ABSTRACTS AND BRIEF CHRONICLES

New Zealand Times, Volume XLIII, Issue 10082, 21 September 1918, Page 4

ABSTRACTS AND BRIEF CHRONICLES

(BY THE STAFF.)

'They are the abstracts and brief chronicles of the times."—Hamlofc.

Our erstwhile visitor, Mr H. B. Irving, iiie famous actor, is a devoted student oi criminology, writes '-'Liber," n local oookworrn and scribbler. .In his recently published work, "A Book of Eemart-:-.;j1o Criminals," he 'quotas a computaUhi made by the la to James Payn, tho ■.-.vll-known novelist, 'that one person in ivory five hundred is an undiscovered murderer, -with the comment that "this gives us .all a hope, almost a certainty, that wo may reckon one such person at ,east among our acquaintances;" and lie adds in a iootnbte tliat "the author was one, of three men discussing this subject in a London club..' They were able lo name six persons of .their various acquaintance who were, or had been, suspected of being successful murderers." James Pajn, in more than one of his novels (notably "in "Gwendoline's Harvost,-" by which "Liber" -well remom■bers having been thrilled as a boy—it came out in "Chambers's Journal") introduced a murderer. It is difficult, however, to accept credible his story,-L-spceially when one remembers that the novelist was a member, of the famous Koiorci Club, the home, so one would .have thought, of -unquestioned respectability.

■ 'ihis opens up a wide field for specula-, tiori: Will tho itime ever come when the" murderer will be recognised as a respectable, member of society? Be Quinc'ey wrote" an essay on "Murder Considered as a Fine Art," and an jEngiikii ■ poisoner of artistic tastes, when asked iray he poisoned a woman, said: "Well, you fee, she had' thick ankles." These ■were an eyesore to him, and perhaps he thought that in removing a woman with this blemish he was helping to improve the- race. Be that as it may there seems to be a possibility of diverting murder into useful channels and making ,tho murderer a useful member of society.. .'i'b.ere are countless human beings sick;to death of life, weary of .breath, who have, not the courage or the cowardice to do; ■.'.way with themselves. Many of them would be glad to offer a reward to anybody willing to give them their quietus and so save them from world-weariness or the stigma of suicide. Some of the. highly respectable clubmen mentioned by "Liber" may have, an artist's pride in their achievements, but they are modest about them and keep silence for conventional reasons. Yet the human beings they Temoved may have been glad to have been saved the trouble of dying aimattiral death.; They ittay have: been idle rich folk, useless oumberers of ■>-file: ■ ground, living on the fat of thfe'land and wearing purple and fine linen, oii the earnings of others, who had to scorn delights and live laborious days to provide them with luxuries, so that their despatch was a benefit to society. Perhape 'in the not distant future the Murderers' Union .will bo recognised by _ hiw, and under certain conditions incurables, bores, publishers, landlords, profiteers, and members of Parliament who break their pledges will be liable, to sudden death by -trained stiffeners, who will take [a.'gride in their, business-and be. reprfg--oiied as not le-ss useful.,than,,f a#,t,poli'cemen 'and" lawyers'. , _„".„;,„> The Inspired One proffers* a simple election ballad :-fCome and take us, mould and bake us! Hear our pleading Voice 1 'Twould be shameful to forsake us, > Mister, what's your choice? Chorus: Take us, bake us, don't forsake us! Pine election six! Pick the best one, leav» the others; Watch o u >" olever tricks. Hero's a noble councillor -'-:■'■-'•; ~.■;; • •''Of a, noble city, _ : ' : - ■'■'■-- ; .-.i;* What are his credential*? .' Is he wise or witty f Wisdom counts for little. Wit does not belong I To a by-election, What a bonny song. Take us. bake us, and so on. Here is Patie Fraser: Knowm as "Comrade," top.. »• How. he loves the landlords And profitee-ers, too. Hear his bold orations.. . ,'. :-He denounces fraud; Surely for such services He'll foe made a lord. Take us, bake us, etc. Who is this? Why, s'itz. again. See hie • curly hair Waving in the sunlight. Noble chap, I swear. He'll be soon denouncing Hypocrites and liars. Then when in he'll advocate.'.. A proper tax on tyres. Take us, bake us, don't forsake ua! Fine election six; Six o' one, half-dozen fothor, Come and have your picks. Headers aro requested to keep singing the above ballad until next Satuiv day, when the Inspired One will continue the campaign. The verses will be set to • music, by our musioal mian and candidates can have copios of same on forwarding one guinea to this office, which will go towards a deserving object. ..•.-.■•: * » .»,:■- The Sport wakes up to what is going on around, him and prose« and poetises aa ..oilows : Tho news columns tell us .that.praqtl.nally every section of tho community is going berserk for an increase in wages, or a reduction in tho cost of living (popularly termed "the costive living"). All kinds of bodies have made loud noises, and most of them have got what they wanted; tho others have been Tassed. /ingle jangle, jingle jangle. Whose the man who ma.k*» the tangle? : 1 1 ho here or is he there, '• Is he really anywherr ? ; ■ (Of course no one knows). Has he any home abode? i-'oes he often get his' load ! i-'rom the croud who often slate hitn, Chough they do not daro disrate him? (These chaps don't say too much). Who is it that hunts the goal. ' •':•■ Hves you dust and calls it CoalP ' Viilk about a BoUluvik, Why, he's only twice as thick. (Yet ho one sees him). Who yells out for higher prices For'the sheep with all their lices? Does the grass grow any dearer? And the payment to tho shoairer! (Ring up someone and find out). Jingle jangle, jingle, jangle. What an awful wretched wrangle; . All the men who do their bit Seem to got the worst of it.'• •■ (Join tho Kot'd Soldiers' Club). There's no kind of compensation For .the men. who savo tho nation. Or the' men who stay 'behind, Thov'can-nnlr ■ ?,e\ Mi- riii'id. i i

