WOMEN'S FRIENDSHIPS

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXII, Issue 7142, 1 June 1910, Page 4

WOMEN'S FRIENDSHIPS

It has been said that when love comes : into a woman's life', friendship with-1 other women ceases to interest her,- and there is some truth in the assertion. Only the most stable and real of friendships between women survive the marriage of one of them. The more intimate ties which marriage brings, thecor.stant application to home duties which every woman who desires to be a successful wife and mother has to determine upon, mean some' slackening of the friendship- which was everything in younger days. Many interests have 'to take the place of one. and it follows that the warmest friendships exist between unmarried women. We make our b?st friendships in adolescence, because as we grow older we become less receptive, less generous in the giving out of, ourselves. College life sees the formation of strong ties of affection between" many girls. That electie affinity, without which close friendship cannot evolve, is keenest when the heartarid soul-are young; the crust of middle age is not easily pierced by the tender shoot of friendship in later "y.?ars. And it is these school and college friendships which are the most unselfish, and whichlast longest. The intimacy of years brings about mutual understanding; common interest and aims and work form a' bond which may last through this life, at any rate. . College girls and working w-omen generally form deepu* friendships because of their common work; there is less chance of the cultivation of a great friendship between women who only meet socially.. Not that it follows that the society and the domesticated woman are less capable of friendship; it is only that th?y have less opportunity of sufficient knowledge.'. The .artificiality of ordinary social relationship, the dissimulation and tactful lying which pleasurable association with our. fe.lows appears to require, is not an atmosiphere where the ' tender, plant of friendship will flourish. There can he no true friendship without sincerity; the strain and rush of social life allow, little time for getting below ,tho surface of things for the cultivation of th,3 restful, peaceful, natural atmosphere essential for the birth of the sentiment of friendship. . And yet' the woman who has never had a woman friend has missed one of the best things of" this life. There is. nothing peaceful, and restful and helpful about friendship with a man; if he does not fall in love with her, he los?s interest in his friend with his engagement and marriage with another woman. Then, it is only with a woman, friend one carj be entirely sin-

cere. There are natural deceits and little dissimulations always between man and woman, between husband and wife; the eternal antagonism of tho sexes makes complete sincerity almost an impossibility. The barrier of sex comes into play, and in real friendship there must be no barrier; there must be absolute understanding and' spiritual and intellectual affinity. Why are women's friendships so often designated as shallow and insincere? Because the word friendship is not used in its true sense; there are friendships as well as marriages of convenience. There can be no friendship between shallow, cheap, and commonplace people; the foolish alliances which sometimes exist between two women, and which men call friendships, are social contracts for mutual advantage, which last only while niutal benefit is derived. Because some women are incapable of deep, unselfish, grand friendships, it were folly to condemn the sex as incapable of the sentiment of friendship. Because man sometimes loves and rides away, we do not say that the love of a man for a maid does not exist, and there is only one thing finer in life than friendship, and that is love, and even love must be built upon, a foundation of friendship if it is to have any permanence of existence. ■

Life would be empty of half its joys but for our friends, for, although woman is popularly supposed to have one love, she may have many friendships with her own sex.

Friends pass from us as life goes on, wo lose them when partings come, and we form new ties and new interests. The law of alternation holds good in friendship as in all else; we make friends only to lose them, and the pessimist declares that friendship, like love, is but a transient emotion. But because friendships sometimes move to poor conclusions, let us not imagine that they have been worthless and unprofitable; no kindly emotion, no unselfish affection or regard can possibly be lost. The conservation of love is as much a law of nature as the conservation of energy.

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