A HOLY HYPOCRITE.

NZ Truth, Issue 90, 9 March 1907, Page 5

A HOLY HYPOCRITE.

CONTEMPTIBLE CANTERBURY CAD.

Churchman, Sunday-school Teacher and Adulterer,

111-uses a Friend and Breaks Up a Happy Home,

It is certainly a most remarkable thing that a goodly proportion of people who go astray on the sly, and who are respectability itself — the personification of respectability—until they are found out, are the prayerful pimps of parsondom.; the lively, lovely locusts of the collection^ plate ; the Sunday-school super imtehdents of sacred aspect, and all the rest of the rag-tag and bob-tail of churchy chousers who chose to sin under the cloak of religion. Yet it is a solemn fact, and the wonder is that most .of them aren't , found out sooner than ; they are. -Bjit they seem to inspire respect and confidence, and it is only when the church funds, or somebody else's funds disappear, or these holy men fool, round with other men's wives, or daughters, or relatives, that people, tumble to the true character of. the consumate ra/scals.i, Eori .raacalsr . they; are m etferv respect, and.'their: self-pesmirch-ed characters take a lot of whitewashing ; yet they are white-washed now and again if they, stay on the scene of their abominable misdeeds and brazen it out, whatever it is, and live it down. These puritanical pestiferous panjandrums of pious proclivities 'want showing up whenever, they publicly profess one thing 'a-nd practise another, and "Truth" is going to make a number of observations concerning a cove who is a pornic, parasitical parson's pup, a wolf, m sheep's clothing— a josser who was always thought to, be a model of propriety, until his scandalous adulterous habits were shown up tn the garish light of • day ; or .rather night, for he confined ; HIS SINFUL PRACTISES '■ to after the evening meal, when the sable coat of, darkness enveloped the land, and the evil-doer could stalk abroad with a : certain amount of easiness atbeine undiscovered. Now, m every township m the colony— everywhere one , : gofes, m fact— there ip always a Pooh Bah of sonic sort.; a bloke who is' Boss, and who seems to pretty well run the whole show, besides running > business, and they let him run. it.. And a fellow of that kind usually gets the (government, to . make him !a Jay Pee, whether he is fit for the .position or nbt. Also, he slings himself •on any local bodies that may be floating round, and 'as often as .not. belongs td a church, and wants to run that also. There is a pious person, or allegedly pious person of this sort at a small out-of-the-way place, m Canterbury. And he has been getting his, name up with a vengeance.. When a man does something be shouldn't do ; every inhabitant m a small 1 , town knows all about it m abbui; five minutes, or less. And thewhqle town is talking about the delinquency of this hypocrite 1 They, probably, wouldn't have done "so ft aiT He no^t ' 'been ' such 'a ' prayerful pusson, such a regular attendant at Church, a lay reader, and superintendent of the Sunday-school. How is it. that these goody-goody paspipes at God fearing ea,las of sanctity should always be the most soulsaving and yet sin saturated soonejrs on the face of this globe ? Yet it is so. However, the genjt m question, he of the woeful, wistful, wizr ened countenance, is m business there and he had been wearing the: knees of *his pants i out with praying, and has been preaching when ' the parson was unable to attend. His sermons were of the gravest character one could hear out Of a graveyard ; and the fact that people had heard them before, and that they had been spoken by someone else previously, and. that a printer, had been paid for printing them, and that they have been plagarise* ' something fearful, is neither here nor there nor after dinner. But it was as a superintendent of the Sunday-school 1 that this, lecherous leper of loose, loathsome, morals," with large lopsided ideas of himself shone, and he used to shine • somethins considerable; too. He was- the tight bowel-, not only from a superintending point of view, but with the girls ;. the very young girls. They are always preferable to the '.boys with a Sunday-school teacher, and it is wonderful what a lot' the average Sunday-school kid gets to know when' she is taught by a common male teacher. However, the girls who attend this particular school on the Sabbath have learned a new method of being righteous towards humanity.. It isn't new, but still: girls have to learn sometime, one supposes, although sinfulness shouldn't . come from your Sunday-school superinden,-, dent. and. it is • THE CttlME OF AbULTERY that has been publicly, taught m this 'case, for the matter is being talked? Of all over the.- district. The whole' thing 'is ' this : That this mealymouthed, mdnisteMnonger of . mulish, miserable aspect is supposed to have been backing a fellow tradesman m business, ' a man, of course, m a different line/ of trade. This asservatiori is vouched for to the Christchurch correspondent of "Truth," md by one of the most reliable men In the community. He stood his bills, so it is Said, and while he Was standing Sam, so to speak, he Mted to make lov» ' t* toe other man's wife. And he made it with great skill, too, did this stevedore of the starry' sky ; this coot who iridol?ed m vice, and who prefers vixfnish, voluptuous, volatile females to his own wife., Well, the woman succumbed ; she is alleged not to have cared for the bloke at first, but as m a great many cases' that happen it often occurs eventually that the, woqi an caves m. She knew what her husband had owed to this man ; she knew what miffht happen if she did hot yield to- his amorous advances. But she wasn't a woman of spirit or she would have bashed his* skull In with a poker, and if he had invaded her bedroom her plain duty «ras to smash the water jug or some ■ other utensil over his blastiferous head, for men of. that class who deliberately invade a man's house when he is away from home, <sr is at his Shop making; up his books, or cast-

