FAIL'S FAILING.

NZ Truth, Issue 93, 30 March 1907, Page 6

FAIL'S FAILING.

A Very Fishy Yarn.

Our Christchurch correspondent ruminates thusly .—By his letter m last issue. Fail,- of foul fish-flavor fame, admits the justice of the caustic comments anent his stink establishment. Since it took, by his own admission, six strong-stomached serfs, armed with crowbars and other aggressive implements to dig away the blocks of solidified stench from his savory sanctum, Fail pleads guilty m a loud tone. Fail's epistle on stink discloses the master mind— on that subject. Trips over himself, though, m one particular ; where he wants a comparison made, as regards stink, between Fail's edible emporium and "Truth's" reporter's breath. If he were willing to bet on it Fail would fail— fail fearfully—to scoop the' pool. This deponent knows one man who reckons lie might on one occasion have come somewhere within coo-ec of beating Fail's factory with his windpipe. Happened this way. Cove had been out for the evening, with a friend, of course, and having ascertained, to their mutual dissatdsf act-ion, that none of the barleycorns were committing a breach of the licensing laws regards hour of closing, decided that the next best thing to do, under the circs., was to eat. They hied them to a "restewrant" m Man-chester-street (they were VERY drunk), and called loudly ' for fish. The fish called loudly m reply, but they weren't m a condition to give it back talk. What happened subr

sequently on thiatf joyous evening isn't clear, but what; is clear is that for days after this fellow was haunted by a horribly nauseating odor of stinking fish. It was a terribly trying time. Got into a tramcar, thoughtlessly} two days after and the rest of the passengers got out at I the next stopping plaoe, and a few ! yards further up the street the motor broke and <t>he pole came off the wire simultaneously. . The same day the chap's favorite dog, whilst being fondled, suddenly rolled over on' its side, growled thickly twice, blinked three times, and— with an Et tv Brute look m its eyes— died ; a hurried explanation that it was a case of Et fish being without avail iii his case. Old friends broke off acquaintanceship at short notice, and it eventually took some gallons of \3ondy's fluid and other antidotes to remove the awful • aroma of fearful flounder. If the contest Fail suggests: had, come to .pass then, the' judge would probably have decided it a draw, the two sniffs beine; so much alike. To-day Fail's foundry would win dead easy, the fish victim being ablfe to produce- Mstificates" from has best girl and others m a position to judge as to the purity of his breathing apparatus. .