailor applied to lie Superintendent of. the Sailor's Rest, who fiked him with some clothing, and took him' to the Benevolent Associajtion Secretary, who furnished the rest of the' outfit, and gave him some shelter and' ■'breakfast. Can anyone tell us what Mister Moore does for the sailor-man, anyhow ?

'The "Raisg-iora Standard" has the following' to say of N.Z.- "Truth" :— Welliinston • '-'Truth" claims to have a circulatioin of 40,000. If this is the truth, then that paper must be the largest" circulated wwkly paper , m New Zealand. At the price the paper is ohargod for, the lucky proprietor must he . . coining money .-— ' 'Truth" bltishes to have to admit .that the largest circulation is a true? bill, and, moreover, wece forced -to make known our greatness to show how insignificant insect- North, is 1 m .the way of ddimg practical and lasting good. If •the editor of the ''Standarid" ish-puld visit.- 1 Wellington at any mmc, we would 'be pleased any Thiirsday or Friday, nrgh-t to show him the/issue •put through .|' :

; While the press of the colony have" been. War tog aibiout f dotbatt 1 prof essianali^m a<ad the refusal of players to sign 'declarations, none seam to have been so clear and explicit on the affair as the -^Wairoa Guardian," ;which is published m- the Clyde,. Hawke's Bay district. In its issue. of May 27, it published the following ■telegram from Duniedin : — ;;: .,'-, l ' DUNEDIN, To-day. • Six out of eight Otago men nominated for this season's teams, ; have signed a declaration that owing- to the, wet weather, the Day v.> MbLauchlan match be postponed' to 3rd June. Now, Critic- understands why the N.Z.R.U.) were so prompt m their action, . ' . . -' ;, ' vThe profits of a railway refresh-. ,'nient room are considerably minimised by the continuous ■disappearance of crockery, and cutlery. Cups; and saucers carried on by /train are! retunned . iby the railway officials, J but! ' articles of a convenient sizp^ have a habit of vanishing without .explanation. The proprietor mitigates the trouble to some extent by brandinE the ware, but still they go. A sailor from the Corinna was ; arrested at Wellington for drunken-; .ness on Tuesday, and had m his possession three glasses bearing the Kaitoke .refreshment-room name. The devil only knows where he got them from, or rather Nick shares that knowledge with the Omnipotent, but the riddle was beyond Justices Me.Lean and Lambert. Also the driFnk j himself appears ignorant. The glasses were no good to him m his occupation of • splicing the main, funnel, or vrbatever his duties were— •and the only feasible explanation j was - ,that some other, drunk had soort'inely planted the glasses on. him. The Court gave it up, and fined the .drunk ss, and ordered the, return "of the glasses. There is method m that, branding.