THE CRITIC.

NZ Truth, Issue 92, 23 March 1907, Page 1

THE CRITIC.

. ■ » Who can undaunted bravo the Critic's rage ? Or note unmoved lusmention m the Critic's page? Parado his error m the public eye? And Mother Grundy 's rage defy ? Hastings folk are more energetic than of yore. The town has been lately visited with a ,plague of fleas. T A female clairvoyant .got six months' hard under the vag. at Auckland the other ,day: "Trust no future, ; . however, •' unpleasant, ' ' she might have sang. - ■' '•■■ *'. : • ' '■•- ./ ■' • ' At .Masterton, where the stinking yellow alien is regarded as a docile creature, the laundry competition has become so keen that the " haythens " have . considerably reduced their charges. ' ' .• ■ • . • A careless reporter, , commenting "on the illness of a Wellington parson t'other day, said the reverend gentleman was "reported to be sinking." Shouldn't it be '' transending " m a case like this ? •.• • • A New Zealand clergyman says that the time is coming, when the members of a church choir will behave as well as other people. He does not, < however, make any pro- ] phecy m regard to the clergy. j **. * j The Opunake Caledonian Society have decided that, as no brass bands are available, to have a phonograph to supply music at their annual function. Ye gods ! Bagpipes .and a phonograph. The Society should be arrested for cruelty to animals. • * • A white man, curse ;hittn, has had the temerity to . open a fruit store at Petone. This, m face of the fact that the Chow has ejected a corner m. fruit, is deemed a sufficiemt im~. pdrtan^-item® " ' fo^be" !rt pub'- v lished m every, paper, m New Zealand. And sortie folk say there is no." Yellow Peril." A letter addressed to Mrs. Roosevelt was recently, held at the Upper Alton (Illinois) post office because the writer neglected to place a postage stamp on the envelope. Postmaster Seitz sent a formal notice to Mrs. Rqosevelt that the letter would be forwarded when the necessary two cents were remitted. • ■ • • In the fruit shop of a Celestial m Palmerston, says a local paper, there has been displayed m a prominent position for several days past a striking looking dayft'ill of Messrs Macmahon's latest dramatic production, " The Yellow Peril." In this instance John could hardly . have asked his customary question : "Whaffor ?" A candidate for a seat on the Feilding Borough Council; thus states Ms qualifications :— " I have a very thick skin, -teeth like a shark, I can fight and hang ■on like a -bulldog, I am as tame as a rabbit/ I have courage, I hope, and I fear no man." That man ought to be m Parliament. Such virtues are, wasted m a municipal counpil. • ■*. - •• Christchurch carting contractors, with ' an eye to economy, have a habit of employing one carter to take charge of two and even three drays. The driver steers the first vehicle and the others follow on, attached by ropes to the first dray. A dangerous practise' this, and /besides it does many eligable drivers out of a billet. Where's the Drivers' Union ? •• ■ • . An absent-minded beggar .mislaid a £1500 cheque up Gisborne way. He was a passenger to Gisborne, and left his pocket book containing the big cheque, (the proceeds of the sale of a racehorse) and a sum of money m cash under the pillow of his bunk when he left the vessel. The stewards handed the pocket book, with its contents intact to the Gisb ornate. .•• • • In the course of a Maori divirce case heard at the Wanganui Supreme Court last week, counsel for the corespondent asked the respondent whether the Maori counsel hadn't questioned her about living with the. co-respondent. " Oh, I know something about these courts,'? said His Honor Mr Justice Chapman. "They fine adulterers £10 all round and feast on the money." • • * Ngauruhoe, near Tongaxiro was climbed for the first time since tho recent eruption by Dr. and Mrs Marshall and Mr- Grummett, of Dunedin, last week. So far as could be seen, the crater was unchanged by the eruption, which was still m progress. Showers of mud were encountered, , and at the summit the atmosphere was so thick that everything was obscured, and the ejection of mud could not be witnessed. The following day a fine outburst was seen from the mountain house, when steam and dust were ejected to a height of from 3000 to 4000 feet, land fell over the country to the north-west m showers of mud.

