LETTER FROM LONDON.

NZ Truth, Issue 91, 16 March 1907, Page 8

LETTER FROM LONDON.

THE SELFISHNESS OF JOHN BULL.

Chow Chasers and Channel Croakers.

The Coddling of Canada.

LONDON, January 10, 1907. I am inclined to think that John Bull is on par with that parson celebrated m song, who pointed out the narrow, stony path of asceticism to his flock, whilst he danced a cancan on the velvety sward Where pleasure held her court. Bull, like the manufacturer of the quack medicine that cures every thing, from housemaid's knee to lumpy jaw, takes! a different potion altogether when disease attacks his own carcase, and deludes, himself into the belief that it is sheer compassion for the other sufferers that prevents him from swallowing a vatful of the mixture. He is growing old and selfish ; he has adopted a "look out for No. 1" policy, and the lash and daring that made him a rim wanderer and a trail blazer are fast disappearing. He is old, SELFISH, AND SHORTSIGHTED . The other day, when 30 Chinamen wandered intjo Liverpool with only a few bob and a spare pair of bloomers m their outfit, Bull got on his rubber heels and snorted into space. He was great— he was magnificent.. The scribes of the Liverpool dailies got a bustle on, and, going out into the byways, discovered opium dens where the giddy Liverpudlian damsel could slide down to hell at a rate that would set a dry grass track alight with the friction generated by her movements. They found Chinesemanufactured pitfalls, 1 into which Virtue might stumble if she came out without a strong escort;, and they pictured the junior bank clerics angling vainly for "nines" m pak-a-pu joints, or dabbing; the deposits ef Fat men on "nim-fan," and waiting with a weird expectancy while a juggling croupier, raked m the coins. They made a great scare, and, ceasidering the respect the British journalist has for the truth, it is worth recording. Yet, not one single parson, one paper, or one ordinary citizen stood up, to barrack for the Ohinkies, who , were, being treated to a mixture supposed . to be manufactured and sold only m the colonies. THE STODGY BRITISHER, would understand the ' "White Australia" policy quicker: than a boozer understands the" eomeanaveadrink signal if this climate was suitable for the- stained mongrels from Asia, and his bolts would go home withY ■rattle if the gentleman with the tablecloth iieadgear and hooknosed slippers . was continually battering- at his back-door. He cannot understand our antidote till- the poison gets into his system ; then he moves quickly. T'other day a mob of German gypsies "made themselves notorious by enticing stray horses to join their caravans till likely "buyers appeared ;- but the British Copper passed them quickly from town to town, and adroitly worked them on to a boat bound for Kaiser Bill's dominions. He knqws a bit. does Bull, although his. indignation is unlimited when tie reads ,«the^' Argus" mythograms of indignities perpetrated ' up6n*^ s the guileless Hindoo that are dished up by the lying, nest-fouling scribes, whose stenchful items respecting the Commonwealth should come home per freezing chamber. • .• ••■■•• Regarding the proposed Channel tunnel, our concern over a probable Asiatic invasion is nothing compared to Bull's over an improbable French incursion. He dreams , of a .Napoleon with a sword between 'his teeth crawling out of V - A HOLE AT DOVER some morning, and streaking through the fog towards London before Thomas Atkins, Eso has made preparations to receive him. The military heads' denounce the scheme as a villainous attempt to throw away an advantage specially given to England by God,, who put the -32-mile moat round their shores so that the seasick invader coulii be promptly bludgeoned before he had time to recover from his complaint. Let Australia throw open her gates to the dirty scum of Asia, who will pilot the way for the: bloodthirsty butchers who will follow m their tracks, but the motherland will take no chances, not for all the greasing of fat financiers, 'who have taken advantage v of the entente cordiale to resurrect their scheme. What a delightful bown der the ordinary Britisher is ! The "Daily Mail" has been collecting opinions from small pooh j bahs, and this is a sample,, printed m their issue of January 8 ;— Another prominent member said tersely : "I have no objection to a Channel Tunnel. Let it be built, if they can Ket the money, on one condition— that we are granted by the French Government the right of keeping a fair-sized British force at the French, end of the tunnel. ■Unless, it is so-, I do not think that the City will have much to do with the project." , „ -/'. ■ ■"..'♦■■•> ::., '■■•■■•_■■ . • ' ' ... Dash my buttons,,' T had imagined Bull with two arms as long as those generally supposed to be possessed by coincidence, waiting to throw them round the . WHOLE HUMAN RACE, but I find I am mistaken. .1 ascribe ■•my •■ false conceptions to a too vivid imagination and ,a course of Bruce. Smith; but I. am. now busy taking out each idea and carefully smashing it, replacing them with judiciously selected ones picked up at headquarters. • The , London dailies 1 have published enough offensive remarks concerning France to provoke ten wars if. a sensitive person like sore-eared Bill of Yarmany sat on the President's perch. Bull is a Jew, and he carries a 'two-headed penny up his sleeve, and wants TO CRY "FACE" every time he tosses. -He shows the true British spirit m protecting his own shores, and the true British impertinence m guardiag both ends of the sewer, so that no . uniformed Frogcater can crawl into the burrow without his permission. Surely, with , such a good example, "Hindoohen- ' dough" Henley, Smifr. Fitchctt, ■ Boyce and Company, will allow us to I

