SMILE AWHILE

New Zealand Times, Volume LIII, Issue 12453, 22 May 1926, Page 16

SMILE AWHILE

“Ladies and gents,”, said the ventriloquist, “I will now sing that popular song entitled ‘Good-bye,’ in a lady’s voice which will appear to proceed from the space above your heads.” A minute passed, and not a sound was heard. The ventriloquist grew agitated; then a small voice from above shouted: “It’s no good, mister; I’ve lost the needles and broke the record!” « * • * A motorist was trying to break the speed record in a little one-horse western town, where the policeman had an eye like an eagle. “Here,” said the policeman, stopping the speeder, “Didn’t you see the notice, ‘Dead Slow,’ at the bridge?” “I saw it,” said the motorist. “I thought it was the name of the town.” * * * # “Cricket must be a brutal game,” remarked the young wife to her husband, as she glanced at the paper, “and that Kippax must be very rough.” “How is that, dear?” “It says here: ‘Kippax continued to punish the bowlers. He cut, pulled, and slashed Ryder to the boundary, and treated him unmercifully. Kippax also hit Ponsford with great force, but, with the last ball of the over he skied him and was acught.’ Quite time he was caught too. Fancy a man behaving like that!” # • • * Landlady (to lodger): “Are you in the bath, sir?” Voice (between the splashes): Yes, what do you want? Landlady: I forgot to tell you I had it fresh painted inside last night, sir, and it won’t be dry for two or three days.

Hubert: Do you often have to rush to catch your morning train? AVilfred: Oh 1 It’s about an even chance Sometimes lam standing at the station when the train comes puffing in, and at other times it is standing at tho station when I come puffing in.