THE CRITIC.

NZ Truth, Issue 93, 30 March 1907, Page 1

THE CRITIC.

Who can undaunted brave the Critic's rage ? Or note unmoved his men tion m the Critic "s page? Parade his error.in the public oyo ? . And Mother Grundy's rage detv?

"Truth", is a stranger to fiction.

A sure way to get blood stains out of clothes is to burn them.

A deaf and dumb mute was charged with drunkenness at -the S.M.s Court on Tuesday last. Why -on earth the police could not have fixed up a charge of obscene language against him is what set everybody wondering. Such a thing is possible even m Wellington. „[ ..

ChristchurclK "Press", excused itself for not publishing the culprit's name m it's "How Quacks Flourish"' article last week by weakly •wailing that the blaz-ing forth of the individual. usually meant an increase m the number of Ms clients, The spine-, less- rag wasn't afraid of tin action' for libel, of course ! , ■

Mary Collins, who came a cropper at the S.M.s Cpittt, otV^uestfajMask wfttenY for habitual drunkenness 'timid. V-ile; . dbscene. lan'guape. she repeived nfee ' Diontlis' imprisonment, told the Beailc that she hoped he would be b — — well dead when she came out, and then he could give her twelve months'. But as Mary is a 1 daughter of Erin the bull is excusable

Some fool firemen participating m the torchlight procession on the Avon amused themselves by discharging rockets __ at the crowd ' on either bank. After a man had bedn .burnt on the face, a girl's 'hair set on fire, and a, baby m a pram temporarily m danger of roasting, the supply of rockets gave out, or .prolbivbly a death or two might have had to be recorded against the fanatical fire fiends. ..'•,.•■ '

Chinese gamiblers from Hainingstreet, .when before the. S.M.s Court last week, through their counsel protested against being publicly paraded m the Court. Now, had it been white gamblers who dared do .suqli a thing, Heaven alone knows what would have happened. The impudent, cheeky Chow seems to. do darn well what he pleases m this country. There ought to be more Lionel Terrys m pur midst.

. A cove who says he laiows votes the • punsandel Hotel the warmest put-back as regards accommodation, or the : lack . of it. . Eighteen pence lor an, apology for a tea that would cost t sixpence m town, and another three' sprats for the privilege, of '■'snoozing".' on a stretcher is fairly torrid, considering, too, that, inform-; ant and his mat© were only-.work-ing men 1 passing through. These way-back pub proprietors want shaking up, .middling slick, but the licensing committees never seem tp trouble them.

There is a butcher out at the Upper Hutt that the Stock. Inspectors, or Health Department Inspectors, should keep an eye on. He is m the habit of slaughtering for human consumption, cows that .are within a month of "calving:. Nothing more dastardly cruel or inhuman can be imagined than, that, and besides the consumer must be considered. 1 At any rate it is to be trusted that the very mention of the fact will put the Inspectors on the alert. That butcher is well-oiamed. He ought to be flayed alive.

Wanganui is just now suffering from an overdose of fortune tellers: Whether it is the fault of the black sand or the Hattrick monopoly it is difficult to determine, . but the fact remains that the inhabitants of that town give these harpies a very good hearing, indeed. One man m very delicate health has very nearly gone dotty because a fortune-teller told him that lie 1 would dile wilOiin ai year. Another man is, troubled with a green-eyed monster because some cursed harridan told him" his wife wasn't true to him. But the absolute ring-tail trick is that practised by a' number of young men who square these fortune-telling people to tell certain young girls who visit them that they will never have children. Any goodj,