Kditors and Politicians' Who have faced the worst positions At the front (or was it back):' When; thov didn't get a smack. (No casualties have been reported;. Many speeches are reported, Yet 'the lluus have not retorted That they're frightened out of sight, Ox they've got the green-fly Might. (Sub-editing, .and spraying are both good). Maybe- wo will win out yet. Time will tell, <ind don't forget; Tnat lire gentle cost of living Doesn't, stop you all from giving. (Gdvo all you have, and call here for meals). Jingle jangle, what a tangle! ..*■•■ * Strikes and 'rumours of strikes are in tho air. it is ail on account of the high cost of living. . Curious that this is a phrase that was unknown to our forefathers. They, good people, thought that life was a free, gift of the gods, heaven rest their simple, souls! That accounts for the fact (now mentioned for tho first time) that the phrase so often in our mouths and in tho papers, "the cost of living," is not found in the Bible, or in Homer, or in Shakespeare. Robbie Burns gets a bit nearer to it. Ho wrote these lines on a. bank note, and the Foolosppher, heartily endorses them : Wa'e worth thy ipowca - thou cursed leaf, i''ell source o' a* my care and griet, For want o' the© I lost my lass. For want o' thee I scrimp my glass. For want o' thee I leave my native shore Never perhaps to see auld Scotland more. That was not what the soribo set out I to write nibout at all, but it is the way with ready writers—the pen runs away with them. To come back to our strilws.. It.is rumoured, or. allowed, that there is a unique strike on now in the nether ['.regions. 'All'Hades is on strike. Thb stokers of- the infernal .regions have refused to keep the home fires tmrninu. This the Fooiosopher got from a friend who goes in for .communion with the dead. Be got a "par" the other night by means of spirit-rapping, saying that the denizens of the fiery abode- of sinful soub were disgusted at the number of Bodies being sent down below. They declare tho place is not fit for a. decicaxt sinner now, and that unless the Boche Is given a- hell of his own they will get' out of it. The message ends abruptly hero, but. there is reason for believing that Old Nick himself, is. the leader of 'tht» : '"stt'ihb'..Hh<l' hos r 'serious-intentions of ■tevkdng'-BuvrwVadvice''to-' "ta'k" : jt thocbJt And menu" 4ft' order to leave-vTophet to the Kaiser and hisorew-. /'Hell is no place" for lis how" we can imagine him saying to • his .subjects; "let's get out of vt." Later news from dqwn below wiii be awaited with interest. It is special to. the "Times" and' copyright. *■. * » The Hon. "Tom" in his lectures 3s always entertaining and sometimes oblecure. The Minstrel Boy having puzzled for some time over one of. his, obi.BCiiro. remarks pens tho following •. 'Tub sea- ■ andr'sky* arev.lcade'h gray, l '*';"Tlio , "'tirilfßf"wiliu /! is"-'aying "low*. And. 'like a.'bursting.'heart," my soul I Seeks refuge in the bay. Now let the busy world roll on, O fleeting ages pass me by, My brain, rny mind, is all awry With dwelling those strange words upon. , ■. - Far. tip the cliff against the sky. The eagle winds bis dizzy flight, All fearful lest devouring night, . I ... rrhiose'..outstretched '.flatt'nng iplumo3 ... A cal'ih "came .'oh oho' from, afar,' " '; X<6& F. waaigladv ta'.know*«nd:,seo, '■•''"" I had a mate in misery, Although my grief. was greater far.

; Readers' who can fully understand either the''Hon. "Tom" or the Minstrel Boy are requested to communicate with the FoolosOpher.