keep the sliprails up against the stinking Pagan, who is a bigger danger to our fair island than all the Continent is to England. • # • ■At the present time Australia ranks' last of all the colonies m the estimation of the Britisher. They notice a certain amount of disrespect m the actions of the Commonwealth because the people are beginning to see that they will be left to battle for their own hearths and homes when Bull's little trouble with India crawls on to the scrapping patch. AND IT IS COMING. Kitchener sees it, and Kitchener is trying to build un the native troops so that their loyalty will stand the strain when the moment arrives. He has increased the emoluments of nearly every class of native soldier, kit and boot, allowances have been raised, and special concessions made m the matter of free passages- to troops who desire to spend their furloughs m their own homes. And all this at a time when an ironjawed Commander with a record as a hell-born martinet is sent down to Portsmouth to grind the spirit out of a crowd of stokers who made a slight protest against the orders of a supercilious cur, who dragged men on their knees while he chattered. The ominous rumblings m India are disturbing the minds of British Ministers at the present moment, and when the storm does break, may THE LORD HELP AUSTRALIA, •. * * As anotker instance of Bull's selfishness the present position of Canada sitting with the bullseye of affection turned full upon her is worth nothing. Gush m large quantities is , swopped between the Dominion and the motherland, because the , former is the dumping ground for J the spineless "Church Homers" and Salvarmy sinners Australia refused to touch, and _ they make fat and mighty dividends for 1 the land companies and the Canadian-Pacific Railroad. Men are being lugged out there with false promises of highly paid work, yet, although thousands are stranded, not one grunt climbs into a press glad and eager to seize on the smallest complaint made by the Australian immigrant. In the public libraries I find men poring over the Canadian newspapers, gazing longingly at mboze and , caribou hunting parties, and alluring advertisements concerning; Canada meet one everywhere. It is all Canada. She is LOYAL AND ABJECT, a good nioney-maMng centre for the paunchy investor ; she doesn't kick out the nigger, for the simple reason the nigger does not go there, having more respect for his toes and fingers; and lastly, the working man does not ask loudly for his rights as he does m the Commonwealth. And at the rate Booth and -his brigade are stocking the dominion, it will toe a darned* long^ time 'before he does. The difference between ■- a- respectable emigrant and a waster who has- been chopping kindling wood for a daily bowl of soup and, a night's lodging is great, and when the time for.concerted action on the part of the workers comes m Canada, it will take a devil of a lot of talk to mock backbone into the battalions now being rushed across. I examined a few of them at the Salvarmy 's shipping, offices m the East End on' Monday, and a more hopeless lot of stunted, wizened, undersized bipeds I never my gaze on. We missed a lot by refusing to have any truck with this old , SANCTIMONIOUS SHYLOCK, who gets his commission by shipping .these half-starved wretches across the Atlantic. Even Joe Chamberlain wakes out of the lethargy of partial paralysis to send his whoop across the ocean —at least, it is supposed to be signed by Chamberlain," although the knowing ones smile, and the Dominion staggers under the back-patting it is receiving. He thoroughly appreciates "their patriotism and the sentiment which strongly moves them m the consideration of all questions of commerical preference between Canada and the mother country." But where, oh, where, is Australia ? We are slipping out 1 " OF BULL'S HEART, because it is a commercial arrangement and he finds that we are absolutely useless to further any schemes that will benefit Britain. We snort at the Jap, we kick his beloved Hindoo from the gate, and give the icy shoulder to the White- , chapel wasters that his hook-nosed roundcr-up would rush on to us, so what use are we ? It is a waste of breath and money for Bruce Smith and his mob. to bawl about the chains that bind us, and send home long cablegrams informing . Bull that the bonds will stand any aoid, and are stamped on every link, for.- Bull knows better. He has got the proper measure of Smith's ' brigade of Hempire leaguers. He knows they are a lot of BAT-EYED BANDICOOTS, who try to breed loyalty by pairing a penny bun with a yard of bunkum m the inside of a school kid. Bull knows the Australander is beginning to wake up. for he hears the buzz of the big. hives -of Asia, and if. Bull is, afraid of the swarming, how should Australia feel out on the , rim of the earth with an enemy who ' is the sworn pal of the motherland ? ,