; A wonjanx always means iwhit- she; /s^s^f" kfce's m>rried,. aM talking to ! ;Ker husbatfd. ' ■:■' . ' - . " ".- --■ ■;.- :: ; '■'."'. ■'■■ .■■•■-■'■ : >; •' ' . '■'*'■■ '■■' ■ //■■Tjid^wpiiiafr-whb isn't virtuous Car.riesv, the 'keenest microscope for the rest of her sex. .'. o « « ■Henry 111. was the first English sovereign to coin gold. And they've been coining it ever since. . .: * •' * Thomas Boshta was married m Melbourne' last week. It's to be hoped he'll prove a "Boshta" husband, ■ ..; ■."".■•■ ■ ■ • • ;yhey say that long hair makes -.a man , look intellectual-^except when his wife finds one oh his coat. Then he:' looks foolish. '.'. ..' .■-.•.-"• • ■ •'John. Lemonon, cutter,"' was the official; designation of Williams-town's late member m the Vie. Legislatisve Assemibly; Why not "lemon squeezer'?" -• . Some country papers ought to quit publishing "health notes." One paper is telling people how to lie when asleep. '. Those papers would 'be doing some service if they instructed some people to tell the truth when awake. It is not' generally known that the •insignia of the Golden -' Fleece conferred upon the first Duke of Welling-' ton was that actually worn by Columbus', and, as a. special mark of Spain's gratitude, this insignia was made hereditary, so that the present Duke is the proud possessor of the star worn by the discoverer of America.. . • ' ... ♦ . • • • Sir 'John Herschell has estimated that .a comet does not weigh more than a few ounces, though its tail may t>e millions of miles m length. ;Aai airy trifle, apparentlyL^Then wfey are we tto look out *siTa comet ; that's going' to play hell generally. • Surely >ald£at4jh ;can stand the 'shock; of being SSfuhi'ped by an ounce or two of brimstone, or something. '■-.-. • ■• ■ • • ' » . . ' . :.. At G-isborne, the other day, six •Maori couples, previously ' united under .the H'auhau religion, were married by the Anglican clergyman, having embraced the Church of England religion. • \ The ceremony was made the occasion of a great Naturally ! " The Maori will make anything i\i(i occasion of a great feast, but m this instance^ divorce is just as easy as ever. A big', hulkiriie: mass of humanity, •who appeared before Magistrate McArthur at the S.M.s Court on Tuesday .morning last for pilfering from a shop-front, was told by the Beak that he preferred thieving to hard work. ''Laborers were valuable now-a-^days," said the Magistrate ; "men of the • thief's physical, not moral type, were, what the country needed,; but to laborers, like the domestic servants, employers* had to go down on their knees to them." . ■ ■'.':..* , » ■ ■ » ■ ' ■■ ; ;, . They are settling the servant ' ..gtrl- 1 (Question m Melbourne, where youths are. being ercipldyed|in the't>.ed-aiiaking< .and 1 , slop-rpail carrying industry, andPublic . Opiohipii, the kind that has ' a' big, belly, says boys a,'re far .less i ro'U'blesome than women. But won't those boys be useful when the bugle calls them to the front ; what useful 1 orderlies they will make to featherbed, officers.. What are we to do with our girls is now the cry. A .-• • • ■■•■•. . '• The poor and oppressed ye ' have always with you. Here m progressive New (Zealand, the land of 'fat and plenty it -is' a crime to Tie "poor and starving. Down at Westport the other, day a frail old woman, sufferring. from rheumatics, appeared before the Magistrate, charged with having, no lawful visible means of support. She gave her age as somewhere near 59, but looked considerably older, suggesting to the Magistrate that her real age might make her entitled to the old age pension. He, was unwilling to send her to the gaol, b.ut did not know " if there was ; a Home open for such unfortunates. :Fiiially. the .Magistrate granted a remand m A order that, inquiries might .be made as, to 'whether there was a receiving home . or other place m which" the ■unfortunate woman could be cared for. , . - ,• .";■'••..• • • ■• ■ •. ■ . ■ A couple of Napier boys had a painful (experience last Sunday. They set out for a bike ride, but before they got far into tihe country they came across a horse and trap hung up to a fence, the occupants were eybientlv gather•ing' ferns -or something. Any how among other signs of good living the two hopefuls spotted a bottle of Whisky. One stowed the whisky under his coat and away they' went. Now, just what effect' that whisky had is not exactly known, but the fact remains that the pair returned to town per spring dray with only one bike, a black eye, and less than half-a-dozen teeth between them. The rate they came down a certain hill is said to hay« been something awful, but nothing to the suddenness of the stop when they hit a fence at the '■bottom. - It ; has been .an excellent 1 joke m railway circles— that is, to everyone but the victims.