The Ancient Mariner has noticed, ] especially during the period of tho war, a most, laudable ambition on tho part of the fair sex to .do something that -will .benefit somebody else. It. has occurred J?o him that in this time., of nearfeearchiagic.-and ■ contrition', the women <vmight :to aid themselves and'in the-process al6o gladden the eyes of men. Not b<>. bo too long coming 'to the point, why on earth' do they persist in wearing high-heolert shoes and boots which are an atrocity to the -wearer and an eyesore to the masculine beholder? What use is : a pretty ankle 'below a well-rounded calf brought well to light by the short skirt, when further below there is that tapering heel, in some instances almost reducing itself to the width of a thimble? To hobble along in such footwear is palpablyV almost as uncomfortable es pedestrianis)ta riß' to 4 Chinese 1 :lady. The high, heals,- the.- Ancient ::Mariner asserts, wiuhout fear of contradiction, are a monstrosity and anathema in the eyes of the masculine admirer. They have lasted long, like the man's tophat, but it is surely time they should go into the oblivion which has now befallen the top-hat. The top-hat, with its spick and span appearance presenting something of a hall-mark of respect--1 ability, had its attraction from the picturesque point of view—when accompanied'", by'the noble 'frock coat. But the .high heel has nothing to Tepommend it. The- way some ladies .got along the street with their high heels, sometimes with a painful leaning to one side or another, is an irresistible reminder of a person.' ;oii' stilts. Throwing the teat. forward one cannot help thinking how they cultivate'corns"and bunions. Gentle reader, of tho male poreuasion, have you ever gone for a walk in tho country with, a lady with high-heeled shoes? If you have, it •is certain you havo never forgotten it. The poor creature in possession of them is without question in agony all tho time she is walking, and you are kept in a state- of mental unrest, for you can imagine tho torture that is suffered. Yet if you suggest that the walk is perhaps a bit too long—of course yon cannot to the wretched hoels-r-the lady says, "Oh, no! I am enjoying the tramp immensely." Truly the endurance, of tho average woman is simply marvellous.'- * » »

Sir Conan Doyle, who has become a convert to spiritualism, writes as follows in the "New Revelation" of the lift beyond the gravo:— : "The life has a close analogy to that of this world at its best. It is p»e'eminently, a life of tho mind as this is of 'the': body.. . I'rfl-occtvpations of. ;fopd. money, lust;, pain, etc,, aro of tho body' ■and are gone.' Music, tho arts, intellectual and spiritual knowledge, and' rrogress have increased. Tho , people are clothed, as one. would expect, since there .is no ronson why modesty should ru»-' appear with our now forms. These new forms are tho absolute reproduction of the old ones. at their best, the yoiurt growing up and the old reverting until all* come to. the normal. People live in communities as. one would expect if l'l-:« attracts like, and the .male 'spirit still finds his true mate, though there, is no sexuality in the grosser senso and no childbirth." .

In one respect at least this statement does not harmonise with' science arid common sense. There is every rouson why modesty should disappear with the flesh. It is an. artificial feeling;, caused chiefly by tho wearing of clothes. If modesty—or perhaps tho hotter word would bo shame —is to exist in tho Spirit Land, then immodesty also must exist, because the one is the cause of tho other. No immodesty no modesty, n;nd tho other way about. Spiritualist writors aro agreed that spirits wear same kind of habiliment, hut no ' wings, ■ these''being unnecessary, since'a spirit is light and airy, and can tread on tho atmosphere.

which we, in our grosser state, brcarhci everv minute, iiut. this idea of wearing clothes does not appeal too strongly to the JTooiosophpr, wbj would prefer to roam the J-;iysian fields as }> at lire made him, something like the noble savage, who was neither modest nor immodest but natural, and be able to say with Dryden-

I am as free as Nature first made man', Ere. the bas e laws of servitude began, When wild in woods the noble savage ran.

At any rate, when ho divests himself of this "muddy vesture of decay and arrays himself in flowing robes of spotless "white, it will be a consolation to liini to know that he does not wear clothes to hide his human form divine, and that there -iviil be no need to send his garments to tho laundry or to worry over tailors' bills, nor to take trouble about a ncck-to-knee costume when ho goes to batha in tho limpid waters of tho 'Sunim.erla.nd.

The innate sense of propriety of our worthy Mayor has been exemplified on many occasions—inixe'd bathing, Sunday golf, and the like. Now Citizen Lu'Ke comes forward with the suggestion ot employing women to run the cars. Surely Mr Luke could not have been in earnest. In his haste to frighten tho traniwaymeh ho must have forgotten the high stepboards which the lady conductors would have to negotiate niany.timjs a day, scandalising the eyes of male passengers and passers-by. Then surely our austere Mayor would not have the council's lady employees driving tho city's cars at late and'unseemly hours; ho would not have them indulging _in ,tho masculine accomplishment of whistling (yes,, actually whistling) to notify the motormen to start the cars. Anyhow if John P. unfortunately overlooked thoso and other indelicacies that must arise from his hasty suggestion, his circumspect associates,, on tho council would have seized, on them before the: proposal was passed, at. a council meet- I mg. . Indeed elevens' may. mutter a] prayer of thankfulness that they have such a delicate and discreet Mayor afid councillors watching over tnelr civic , interests. ■ • !