SOME GOOD STORIES

New Zealand Times, Volume LIII, Issue 12355, 27 January 1926, Page 12

SOME GOOD STORIES

FROM VARIOUS . SOURCES “WHO WANTS FLATTENING?" Chief Painter Philpott (otherwise '‘Putty'"')* of H.M.S. Hood, says: Oh' paint-ship days a tremendous amount of paint is used on this huge vessel,' and after getting together the' requisitions' for the various sorts of colour used. I would shout, ‘Who wants black?' *Who wants grey?' and so on. There iaonc paint, known as "flattening," used as a foundation for enamelling, and on one occasion this happened:— "‘Who wants black?' I shouted, ‘“I do/ replied a voice. “ ‘Who wants grey?' "*I do.' " 'Who wants flattening?* "‘You do, you old blighter.*" ? "Putty," as Wellingtonians may remember, weighed 22 stone. A CASE FOR TRANSFUSION Extract from a speech by Sir Uniacke Penrose-Fitzgerald, M.P. for Cambridge: " 'Ldtties and gentlemen/ he cried, with clenched fists raised aloft to the high heavens, ‘I stand here prepared to shed the last drop qf my blood for the union between Great Britaiq and Ireland, as I did a score of years ago for the cause of the Irish Church!'" NAMING A HORSE Two men were discussing horse-racing • and remarking upon the sillv names horses were .given. "If I kept a racehorse, 1 know what I should call him/' said one. “What?" 1 "Money.** "But that's absurd, Isn't it?" "Is it? Well, tell me anything that ?oes quicker." HILD LIKE The Bishop of London tells this story as an example of the influence of theology on the child-mind. A tiny girl separated from her playmates was found sitting with an air of great importance on the lawn. It was a new game, she explained to the grown-up friend who inquired the meaning of this. "You sco, I am God." Where are the others?" inquired the friend after recovering from the shock. “Oh, I've sent them all to hell—they are in the shrubbery."

* WISDOM A party of friends had been dining out. One of the members had taken more wine than was good for him. so another undertook to convey him home. . When they arrived at the street in which the inebriated one lived, his friend said to him, “I say. old chap, what's the number of your house?" The other stopped short in his tracks, and, angrily snaking his first at his friend, exclaimed, "Don't be a bally Tool and ask silly questions l —itsh on the gate." MAKING THE BEST OF IT A famous spinster, known throughout the country for her charities, was entertaining a number of little girls from a charitable institution. After the luncheon the children were- shown through the place in order that they might enjoy the many beautiful things it contained "This," said the spinster, indicating a statue, "is Minerva." "Was Minerva marriedP" asked one of the little girls. • “No, my child," said the spinster, with a smile. “Minerva was the Goddess of Wisdom.'* CHEQUES THAT WENT ASTRAY A well-remembered Governor -of New South Wales was noted for his consistent refusal to occupy a seat at a show for which he did not pay. His habit was to'Write a‘cheque on the following day and td’ entrust this, to his A.D.C., with instructions to pass it on to the theatrical firm concerned. . Then the A.D.C. resigned and his successor—when given the next theatre cheque—returned with the news that the theatre people were at a loss to understand it. It. was the first time they had ever received a cheque from his Excellency. BUT SHE MEANT WELL A busy man advertised for a new typist® the other day, and out of the applicants he chose a very pretty girl, whose charming voice and smile quite won his elderly heart. After a few days he discovered that the girl was brainless,\but he decided to keen her on for the time being. The girl seemed very anxious to assist, and was concerned to see him worried. She noticed particularly that after English cables arrived he was very gloomy. Finally she confided to the chief - clerk "that it upset her to note that the boss seemed to be troubled. “He's worried," said the clerk, "about a cable that should have come yesterday, and hasn't arrived yet." ’*Oh, is that all?" said the girl. "Why, 1 have that cable. He seemed so worried after getting cables that I decided not to give him the one that came yes* terday. It's in my desk now." The pretty typists >a looking for another position.