'• ■ <•• • . ■ ■ •* •' ' ■• v, Messrs Currie, Ginger and Pepper were the players m one combination m a recent Wellington bowling match. Hot stuff rather. • » • Jay Ja"^ North says cheap abuse has : teen thrown at Ministers by cowards who conceal their identity. Well, those cowards are unlike North, they simply hate to gain cheap "notoriety. • * • Why doesn't the City Council place more lights m Farrish-street. The use that some of the front steps ofi the warehouses m that vicinity .are iput to on and Sunday nights would suggest that ' Wellingto n. is very- lacking m places of public convenience. .•■• • . • Girls, listen to this. An up-coun-try yokel,' writing m "some village paper, says . "The girls of Welling-ton-appear different from their sisters of other towns. Perhaps the wind of the Straits freshens them up ; at any rate there is a fresh, bright, energetic, elastic movement with them all." Yes, some of them do "chuck" themselves about all right. •'. • • According to J. J. North', a ministes of religion who has anything to say about social evils always fights m the open. Quite so, ministers of religion say a lot on social evils, but do absolutely nil to minimise those evils. Talk is always cheap, and that is why North and his nasty, niggardly crew of canting Christians remain m the rear-ground when something practical is required. ■•,■'••-■;• * ' j A large cowspanking concern near I Ashburtori, m its weird, wild rush after the almighty dollar, employs ; inftnj" men . who tucker themselves, ; but they are not allowed even the ;one article of food they producer-tot--vter;, 1 f ree*pr - even at,.- c9st3ri.ce.:; 'Thej™ have,' to get it at the store m the ordinary way, and pay top price for it every blessed time. Grab the last cent is Fat's creed— specially ButterFat's! ;■ . ■ The landlady sometimes is a difficult problem to solve, but one of her exists m College-street that ought to ■•'take care less she strikes trouble. Her— pet fancy is to collar the cutlery and other property of lodgers, and then defy the police and all the world to make her pungle up. .This particular dame is a virago of the vilest kind, and being often drunk plays up hell at all times. . A hint ought to suffice, otherwise her name will be published, and the police prompted to take action against her. » . ' -'ft * • r . There, has been a lot of jobbery over, those Exhibition stamps. A Christchurch . philatelist, who thought lie sa*w' a good haul out of some gummy squares he held, made an offer to .sell to Stanley Gibbons, the celebrated stamp firm m. London. When the reply came, to the effect, that they could get all they required from the Agent-General there, the -local man said things. Why, the. whole, issue wasn't distributed m the colony; so that the people here could, make what profit there was to.be made out of the stamps, is a conundrum that requires a lot more explanation than it is likely, to jget.'; What encouragement has a nian to keep his. cradle full when he is poor and can't afford a big house rent J . A', working man who has increased the population by eight recently applied for a house at Johnsonville. He understood from the. ajgent that the house was his at a rental of. 15s a week, and on the strength of this he invested m a bicycle to ride m and out to work. To his, surprise he. received a letter from the agent stating that Mr. Loddor (of the City Buffet), the owner, objected to tenants with more than three children. It- is always the landlord who is bellowing for the full cradle, but -when it comes to scratching' the paint off his new house he objects to the full cradle with much violence. - With reference to the discovery of human remains m a tree at Waimate (mentioned m " Truth " last week) Colonel Porter states that he has no doubt that it was one of. Te Kooti's. men, who was wounded m the running, ' fight which followed upon the repulse of the Maori leader's raid on Tologa Bay m July, 1870. Fortunately a friendly native wained the settlers regarding the projected raid, and it was Colonel Porter, who, with Captain Richardson, got" some mounted men together land set off to. relieve the settlers. TeKooti was, however, retreating inland when the relief party arrived. Colonel Porter raised a scratch force including- 100 friendly, natives, from Tologa "Bay, and started m pursuit. A running fight followed, and no doubt the man whose remains have just been found, was wounded, and ! took refuge m the hollow tree. Colonel Porter states that several s'imila«r discoveries have been mad© in*] the forest at the rear of the old ,NKatapu pah, where a battle was fought m 1863.