ing his accounts, .is a , low-down scoundrel. But that was this man's motive every, time ;. he was a hell hound of houridom who hankered after handsome handmaids and winsome women. He used to visit this woman's house on the sly, and it got to be such a regular thing that people naturally started to.. NUDaE EACH OTHER AND TALK about it, and when people start opening their mouths the husband— a cuckold, perhaps— may get to hear of sit. Nay, he must get to hear of it. And m the present instance it came to the ears of the storekeeper, and he hurried home with great agility. The. hour was opportune he reached the spot just m time, for the relig^ious person was just getting out of the door as he reached the step. There was .thunder, lightning and lots, of other celestial , ' things : flying round' in about v one "arid an^lf'miriutesv The storekeeper objected with his fists, and the r other kept stopping things with his mouth, and . his capacious jaw, and his lovely blue eyes, which speedily changed, color. The matter ended by the pious apostle of Patadise reclining on the roadside, believing the stars to be ! hisjilankets and the kerbing his pillow T However, he eventually arose and was escorted' home by some good Samaritan who .was aS drunk as Cbloe ; and the man he was escorfcihg happened to be a prohibitionist,, arid a staunch prohib at that. But, .nothing daunted, the escorfcer placed a flask to the prohib 's mouth and the ..dew, therefrom was like moistufeV on a parohed palate m a prohibited district. The wronged husband didn't follow him up and give him more stoush or use a revolver' pn x him, but went, inside and charged his' missus with having had illicit relations with the peerless Sunday-school Superintendent. She owned, up to the fact, and hubby thought about, letting the matter drop, owing to the' seducer having backed him m busK ness ventures, i This, writer doesn't know whether any money is otyirigat present,, but it certainly is, a most sinful proceeding to let that bloke go scot free ; the pollution of respectable women by ■ CONOUPISQENTiCADS.' : of , this sort shouldn't be- tolerated for , one. second by any res'peptable man. He should riot be intimidated by power of money when 'his- wife's honor is at stake. ' It is perfectly true thait he didn't know at; the out-, set of the carryings bn of -"his » wife and the odoriferous ; ornament to the church,' who ought 'to be ostracised' from the pale of decent society. Thewife has the reputation of being an ail-right woman who has been led astray toy.' an unrighteous ranter who should never have been allowed m her house> and who no doubt got in' originally as a preacher of the sacred gospel , or to collect . funds for a church, or a Sunday-school,, and seduced her while he wa& about it. Verily there are fiends knocking found who are capable of anything. But there is something more to be said about this fellow, this noxious nuisance, who is nourished in' the order of the church, arid who goes so cronk as to deserve to be smashed up, pn the door mat of public opinion and thrown to the devil ; he is a prohibtionist; also he" is. a Justice of the Peace.. l^ow, there's a nice double for racing men. Not that the dual positions are incompatible, but it's a nice ,thing for a man to be a. Jay Pee if he isn't of good moral character. All , Jay Pees- \ aren't, but when they are of the lay preacher, Sunday-schooJ class itiey should be. The present going astray of one of them is regrettable, because it. has smashed up a happy home. It is said that he had a very unpleasant interview gyith the parson afterwards but that isn't much * consolation to the injured husband. -