ANECDOTES OF WOMEN

New Zealand Times, Volume LXXVII, Issue 5474, 31 December 1904, Page 11

ANECDOTES OF WOMEN

•FAMTT.TAR CONTEMPT. Of Arthur Schopenhauer and his housekeeper, who was a devout Catholic, several amusing stories have been related. The eminent philosopher (who died in I 860) and the lady had had a wordy encounter, and both were in a temper. ‘Tor my part. Herr Doctor,” said the housekeeper, concluding the duel, “I don't Bee what the people can find in you that they are always coming to see you. As for me, 1 have had enough of you!" EASE QUESTION. Lord Montmorency as Sir James Weir Hogg, had made a fortune in India and came to Loudon to spend it. His wife gave splendid parties, which were largely attended by fashionable folk. It is said that a young blood, meeting one of the Misses Hogg at a ball, and not knowing her name, asked her if she were going to the party at the “Piggery." Her bland reply was: "Oh. yes. I am one of the litter I” HITTING BACK. The great Napoleon was seldom agreeable to the ladies, and /he frequently addressed to them the rudest and most extraordinary remarks. To one he would say. “Heavens, how red your elbows are!" To another, “What an ugly head-dress you have got!” He said one day to the beautiful Duchess de Chevreuse. in the presence of all the circle of the Tniileries, “Ah, that’s droll enough; your hair is red!” "Perhaps it is, elre,” replied tho indignant lady: "but this is the first time a man ever told me so " INFORMATION SUPPLIED. The following is told of an old lady who hod had her hair out off owing to a severe illness, and wore in its place a She was staying in a Continental hotel, and one day noticed a gentleman looking’ curiously at her hair. Soon after, on some excuse, he crossed tho room to get behind the place where she sat. Tho lady calmly rose, turned round, "'“■'and, lifting her hair from her head, said: '• “Yes, sir; it is a wig I” ATTRACTIVE! Mrs Bancroft, the wife of tho American historian, went one day, whan staying in London, to an afternoon musicals in Mayfair. On the way she was attracted by a display of shawls in a Regent street shop window, and stopping the cab, went into the establishment and bought one, throwing it over her shoulders to wear while at tho social gathering. Tho astonished guests at the musicals *wore edified by the sight of the elegant ’■Mrs Bancroft floating through the draw-

ing-rooms all unconscious of the fact that on her back was a placard bearing the words, “Very Chaste.” JANE! Among the stories told of provincial mayors and their wives, the following is one of the best:— The late Queen Victoria and Princess Beatrice had opened an exhibition, and in the visitors’ book they their Royal signatures—“ Victoria" and “Beatrice.” Next came the turn of the mayoress who, following the example of Eoyalty, wrote in a flowing hand—" Jane." STREET SCENE. The notorious Duchess of Kingston (she died in 1788), who was always remarkable for having a very high sense of her own dignity, was one day detained in her carriage by a cart of coals that was unloading in a very narrow street. She leaned out with both her arms upon the door, and asked the coal fellow, “How dare you, stfran, to stop a woman of quality in the streets?" “Woman of quality?” exclaimed the man. "Yes, fellow," rejoined her grace. "Don’t you see my arms upon my car. riage?” “Yes I do, indeed," he answered, “and a pair of d— coarse arms they are!” DANGEROUS SPOT. An old lady went on board Nelson’s flagship, the Victory, at Portsmouth, a few years ago. The different objects of interest wore duly shown to her, and, on reaching the spot where the great naval hero was wounded (which is marked by a brass plate fastened on the deck), the guide said to her, “Here Nelson fell “And no wonder," at once exclaimed the old lady. "I nearly fell there myself!" FATAL CHIMES. The wife of the Czar Alexia of Russia (1615-1676) was frequently disturbed in her sleep by the ringing of a bell in a neighbouring church steeple. This eventually roused, tho anger of the exalted lady to such a pitch that the following decree was issued: “The tower in which the boll hangs shall be pulled down, the bell to be whipped with the knout and then banished to Siberia for ever.” This judgment was about to be put into execution when the Czarina died, and the Czar’s niece interceded on behalf of the unconscious offender, whereupon the sentence was revised, and the convicted bell was removed to a subterranean chamber and doomed to eternal silence. QUICK AND BITTER. The Marquis del Carpio, Viceroy of Naples, was once going into a church at Madrid, and happened to see a lady entering at the same moment who wore an extremely beautiful diamond on a very ugly hand. "I would prefer the ring to the hand," said the marquis, with no expectation of being heard. But the lady immediately touched the collar of his Order, which he was wearing, and exclaimed: “I should prefer the halter to the donkey!" CONCLUSIVE. Reginald (watching the new-woman clown): Well, that proves that there isn’t anything that a woman can’t do. Ethel: I think quite otherwise. To me it proves that there is at least one thing she can’t do, and that is, make a fool of herself! STORY OF A SONG. The famous ballad of "Auld Robin Gray" was written by Lady Anne Lindsay, daughter of the Earl of Balcarres, when she was twenty-one years old, but it was not until some fifty years later that she told how sho came to write it. Robin Gray was a shepherd on her father’s farm, and for something he had done she wished to immortalise him. So she began this ballad, hut before she finished it she asked her little sister for her advice about it. She said she was making a ballad about distress in humble life; she was bringing sorrow upon her heroine's head, she had sent her Jamie to sea, broken her father’s arm, caused her mother to fall ill, and given her auld Robin Gray for a lover. "But I want her to have a fifth sorrow. Now, what shall X do?" “Steal the coo, Annie,” was the little girl's reply. And accordingly Lady Anne completed the round of Jeanie's troubles by having “the coo stolen away.”